My Heart's in Alabama

4 - Matt

Tulane ends up winning by 2 points in a real nail-biter, buzzer-beater moment. The crowd holds its breath as the ball floats through the air towards the basket. The clock ticks down. The ball bounces off the rim, once, twice, and then falls through the net milliseconds before the final buzzer rings. The crowd erupts. Game over.

"Hmm," my mom muses as if she's confused by all the commotion.

Sports never really were her thing, clearly.

"Well that's that, I guess," she says. "What'd you think?"

I shrug, "it was a good game."

My mom kind of nods and we both sort of look at each other, neither of us sure of what to say next. I don't think it was exactly the bonding experience she was hoping for, but one step at a time.

"Okay, good!" She says in a cheery voice. "This was, um..."

She wants to say "this was fun!", but she second guesses herself and her forced, upbeat attitude quickly fades. Being the "cheery" mom was never really her thing, either.

"I'm glad we did this," she finishes in a much more subdued tone.

"Yeah, me too."

The corners of her lips turn upwards. This time it's a real smile. She takes a breath in, relieved that she finally got something right.

"Great," she says, her smile growing. "I'm just going to go to the restroom and then maybe we can get Chinese for dinner?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

"Okay then. I'll meet you out front?"

"Yup."

"Okay," she says again and grabs her purse.

She turns to head towards the bathroom, but stops herself and looks back at me. For a moment, I think she forgets how much I've grown since she last saw me and questions her decision to leave me on my own.

"You'll be okay by yourself?"

"Mmhmm."

"Right, of course," she shakes her head at herself. "You're not a kid anymore, are you?"

"Not really."

We both pause for a second and let that truth sink in. It's certainly not the first time we've been confronted by the reality of what she's missed, but it definitely has not gotten any easier. Sometimes, it feels like it gets harder.

She opens her mouth and I swear I can see her start to form the words "I'm sorry," but I cut it off before I get the chance to find out. I can't deal with that right now.

"I'll see you out front, okay?" I spit out.

Taken slightly aback by my abruptness, my mom just nods and we both awkwardly scurry off in our own separate directions.

💚

While I wait for my mom, I scroll the group chat to see what I missed. As much as I hate the attention, I was kind of secretly hoping I'd still be the topic of conversation. But once I stopped responding, they quickly moved on and filled the space with plans to get milkshakes at Chellie's.

My heart sinks thinking about them all hanging out at Chellie's without me.

I can see it so clearly. They're squished together in the booth in the back, clinking glasses. Sal's cracking jokes, Teddy's got his arm wrapped around Bridgette, Whitney's fluffing up her hair, and Kiersten's covering her cute little face as she laughs at an off-color joke she's embarrassed to find funny.