Irreplaceable

eighteen

Harry Styles
I've been sat here watching her all night. She's been asleep since they cleaned her up and told me the absolutely gut wrenching news.
She had another miscarriage

I know she will blame herself. Hell I blame myself. I caused her so much stress that our baby couldn't survive. I'm devastated to say the least. I cannot
imagine how she feels.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, Niall has been ringing every hour on the dot to see if there has been any updates.
"Hello?" I mumble, trying not to wake her up.
"Any updates?"
"Nope. She's just asleep now."
The line drops silent. Okay? "call again in an hour Ni." I tell him before hanging up.
Not long after I hung up the phone she begins to stir and open her eyes, i'm immediately rushing over to her to be by her side.

"Hey baby. How you feeling." I swipe my thumb across her cheek. Tucking the hair behind her ear. Mya blinks at me and then around the room.

"What happened?" She asks me. My heart falls to my knees, Why is my nose going stuffy? I can't cry. No way. I've only cried infront of mya a handful of times and this is not going to be a time that she has to reassure me.

I stay quiet for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. How can I word this. An awkward silence fills the room, as if she can read my mind as she covers her face with her hands and shakes her head.
"no, no, no. This cannot of happened." she cries in her hands. I form my lips into a straight line, tucking them be und my teeth to hold back my own tears. I pry her hand away from her face and she throws herself towards me, pulling me into her embrace and I grip her tightly. Knowing that she needs this hug.
Her somber calms down for a moment. "How far along was I?" She whispers in my chest like she didn't want me to hear.

I sigh. She wasn't that far, but far enough that if she knew she would be excited that she was growing a tiny human inside of her. "8 weeks."

Her sobs that were quiet for a moment become cries, her hands gripping my shirt in fists. This is horrible, why does this have to happen to her. If I could I would absorb all her sadness, worries, anger and stress so she doesn't have to feel them anymore and she could be a carefree happy naive mya I met years ago.

I miss her so so much. Why does all this have to happen, to me? to her? To any of us. The deal that I made years ago with the fucking devil is not what I want anymore. I feel Myas shudders of air go down my chest, my hand gripping her head. "Im so sorry baby." I whisper to her.

Mya pulls herself away and wipes away the left over tears from her eyes, I hate it. She dampens her lips with her tongue and shakes her head. "Not again. Why again? Am I not meant to be a mother?"

My heart breaks even more, she would make an amazing mother, no she will make an amazing mother. "No, no, no. You are Mya. It will happen. You and me will be amazing parents." I take her hand into mine, she looks down at the contact and then up at me, A hint of anger and despite.

"No Harry. I will make an amazing mother. You will make a great dad, but its happened to us twice now. Its obviously a sign me and you shouldn't have a child." Mya mumbles as she tries to figure out what all her thoughts are.

I sit in silence, is this her breaking up with me? For the second time, She slides her hand from my grip. "Where are the twins?"

"Getting ready for your tour, I told them to not come for the time being until you woke up."

She nods. "Well, get them for me. I dont want you here." Mya tells me looking away. Im stunned, completely stunned. But, I've fucked it up yet again. I nod, stand up and grab my things off the chair and head out the room.

I frown as I wait for Brent to pick up the phone.

'Is she awake?' The first thing I hear once someone answers the phone.

"Yeah. I will wait in the lobby for you both."

'No you stay with her.'

well "She doesnt want that."

I hang up the phone and just sit and wait for them to come. I grab myself a coffee and slouch in my chair. Shes ended it. Shes leaving, again. Ive fucked this up yet again. Maybe its for the best? Maybe shes better off without me, like she said. I fucked up her relationship. Her best friend got taken away from her, because of me. I put her through a horrible pain of loosing two children.

Ive just fucked it. I need to stop thinking about this. I grab my phone and ring Niall.

'Hello?'

"Get a bag of coke and some weed. Mya has ended it with me. I need to keep my mind occupied."

'Shes awake?' Niall are fucking stupid?

"Well of fucking course she has. Stop asking questions and get the stuff."

'Okay.'

I look up from my phone to see the twins standing there, frantic yet calm looks on their faces. They look at me for a moment and im expecting a scene, or disgust to be on their faces. Yet its just sadness and guilt. I stand up from my seat and Kent pulls me into an unexpected yet kind of needed hug.

"Im sorry Harry. You would make a great dad." He pulls back and looks at me, and suddenly im crying. "Give her time and space, we will talk her into it all again. I promise you now. This is not the end for you both."

I nod, feeling like im getting a prep talk from my dad "Thanks. Just give her love. Thats all she wants." I give them a weak and sad smile. They both nod.

"Give me your number, I will keep you updated everyday." Kent offers me, I think for a moment and almost decline,but yet my body is nodding and taking his number from him.

We stand awkwardly for a moment, I look down at my empty cup. "I best go. Niall needs help with something." I nod at them both.

They both chuckle. "Harry, where is Mya?" I make an 'o' with my mouth and point them in the right direction before I leave and get into my car.

This is all fucked, So I might aswell just get off my head and forget.

*************
Well. DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNN. Mya was pregnant? crazy that I didn't realise ( I did. It's all planned). Don't worry guys. Mya won't be sad for long.