Irreplaceable

sixteen

Niall. Stop. Just. Stop. Talking.

I keep my eyes on Harry, his jaw clenched harshly, his finger digging into my leg. Niall, Please.Stop. Talking. My bag slipping off my shoulder. My dressing riding up slightly, my hair in my face, harry's hand death gripping my thigh. Niall's voice whining about some stupid girl that he booked up with last night.

"Oh my god! Niall! shut up!" I raise my voice as I stand up from my seat. Harry's hand falling off my leg. I push my bag back onto my arm and tuck my hair behind my ear as harry pulls down my dress.

He looks at me with a straight face "see. chicks like you are crazy, I don't know how you cope harry."

"Excuse me? I'm crazy? You're just a dumb fuck who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up." I snap, moving away from the table.

I haven't been feeling myself lately, Me and harry have been living out of a suitcase in a small but cosy hotel that we have been staying in now for a few weeks. I have been stressing about tour which begins in a few days and there's been no news on Poppy's whereabouts and Harry nor Niall will tell me anything about what's going on. I grab my drink off the kitchen table and head into the bedroom to where the twins are picking out the final couple of outfits for the first leg of tour. They don't notice my presence at first as they bicker amongst each other.

"Hey guys." I make myself known as I close the door behind me. They both look up and begin rushing and crowding around me pushing me towards a rack full of clothes. God no. All i've been doing is trying and trying on dresses, jumpsuits, skirts, shirts, jackets and shoes and I just want one day of not having to do it. "No!No! Get off me!" I smack their hands off me as I spin around and wiggle through them. I walk back out of the room and go back into the living area to where Harry and Niall are discussing something quietly.

I watch them for a moment. Something isn't right, I walk up behind harry and place my hands on his shoulders and he relaxes under my touch. "You okay?" He asks me while writing something down. I hum and press a kiss to the side of his head. Niall groans and slams his phone onto the table, well nokia brick.

"What's wrong?" I ask him, looking up at him as I crouch to harry's level. He glances at me, his fingers running through his hair before he shakes his head.

"Nothing" He looks at Harry "lazaynlo lahaslo lapoppylo laandlo pohelo laknowslo powelo poarelo leonlo potolo jehimlo"

I raise an eyebrow at him as he just speaks a load of random shit, harry sits up more in his head. shrugging me off slightly so I stand up straight and look at them both. "Are you sure." Harry points at the table and Niall nods.

"Padoesna pahena pahavena paana paofferna?" Harry questions slowly, Niall nods.
"Laheol Lawantslo talamyloa"

Harry freezes as I just stand baffled. when the fuck have they had the time to come up with their own language.

"No it's not happening. I can't allow it." Harry snaps.

"Allow what?" I ask. Harry snaps his head to look at me. He shakes his head and fishes out his credit card from his wallet.

"Nothing, go out for a while." He holds out the card for me to take. I scoff and shake my head.

"No harry I want to know." I stand my ground with him.

Harry stands up, grabs me by my hand and takes me to the bathroom. He slams the door behind us and pushes me up against the wall slightly. His hands pushing against my arms. "This is not the the time to ask questions Mya. Don't embarrass me infront of Niall by been a brat."
"What- Harry are you kidding me right now?"
He nods "I need you to go out for a while. Go shopping, get some food. Do anything apart from been here."

"Why?"
Harry shakes his head "Because I fucking told you so. Now... go out darling before I lose my fucking shit and embarrass you infront of your friends." Harry holds the card infront of me.

I hate harry like this. I feel my eyes overwhelm me with tears, why am I fucking crying? I take the card from him in silence and look at him for a few more seconds. "Whatever it is. I hope you fix it before I get back." My throat hitches with tears as I swallow them back down. "because I don't want to be with someone that thinks it's okay to verbally abuse me." I break the intense eye contact and make my way out the bathroom in silence. The thick air between me and harry lingering out the bathroom behind me as I walk out of the hotel room in silence. I walk down the hall. the smell of old carpet and the strange paintings that hang on the walls. I stand infront of the elevator, a small painting hangs there of a man fishing in a boat alone out at sea. A dark cloud above him. But he doesn't seem bothered. His boat has a little D on it along with the words 'the storm will pass'

I hope it will, the storm of me been alone battling against myself and my own thoughts. The elevator doors open and is step inside. I press for the ground floor and open up my bag to place harry's credit card inside. Once i'm down on the bottom floor. I walk out into the small waiting area, it's silent. A small gold bell sits on the desk along with a very bored old man who reads the newspaper. I walk quietly through the lobby and out the door. The sound of cars and chatter hits me. reality.

My phone begins to ring, I take it out and Harry's name is there.

"hello"
'Are you okay?'
"yes. what's wrong"
He pauses.
'did you mean that?'
"mean what Harry"
'About not wanting to be with me?'
"I never said that"
'you did.'
I pause as I cross a road "No I said I don't want to be with someone who verbally abuses me. Which, you had just been doing."
He stays silent.
"I'm going. I'm going into a shop"
I hang up the phone and place it back into my bag. I wander into the convenience store and pick up a small basket. I walk straight over to the snacks and grab myself some chips and some chocolate. I want to pamper myself tonight. I have to be up early tomorrow to head over to new york to start my tour, I need to make myself as fresh as I can.

I scan over all the facemasks, anti-ageing, peel off, mud mask. I pick it all up and place it into the basket along with some under eye masks and some serums. My eyes wander over to the right.

Pregnancy tests. I quickly shake my head and look back over to what I was doing. Wow, they have a waxing kit here.

But what if i'm actually pregnant? it would explain the cravings and the random outbursts. But i'm not late for my period. I glance back and slowly walk over. I pick up the clear blue test and read the instructions. I put it back and take a step back, I look around the aisle. I'm the only one down here. I pick it up again and place it into my basket. I will get another one just incase. I then quickly pick up a pack of condoms and make my way out of the aisle and over to the till.

I need to know. Now. After paying I walk out and head over to a restaurant over the road. I can't be pregnant. I get seated for 1 at a table and I order a pint of lemonade and a bowl of fries. I drink my lemonade as fast as I can, hoping that I will need the toilet by time i want to leave. I eat my fries and ponder.

What will I do on tour? It a 6 month long process and it will become obvious so quickly with how small I am. But i'm not pregnant because me and Harry always use protection. Or do we?
Before I leave I go to the toilet and only just about manage to pee on the stick. I read the instructions as I leave it on the floor. A small hourglass timer spinning on the screen, my heart racing. one minute. two minutes. three minutes. four minutes. five minutes.
I close my eyes and lay my head on the wall behind me as I feel so un happy in my situation. I know Harry isn't ready deep down to be a father, he's still too heavily connected with the Mafia and my family to make it safe for us to create our own and he has always warned me that he didn't want kids for a long time. But now? He says he wants them? But am I ready? I'm about to go on tour while trying to avoid been killed at every show.

I look back down at the stick. The hourglass gone but the writing is too small to be able to read. My hands shake as I reach down and pick it up. My mouth falling open as I read it over and over again.

'Not pregnant'
I sigh with the biggest relief of my life. Thank god.

**********
IM SO SORRY ABOUT NO UPDATE IVE BEEN SO SO BUSY. THIS ISNT THE END ABOUT PREGNANCY. MWAH