My Heart's in Alabama

15 - Kiersten

We've been back to school for literally one week and Whitney and Bridgette are already obsessing over Homecoming. And when I say obsessing, I mean obsessing. Apparently, they have to make up for last year's subpar Hoco experience. According to them, it all went to hell in a handbasket when Ruthie chose Strawberry Fields as the theme. Everyone was on board except Abbie Lynn Quaker, who had a total meltdown because her boyfriend of three weeks was allergic to strawberries. Abbie Lynn was utterly furious that her co-captain didn't know this and could not fathom how Ruthie could be so insensitive to the plight of the strawberry averse. But, Abbie Lynn's boyfriend was from out of town, and no one had even met him, so how was Ruthie supposed to know he was allergic to strawberries?

It was such a disaster that no one knew about it except the five people on the Homecoming committee. At least, that's what I could gather from my second-hand knowledge. My dad didn't let me go last year, so I didn't really see it for myself. I wasn't sure at first if he'd even allow me to go this year, but after some fierce negotiation, my mom was able to wear him down. There are minor stipulations, but with my dad, there always are.

Since Homecoming is "right around the corner" and "we really want to top last year's showing," as Whitney and Bridgette put it, they decide to stage an emergency shopping session. Their parents are visiting their mom's sister for the weekend, and my mom doesn't like to drive long distances, so we're stuck trying to convince my dad to take us.

Knowing how he feels about Homecoming and dances in general, Whitney and Bridgette made sure to coach me on the art of "the eyelash bat and bait." A tried and true technique that Whitney and Bridgette had perfected that can guilt any man into giving you anything you want. It's all a little too Toddlers & Tiaras for me, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

So, I slap on my sweetest smile and go on the offensive.

"Hi, Daddy."

He looks up slowly and eyes me suspiciously. I don't play the "Hi Daddy," card often, so he knows something's up.

"Oh, man, what am I in for?"

I bite my lip, a little hesitant to spit it out. My eyes drift to Whitney and Bridgette and they both give me a nod of reassurance.

"We need dresses for Homecoming."

"Dresses. For Homecoming."

"Uh-huh," I nod.

My dad stares at me as I continue chewing on my lip nervously. I knew he wouldn't exactly be happy, but the suspense is killing me.

"Why?"

My heart sinks a little, but thankfully, my saint of a mother steps in.

"Well, they can't very well go naked."

His brow furrows and his jaw drops open, truly stunned at my mother's joke.

"I know that," my dad says. "I wasn't suggesting -"

"Sure sounded like it," my mom says and gives us girls a smile.

My dad turns his head to my mom who raises her eyebrows, challenging him. My dad rolls his eyes, slams the golf magazine he was reading onto the coffee table and pulls himself up off the couch.

"All right," he says, clearly exasperated. "Let's go."