Only You

Chapter 20

Elora

"What's on today's program? I ask in between kisses. Alexey and I barely made it into the hotel room before his lips found mine. Or mine found his. I'm not sure who really started it.

Now my back is pressed up against the closed door, his hands caging me in. Our chests are pressed flush together and I can hear his heart beat a mile a minute, matching my own. My head is tilted back, my neck craned to get as close as possible to him while I'm standing on the tip of my toes. My calves are already burning and I'm sure his neck is strained as much as mine with the way he has to lean down but neither of us seems eager to move away.

"This," he tells me before nibbling at my bottom lip. I sigh against him, bringing my hands around his neck even as I pull away once more.

"Just this?" I ask, hoping he'll tell me more. I'm eager to hear him talk as much as I want to kiss him. Now he finally pulls away a little more, apparently choosing to talk.

"Just this. Maybe we've been going too fast before. No incidents today. Just this," he says, nipping at my bottom lip. I catch myself deflating slightly but stop, realizing he might be right. No matter how good parts of our last few dates have been, I'd like to not have a panic attack or anything for once. And knowing that Alexey cares enough to have thought about this sure lifts my spirits.

After another ten minutes of nibbling and biting, kissing and teasing as we are, Alexey pulls away and asks, "Bed?" I nod eagerly. The discomfort in my neck has long since morphed into pain so a change of position is more than welcome.

My hands barely leave him as we move over and I clumsily pull him on top of me. I know I should tone it down, stamp some of my need and desperation when I know nothing will come of it tonight but damn if I'm not aching for him. For more.

When he matches my frantic pace, pressing me down into the bed and cupping my face, I forget my caution, only barely keeping my hands from wandering. From touching those muscles I know are hidden beneath his shirt. Today he's wearing black, just a tee, and therefore more casual than normal. He looks just as beautiful this way though, so much so it almost hurts.

He shifts his weight atop me, grinding his crotch against me as if he couldn't help himself and I damn near lose my mind. "Alexey," I whine. "I want you so bad." I'm not sure if I mean this to be a warning or a plea but as soon as the words leave my lips, Alexey groans.

"Fuck, don't say that," he mutters, breathing heavily.

"Why?"

"Because I already said this is all that'll happen today," he says while his body tells me the opposite, grinding against me once more.

"I don't care," I insist now that I know we're both balancing a thin line, ready to fall and discard the plan.

"But the plan," he says, grinding against me again.

"I thought the plan was going with the flow," I insist, kissing his jaw. My hands slide from the nape of his neck to his shoulders and I pull him a little closer.

"No incidents," he insists breathlessly. It gives me a pause, the undertone I detect in his voice but am not sure how to read. Is it worry? I've noticed how he seems to hate my panic attack almost as much as I do. Maybe that's why he's so insistent.

I ease up on my grip on him, something fuzzy burning out the need for more at the thought he might care. Maybe I'm delusional and Alexey doesn't want to do anything more than this because he doesn't feel attracted to me like I am to him but I decide to stick with my first thought.

My hands find their way back to his hair, not tugging or pulling at the black strands but merely running my fingers through. I press a chaste kiss to his lips and agree, "No incidents," as if sealing the deal.

He seems to relax above me, his body melting against mine gently. No more thrusts, he simply holds himself up as we kiss and kiss some more. We change positions at some point, ending with me on his lap and I get the feeling that it was a very deliberate decision on his part.

He wants me to be more comfortable with him, to show me that I can trust him even when his hands are free to roam. This time, surprisingly enough, I don't worry in the slightest about my triggers or my past.

Maybe we had been moving too fast. Maybe I tried to do too much too quickly but with the deadline still hanging over my head, it's hard not to. Two more dates until I have to cancel one so I can meet the man I'm supposed to marry. The man I originally started this whole deal for.

He wants an experienced wife. So far, all I can offer are kisses and some over-the-clothes action. Though to be quite honest, the thought of anyone else's hands on me, especially a man twice my age, has a prickle of unease starting in my stomach.

I can't let myself go there now though, not when I'm with Alexey. Not when his hands on either side of my face make me feel fuzzy and safe and warm all over. For now, I'm here. I'm good. Whatever happens in less than two weeks- or six months, when I'll marry him, is for me to deal with then.

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Y'all still bearing w me? Any feedback so far?

Have a great day<3