As it was (Abel Heilon)

Today's Entry

blood stains

One Hundred

Imperial Year XXXX

blood stains

I'm bleeding a lot, I'm also hurting a lot.

Well this is my choice and I have no regrets over this.

This is what I think would be the best for us.

May that child not end up in the same way as I was. But just by looking at it I could tell that she's going to be fine. It may not be that long but I could tell that everyone has been treating her well and I'm glad.

droplets of blood

I also want to apologize for my messy hand writing, as you see my hands were quite shaking right now but now that I think about it I have no one to apologize for this is my own diary.

Looking back, my mother told me to only write when I'm happy, but now that I have browsed most of my entries until now, I have realized that I often write when I have to vent something or when something was bothering me.

Well that did helped me a lot.

Ever since I was a child I was searching for something, somethings that would keep me preoccupied, something that could be in the same standings with me.

I think I did find someone rather than something.

But at the end of the day I can't dare have him.

You see, now that I can feel myself barely hanging on I may or may not have realized something's in my life.

I'm still young, and I could say I haven't done enough, well I did done enough for others and for this land, but I haven't done that much for myself until now.

I wanted to get married.

I want to have a child.

I want to live a very long and comfortable life.

I want to live.

Hah.

In the end I still want to leave after years of years of denial.

Still, it's too late now.

Then again, I have no regrets.