Only You

Chapter 13

Elora

Alexey looks pale and slightly queasy as he asks me if I'm okay. I brush him off and nod but quickly announce, "This is never going to work." There's a lump in my throat but it's frustration making me want to cry rather than the itchy feeling beneath my skin.

"I'm really sorry," he says, quickly getting to his feet and looking at me almost desperately. My throat tightens impossibly more at the thought of disappointing him. No matter if it's a stranger or my closest confidant, I'll never be able to handle being a letdown.

"Don't be, it's not your fault," I insist, looking for my discarded shoes so I can justify not meeting his gaze which is currently burning into my back. I pick up one shoe with shaky hands, blinking back tears like the pathetic person I am. Just to fill the silence, I keep rambling. "I'm just not cut out for this and I'll never be. It's fine." Even if it doesn't feel that way right now, I finish in my mind.

"What? Hey, no, don't say that. You just need a little more time and that's completely normal. Don't quit on me just yet, okay? Give this a fair shot, at least," my date tries to reason urgently and I can feel my shoulders slump.

Giving up my search for my second shoe, I turn my gaze upwards instead, fighting not to let the tears brimming my eyes drop. I've cried in front of this man once already, more than I can say about anyone else in the last ten years. I'm not going to do it again.

Alexey is silent as I collect myself but I can feel his attention on me like a physical touch. When I finally turn around, I'm not surprised to see him staring. "You still with me?" he asks. I simply nod, too scared I'll burst out crying if I speak again.

"Good," he announces, turning to the bed in the room. I watch him silently until he reaches for the tv remote control, at which point I can't help but ask what he's doing. "Checking whether they have Netflix on this old thing," he replies easily, referring to the flatscreen on the opposite wall.

When I still don't move, he stops clicking buttons and turns to face me. "You good with watching a movie?" Once again, I'm too confused to do anything but nod. He smiles and pats the bed next to him. I follow his silent command and wade over a little awkwardly, leaving a good few inches of space between our bodies as I lie down.

Once the Netflix logo lights up on the screen, my date asks me what to watch. "Not sure. I don't have Netflix," I confess. Other than the flash of a quizzical look, I don't get much of a reaction. A few minutes later, a comedy I've never heard of starts playing, which allows Alexey to turn his attention back to me.

Opening his arms invitingly, he teases me. "Why don't you scoot a little farther away, darling? I can almost imagine what you'd feel like in my arms."

I chuckle. "How was I supposed to know you were a cuddler?" I ask even as I scoot close enough for him to pull me all the way against him with my head on his shoulder. It's nice, I realize quickly, and something akin to fear shadows over me at how much I like this. It's bizarre to think this is the first time I'm in bed with a man. I'm the lamest 20-year-old out there.

"I'm whatever you want me to be, Elora. That's kind of the point." I frown at that, pulling away so I can gaze up at him.

"I want you to be yourself. You're not a puppet to act out my every wish, you're a person," I tell him and for a moment, he doesn't look at me. He keeps staring at the screen almost absently and I can see the corner of his lips tipping down slightly.

When he whispers, "Am I?" it's so soft I nearly don't catch it. When I do, my brows draw together and I frown but before I can reply, he seems to snap back to reality, and his easy smile returns. "Well, in that case, you'll be pleased to know I am very much a cuddler," he says as if nothing had happened.

He's careful to remain his casual self as the movie plays on but I'm barely paying attention, too hung up on his slipup from before. He seemed so genuine, so sad, and I hate to think he doesn't believe he can make his own choices.

To be honest, I haven't really thought about how this job must make him feel and why he even has it if he doesn't like it but I know better than to ask. It's none of my business, after all.

Throughout the movie, he keeps touching me, caressing my shoulder, playing with my hair, or running his fingers through the length of it. At one point, a spicy scene starts playing and I don't miss the way his touches seem to become more intimate; the pad of his thumb brushing against my bra strap where my shirt slipped to the side, the whisper of a touch down the side of my ribs and so on.

All these little things make my heart run wild in my chest and my brain becomes mush. That's probably the reason why I find the courage to reach up and cup his cheek to angle it so I can kiss him. It's a clumsy kiss if I'm being honest, but Alexey expertly takes control of it and we fall into a gradually more familiar rhythm.

Not sure how it happens, but soon enough the man turns us around so I'm lying flat on my back with his hips between mine and him on top of me. He pulls his lips from mine, places a chaste kiss on the tip of my nose, and asks, "This okay?"

This time when I nod, he shakes his head with a smile. "I need to hear you say something every once in a while."

After swallowing heavily twice, I finally manage a hoarse "Yes." Just like that, his lips are back on mine.

————————
Are we mad at Alexey for what he did last chapter or is he forgiven?
Don't forget to leave a vote<3