Of Course, It's You

Chapter 16

HANNAH

Hannah hadn't slept much since Saturday, and it was finally taking its toll on her body. She felt like a wreck, and she couldn't calm her mind. Her head and heart were on their last threads. And one of them, or both, were about to break.

She knew Mike had flown in yesterday, but she didn't want to go and see him. She didn't want to meet up with him, she didn't even want to think of him. Any time she thought about going to see him, she couldn't help but still feel hurt. Then, to add all of those emotions with what she was dealing with at work, she had no idea which way was up at this point.

Maybe, if they would meet at Rhonda's for the social event, it would be a great place for them to talk. A room full of people, some strangers and some not, that would ensure neither of them could go insane on the other. It would be far too public for anything outlandish to happen.

They had such a complicated history that she sometimes felt like she starred in her very own soap opera. Hardly anyone knew what had happened between them and not even Jules or Jason knew the whole story.

She looked at the shirt she was given at the meeting earlier and gently touched the small letters.

Gallo.

She felt her eyes begin to sting. She inhaled deeply until her breath stopped shaking. It was such a kind gesture from her work team, and it meant a lot to her. But, she had struggled not to lose her composure in that conference room. If it would have only been her and Lauren, she would've cracked, and a flood would have escaped. But there were too many people around them.

It had been so long since she'd cried over her.

Kayley.

Her wife.

Kayley Gallo.

The charity meant that a child like Lyvie could be given an opportunity for a scholarship. Almost everyone in the office knew Hannah's wife had died on a deployment, but even though it had been almost four years, she rarely talked about it.

She felt her chest get tight.

How long had it been since she thought of her? Oh, God. How could she have gone so long without thinking of her?

She tried to force the memories away. Put them in small boxes in her head to shove them away, stored for when she would be better prepared to unbox them.

If only that day would come where she was better prepared to handle the pain and unpack those boxes without falling apart.

Mike had been there, right beside her- beside Kayley when the explosion happened and he held himself responsible for not being able to save her. His survivors' guilt. Hannah never once blamed him and never would. He did enough of that himself.

But, not too long after Kayley's funeral, they both made their relationship muddy. They both felt lost, alone and the devastation hit them like a tidal wave. Comforting a friend somehow molded into something else.

Crying together led to holding each other, which then one day she found herself sharing her bed with him. That time of her life was so foggy, she couldn't even remember how they had gotten to the point of sleeping together in the first place. It just happened.

Both were sad and didn't know how to be there for the other in a way that they needed. There was this need for intimacy, one that neither could truly offer to make them feel better.

After that point, Mike kept volunteering for deployments, and she hadn't heard from him since.

Hannah felt her ribs fighting against her. They didn't want to move to allow in the air she forced her lungs to take. Each breath, they were solid and unmoving.