Phantom Recall

39 || the fall

A flash of white burns across my eyes.

Harlow and Leon have been talking for some time now. I know this, yet the presence of dread polluting my brain has caused their words to blend into an incomprehensible mass. I don't remember what they said mere seconds ago. And I'm still having trouble focusing even now.

The sight of Harlow's strong arm outstretched and dangling me over the edge of this building — how could I possibly look anywhere else? But I try. I try to blink away my tunnel vision, to clear the white noise flooding my ears, to pick out some ray of hope present in this hopeless situation. It's just a threat, I tell myself, scanning what small part of Harlow's expression I can see from our current position. It's only a threat — she doesn't intend to really drop me.

Why would she? What have I done to her to deserve that?

That isn't the question, unfortunately, and I know that well. For the same reason Noir dropped from the ceiling of the warehouse to stop Javier from killing Takashi. It wasn't out of spite. Not for anything Javier or the rest of us did to him, that's for certain. But for his own personal reasons, for his bond with Takashi that no matter how we tried we would never be able to comprehend. It came first.

Similarly, I suppose that Harlow's grudge against Leon, her heartache and lasting sorrow for the loss of her father and Alba, came far before the respect and affection she may have had for me. The same with Leon. Our friendship when I was alive may mean something to him, but not enough that he would sacrifice his plan to eliminate the spirit responsible for the phantom beasts being drawn from the border realm. Not enough that he would take his own life so that I could survive.

I manage to concentrate on his face. He's afraid. Even through that forced stoic nature of his, I can see that emotion shining through. Harlow has tossed her sword out into the middle of the roof where Leon could easily pick it up. He won't even look at it — no second thoughts, no reconsidering Harlow's one and only condition to spare me.

I've done nothing for him. It shouldn't surprise me...but it still hurts. Just to think that I could be so trivial to these people. Replaceable. To think that I've always been.

Leon inches forward. Maybe he's still hoping to save me, my inner voice cries. But Harlow only screams something at him in warning. Every step closer is another bead of sweat in Harlow's palm, another second closer to me slipping from her grasp before she can even think to drop me herself. And she is close. I can feel that much, even with my senses so strangely warped, my blood pressure on the rise despite no longer having blood flowing through my body.

I don't want to fall again.

But it doesn't matter what I want. Once more, I gave in to my own foolish desire to trust another person and paid dearly for the price.

Harlow lets go of me.

And down I plummet. It all happens too fast, too hectic for my faltering brain to fully process. Even more so the fact that I don't fall the entire way down. I stop — halfway, maybe less, maybe more. It's impossible to tell. But something, someone grabbed me by the leg, and as a result with gravity still wanting to draw me to my second death, the rest of my body is slammed against the side of the building. I'm left suspended in the air and peering down at the sidewalk. Vertigo swiftly overtakes me. I can't see anything now.

"Got ya."

"Guys, she got 'im!"

"Well, what are you doing then?? Help her pull him up!!"

Shouting. People are shouting, but before I can even try to identify any of them, I feel myself being lifted up and through one of the office building windows. It hadn't even been opened. The arm which reached out to me did so through solid glass and now aids me in phasing through it without me needing to lift a muscle of my own.