⁠☞ narry one-shots

✎scars to your beautiful

a/n :  I was really struggling with the themes in this book and it took me alot of courage to post this. 

i would also really appreciate if you guys vote and comment, because when i sort of put myself out there in the vulnerable zone, it would be really motivational and heartwarming if I got some support.

I write for not just me anymore, but you guys too :))

tw: body dismorphia

I startled awake, sweat dripping down my temple and hands shaking.

I knew from that moment, that it was going to be one of those days.

Sluggishly sliding out of bed, I made my way to the bathroom.

My mind was painfully aware of the way my feet flopped as it slammed onto the marble floor. Every step. Every fucking step.

I hesitated before flipping on the light switch.

Brace yourself Niall.

As soon as I entered the bathroom the mirror started screaming at me.

Not the mirror. The hideous reflection lurking inside it.

Me.

I stared at the hollowness of my cheekbones and the sickly pale blue colour that tinted my face.

My shoulder blades were too wide, stomach too bloated, arms too flabby.

God, why did I sleep just in my boxers?

I made my way towards the shower trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of my thighs chafing together.

The cold water hit my back and I tried to imagine myself drowning in the icy waves of Antarctica.

Anything to distract me.

As I stepped out of the shower a sudden numbness climbed through my legs and I shook my head.

A bed day, it was.

Quickly throwing on my 'me day' outfit, which consisted of an extremely baggy jumper, airy black trackies and a purple beanie, I climbed back into bed.

Smoothing the sheets over I decided to make some texts and check my phone before it's discarded for the day.

First thing I did was send a message to Mully, my best mate from Ireland.

To : Mulls 🤪

Hey mate, Op.Dinoshop...again. Mind coming over for the day.

From : Mulls 🤪

Be there in 5.

To : Mulls 🤪

Thanks, let yourself in and raid the fridge or some shit. Yk, the usual.

From : Mulls 🤪

Right. Get some rest mate. Love ya ❤️

I smiled at Mully's complete understanding. He always new what to do.

Suddenly a reminder popped up on the screen : Lads day with da boyz 🤟😈

Fuckkk. This was like the fiftieth cancel of the month.

I hurried clicked on the group chat.

Da boyz 💦😎

me : hey lads. gotta bail on you today, sorry. maybe raincheck for next week?

Immediately all three of them started typing and I knew I was fucked.

Payno 🦖: Again Niall?

Tommo 😼: His Royal Highness is doing much more important 'duties'. He doesn't have time for the peasants anymore.
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Dad(dy) 🍆: Stop being bitchy Lou.

Dad(dy) 🍆: Niall this is like the 10th time this week. Just tell us if you don't wanna hang out anymore.

Yeah. They kind of didn't know about my ISSUE. It's my fault. I didn't want them to treat me differently. But everything is all going to shit right now.

me : I do. I'm busy today is all.

Tommo 😼: Doing what bro? Spending time with your cooler friends.? Cut the fucking bullshit and give up on the goddam rainchecks.

Payno 🦖 : Niall, I hate to agree with Louis, but it's true. We just want to makes some memories before the hiatus and all you've been doing is bailing out on us.

me : It's complicated.

Dad(dy) 🍆: complicated my ass! please enlighten us on the complications of this situation.
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Tommo 😼: ^
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Payno 🦖 : ^

me : i'm sorry ok. It's been hard.

Dad(dy) 🍆: baby, please open up to me. what is happening?

Payno 🦖: look mate, we're worried. let us help you.

They can't. They fucking can't. No one can. Not even myself.

I'm literally the shittiest friend ever.

I toss the phone away, snuggling deeper in my makeshift pillow of Harry's Fleetwood Mac shirt.

He gave it to me a few months ago when we started dating. It was when I didn't have anything to wear at his place.

I've sort of 'permanently borrowed' it and have been using it as a grounding and coping mechanism for these situations.

My ears catch the faint sound of movement downstairs and the slight buzz of the telly.

Mully never bothered me when he came over. He would stay the night as well, which not only gave me, but him a peace of mind.

His presence usually calmed me down most of the time.

Today was not most of the time.

I involuntarily gagged as I pictured my ugly little body squirming from under the sheets like a slimy worm.

Why couldn't I look like the other boys with their cutting edge jawlines, rock-hard abs and their muscular tattoos.

Everyday I had to face the reality,: I would always be the runt of the litter.

Fuck my life.

Suddenly, 'Cry' by Cigarettes after Sex started softly playing in my room and I smiled.

When he remembered, Mully would play my favourite, most calming songs via the control pad in the living room.

It controlled everything, including the speakers in my bedroom.

He was such a good friend.

Unlike me.

When was the last time I did something for Mully?

When was the last time I actually hung out with the boys?

Why couldn't God be on my side? Why did everything have to be so hard?

Curling up in on myself, I sobbed, trying to ignore my lack of flexibility and crowding of my limbs in one place.

I faintly caught some commotion downstairs and brushed it off as Mully ordering takeout shit.

Fuck this. Sobbing wasn't fucking enough to drown out my troubles.

Nothing was ever going to be enough. Especially for me. I was never going to enough for me.

So I screamed. I screamed into my pillow as loud as I could.

I imagine my voice drying up the seas and oceans, crumbling the lands and earth and shattering the solar system and universe.

Immediately frantic footsteps started pattering up the stairs and I cowered back into the bed.

There were more people in the house.

Suddenly the door burst open.

Harry's pov :

I carded my shaky hand through my long curly locks.

"Uh...should we knock?" I lamely asked.

Louis, who had already raised his fist to the door, paused and looked back at me, unimpressed.

"No Harold, why don't we burn the door down, commando crawl in and pray he isn't getting fucked over the kitchen counter?" He snapped sarcastically, rapping sharply on the door.

I frowned at him, internally wincing at the thought of my boyfriend getting touched by someone else.

Liam slung a reassuring arm over my shoulder and I gently shrugged it off.

Prominent shuffling was heard from inside the house, before the door was opened to a sliver.

I lunged forward trying to pry it enough so we could squeeze in, but it had already been swung ajar.

"Mully?" we all chorused in confusion.

The man had crumpled up clothes and tired bags under his eyes, "Uh hey boys, come in."

He stepped aside and walked away while we just blindly followed him.

Why was Mully here? Where was Niall?

"So mate, Niall decided to cancel our Lads day for a lame pizza party for two at his house." Louis stared at the almost finished pizza on the coffee table with disdain.

A mixture of emotions passed through the Irish lad, anger, nervousness and...realisation?

He knew something we didn't. Something I didn't.

"Pizza for one," Mully corrected coldly, "For me."

I crumpled onto the couch, my mind whirring with worry for my boyfriend.