The Carmichael Sunshine

Chapter 15

My house is cleaner than I thought it would be. I wonder if Connor had someone in here to clean it while I was gone. There isn't even a speck of dust. My cellphone sits, shining brightly on the table. My car was waiting for me in the driveway. Everything is right where I left it. Except I feel heartless now. Like I lost a significant piece of me. But what part of me would I lose if I stayed?

I plug my phone then check it. Myriads of missed call and texts greet me. Mostly Andrea and Daphne. A few from my boss, Frank, at Scarlet's. Eventually they taper off. It appears that both Andrea and Daphne were texted from my phone. Specifically, Daphne, who was filled in on my whereabouts as if I were the one texting her. All lies of course, but I fill myself in on the lie, regardless.

My house is so quiet and still.

And cold.

I hold my arms around myself.

My mail has been organized. When I check my account balances, all of my bills have been paid. All of them. My phone is paid off entirely. With nerves, I check my student loan bills. When I see the balance at zero, I almost drop the phone.

Connor paid my loan.

I start having a panic attack as I run to my room. It feels small and unfamiliar to me now. I miss the manor. I miss Connor's arms.

I scroll through my phone. I have to call him. His number is still there from when I worked for him. I attempt to call, but my number is blocked. The call won't go through. He blocked me.

My hands are shaking and I make it to the bathroom just in time to throw up all the contents of my breakfast.

Once I'm done and reign in my tears, I decide to unpack my bag.

The clothes Connor got me are folded neatly. I assume Maggie's doing.

I can't believe he paid my student loans off, that he kept up with my bills, even my god damn house cleaning. I felt sick. And empty.

I put the piles of clothes away, hoping to feel some semblance of control over everything. Unfortunately, by the time I get to the bottom of the suitcase, I feel no more in control than I did a half hour ago.

I let out a shaky breath when I see what's sitting at the bottom of the suitcase.

My pink fuzzy hat.

The hat I gave him to keep to remind him of me. I'm surprised I have any tears left as I pick up the 'pink monstrosity.' I hold it to me like it's a teddy bear.

He really is done with me.

As I go to put it back down on top of my dresser, something falls out of it on the bedroom floor. I bend over to retrieve it and gasp when I see what it is.

A wad of cash with a small note.

If you decide to go back to school, something to help you out. -C

A big fucking wad of cash. Blinking, I unfold the money. Hundred-dollar bills rolled so tightly. I count the money bill-by-bill.

Twenty thousand dollars.

I can't accept this.

What was he thinking?

I wanted him to keep the god damn hat.