My Heart's in Alabama

19 - Matt

"I can't believe she's really going to go with him," I mutter to Sal later on our walk home from practice. "She can't possibly be interested in him. She's way too good for him. I mean, what could she see in him? He's such a teacher's pet. Thinks he's so smart because he's on the debate team. Like it's some accomplishment to outwit the mouthbreathers in this town. What a joke."

It's been several hours since Porter asked Kiersten to the dance, and I still can't get it out of my head. I keep replaying it over and over again and torturing myself with every possible worst-case scenario. She could have a great time with him and decide she wants to hang out with him more. They could start dating. In a few weeks' time, Kiersten could have a boyfriend. He could get jealous and tell her to cut me off. And she could end up so in love with him that she'd go through with it. Even if they broke up, how would we ever recover from that? All my worst fears could come to life. I can spend all day deluding myself to believe that she would never date him, but that doesn't change reality. I could lose her to someone else. 

Sal opens his mouth to speak, but I'm not ready to hear what he has to say. I'm too stuck in my own head, too caught up in my ranting to listen. I have to do something. I can't let her slip away from me.

"You know what this means, don't you?" I say. "I have to go to Homecoming. I have no choice."

Sal chuckles and smiles in amusement. From where he's sitting, I probably sound like a full-on crazy person. Going off on Porter Richardson, who admittedly has done nothing wrong except ask out the girl I like. It brings me some self-awareness, but it doesn't stop my line of thinking. I don't care if it makes me look crazy. Doesn't everyone get a little crazy when they're in love?

"Oh, yeah? Why is that?"

"To protect her. He might try something. She's my best friend. I can't let that happen."

"Try what?" Sal snorts. "This is Porter we're talking about. Dude barely has the nerve to ask the lunch lady for an extra ketchup packet."

"That's how those guys operate," I say. "They establish trust and build up a reputation so no one sees it coming. They get away with it too. Because afterward, no one believes that someone so 'harmless' could do something like that. It's all part of the plan. You read the news. You know what I'm talking about."

"While I fully support that, I'm not sure it applies in this case," Sal says. "Seems like you're making up an excuse to hate on him."

We reach Sal's house and I stop for a second. I know he's right. Porter isn't some evil mastermind predator. He's just a guy who likes a girl. Kiersten's not in any danger and I know that. Still, I can't seem to let it go.

"You don't have to believe my intentions," I say. "But you're my friend and I need you to back me up on this."

Sal sighs and I can see the pity in his eyes. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how I really feel about Kiersten. He's known me for years and he's honestly like a brother to me. It wouldn't surprise me if he figured it out. I haven't exactly been subtle recently and I'm sure my meltdown over Kiersten going to Homecoming with Porter isn't helping. I need to get it together. I know I do. But I've been bottling up these feelings for so long that I feel like I'm going to explode.

"I don't agree with this," Sal says. "But if you insist, you should find a date. Otherwise, she'll see right through you. Changing your mind about the dance the second someone asks her? She'll know you're checking up on her. And who knows, being there with someone else, it might take your mind off things."

I nod as I take in Sal's suggestion. Asking someone to Homecoming had never even crossed my mind.  I don't totally hate the idea. It makes sense. But I have a hard time imagining anyone else besides Kiersten on my arm. Who would I even ask? I don't have the slightest idea of where to start. Every dream, every fantasy I've ever had, it's always been Kiersten.