Only You

Chapter 26

Elora

By the time we reach our hotel room, my stomach is sore from all the laughing I did on the way over. Mostly, it was at my date's expense.

As promised, he put his cousin's playlist on shuffle and we suffered through all the "Taylor Swift oldies and Cardi B goldies" together. Only that Alexey didn't seem to be suffering at all. Quite the contrary.

In his defense, he tried really hard to hide his grin but the fondness he carries for the songs or at least the memories he associates with them was clear as day. So what did I do? I called him out on it as retaliation for his making fun of me before.

It's a very un-Elora-like thing to do but I've gotten used to being someone new when I'm with Alexey. It's not that I'm trying to change myself in any way. I think with him I let the woman I could be without the pressure and expectations from my family out to play, if only for as long as our date lasts.

It's dangerous how much I like who I am with him because I know Alexey is only a temporary person in my life and therefore she is too. I can't fall in love with this version of me any more than I could with Alexey because, in the end, I am engaged. Me. Elora Makis. Not whoever I am with Alexey.

Timid, gentle, polite Elora.

"So, Sweetheart, any dreams or wishes for tonight?" Alexey whispers into my ear from behind, brushing my hair over my shoulder to have better access. The next breath I take is shaky. No matter how many times I get close to Alexey, he always has this effect on me.

He lazily wraps my hair up around his fist and holds it in place as a bun atop my head. Then he gently turns me around and studies my face. I don't question it, letting him do whatever this is.

When his free hand comes up to cup my face, I nearly swoon. There's something about this moment, something in my date's eyes that has my heart tripping all over itself, the foolish thing. Finally, Alexey makes a sound in the back of his throat.

"Such a pretty face. Why do you never wear your hair up?" he asks, looking thoroughly thoughtful.

I almost slip and tell him that I do. As soon as I am alone in my room, I pull my hair into a bun or a ponytail, anything to get the obnoxiously thick strands out of my way. I just never seem to do that out in public or even just with my family. It feels too bold, too loud, and too daring. I wouldn't call my hair a shield but with it down, I'm more concealed to a certain extent.

When I walk down the street, people don't get to stare for a very long time. If they do, I don't see it.

Instead of saying that, I shrug and smile at him. "I like it open."

After another moment of studying me, he lets go of my hair, letting it fall around my shoulders before arranging it with gentle hands. My chest feels warm. So do my cheeks.

A warning rings out somewhere in the back of my head, yelling at me to take a step back and stop staring at him. Yelling at me to tell him to stop looking at me this tenderly. It's confusing my senses and for the first time since we started this arrangement, the dangers of it occur to me.

I've agreed to go on multiple dates with an attractive, sweet guy and engage in sexual activities with him. Knowing that nothing can come of it. Knowing that I am engaged to another man.

Oh.

Suddenly, the fuzzy feeling in my chest is no longer pleasant. Instead, it's threatening. I've been brushing it off as attraction or lust but what if it's not? What if I'm catching feelings for a man I am paying to spend time with me?

I avert my eyes from his and clear my throat, desperate to shatter the moment. It's fine, I repeat to myself. I know what this is and I'm smarter than to get confused about it. This is practice. This is a means to prepare me for my marriage.

"I think I want to have sex tonight," I burst out, still looking at the floor. Instantly, mortification creeps up on me, only intensifying with every second the thick silence drags on.

Oh, God.

What is wrong with me?

When more time passes with Alexey deadly silent, I force my eyes to meet his again. He's blinking at me, his expression frozen. I clear my throat again, my cheeks burning up painfully at the thought that this is where he draws the line. That he is merely searching for the right words to let me down gently because this is one of those moments he mentioned on the first date. A moment where he tells the client he is not comfortable with their demands.

"Or not. It's up for debate, of course. I'm all ears for suggestions," I add hastily.

Finally, Alexey seems to come back to himself. His eyes focus on me and he gently reaches for my hand. "You sure that's a good idea, Sweetheart?" he asks gently, tugging me closer by the hand as his thumb caresses my skin.

I shrug again. "I don't know why to keep up the wait. We haven't discovered any new triggers and I manage not to have a panic attack whenever you touch my hip. I know I still have a lot to learn so I figured it was time to start with that."

His thumb continues its caress as he studies me closely. "Are we in a hurry?" he asks slowly.

"No," I lie. Truth is, my wedding is in less than six months. I'm supposed to be experienced by then and I don't even know if I can take that step without freaking out. It's been on my mind for a while now and not-knowing is killing me.

Besides, I should grant myself at least a few months of celibacy before my wedding. Just to make sure that I harbor no kind of feelings for anyone that won't expect me at the end of the aisle in Attica.

Tugging me even closer, he finally places his hands on my waist. "I might have to hold onto this," he warns me, squeezing my waist. I nod, knowing that won't be a problem. Slowly, he lets his hands trail down over the sway of my hips, finally setting one of them directly on the scar. He watches me as he starts caressing me, slightly cautious.

When I don't react, he asks, "What do you feel?"

I think about it for a second, closing my eyes to look for any signs of discomfort. When I find nothing major, I find myself smiling slightly. "It feels strange. But I don't feel like I'm about to throw up. Or pass out. Or succumb to my memories. I think it's fine." After a second of hesitation, I add, "I trust you."

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What y'all have been waiting for... or at least I think... lmao

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