The Carmichael Sunshine

Chapter 12

I'm still in my room two hours later when there's a knock on the door. I don't bother to turn when the door cracks open. I listen as the door opens wider, as he moves into the room and closes it behind him.

Connor is a smart man. He can read me. He knows I'm upset. I feel the weight of the bed change next to me as he lays beside me. I feel tears welling my eyes as those familiar arms wrap around me, pulling me close to him.

He kisses the top of my head, "I'm sorry. I didn't know she was coming."

I can't speak I'm so upset.

Connor lets out a long, pained breath. He doesn't apologize easily. I know this about him. But I can't forgive him yet. I don't even know what we're doing here.

"Once things settle down..." his voice trails.

I manage to turn in his arms, facing him. "What?" I ask bitterly. "You'll tell everyone we're what? Dating? How is this going to end, Connor?"

He frowns down at me, "I don't know."

That doesn't do much to reassure me.

"You'll need to let me go," I tell him.

His frown deepens. "I'm..." he starts. Then he clears his throat, "...trying with you." I don't think that's what he was planning on saying, but I don't push it. Any piece of that cracked armor of his that I can remove, I will take.

"I know," I whisper, pulling my hand up to cup his face. I know he's not used to sharing emotions. Not used to feeling. I'm the opposite of him in so many ways. I feel everything so much.

I don't know when he started feeling for me.

I think back to a month ago. Me being his nurse. Walking with him everyday, blabbering on and on and he listened, acting annoyed. I think about the way he'd try so hard not to smile, while scoffing at my silliness. I think to his arms around me at the cabin in the rain. The way something so significant was shifting between us even now.

I hurt him when he found out about my betrayal. I hurt him so bad because he did care about me, even back then.

In his way, he let me in.

But there was deeper I could go. I knew it, and so did he.

"When can I leave?" I whisper to him now.

Something works in his throat. "I don't know."

"I need to see my dad, Connor."

There are a long few moments of silence. But I don't fill the silence for once. I need to see my dad. If he won't let me go, I will leave this place. I'll find a way. And if I don't, this relationship can't work. And he knows it. There's a threat in my statement.

"Can I please go see my dad?" I ask, finally looking him in the eyes.

He looks pained. But he nods.

"Yes. Fine. I'll take you tomorrow."

I can't help but sigh of relief and fall into his arms.

"Thank you," I tell him. Connor's arms wrap tighter around me.

"You're so sweet, Ava. You shouldn't be thanking me for that. You should hate me. You should hate everything I've done to you. The way I treated you...what I did..."