Of Course, It's You

Chapter 37

Hannah

As she watched Carmen load her luggage into the car, Hannah had a weird sense of Deja vu. It felt like it hadn't been that long ago that she watched someone else as they loaded their stuff into her car, and she was driving them off to an airport. She gripped the edge of the counter in her kitchen at the memory.

The last time she watched someone pack up her car, it was Kayley leaving on what was supposed to be her final deployment. It was only supposed to be for eight months, but four months in, and she was getting a phone call, and Mike was limping up her porch steps. 

With a large breath, she opened the cabinet and pulled out a small orange pill bottle and popped her anxiety medication.

She had to remind herself that Carmen was flying to New York, it was only a couple hours' worth of a flight, and she still wasn't even sure where the two of them stood in terms of a relationship or dating. But she wasn't sure if Carmen would ever come back. Which felt too close to home for her – the not returning aspect.

The whole day, she didn't want to bring all of this up for her. She didn't want to make probably the last calm day Carmen would have, be spent talking about them and where they stood. It was a complicated venture for the two of them. They both had baggage, and with the scandal around Carmen's dad, she didn't want to make it feel like every wall was caving in on the woman.

Standing before security in the airport, Hannah was glad to be holding Lyvie's hand. If she hadn't been, she would have been wringing them out and biting her nails. She didn't want to let Carmen be aware of what she was currently going through, when she had enough to deal with on her own.

She was pretty sure Carmen was aware when she turned to look at her, and her eyes went soft.

"Hey," she whispered as she pulled Hannah in for a tight embrace. "I should have gotten a driver to bring me. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

A sound escaped her throat, something between a sigh and a choke. "It's not your issue to think about." She hadn't meant to say it out loud. Didn't want Carmen worrying about anything other than what she was already worrying about.

"No, but it is."

Hannah looked at her with pleading eyes. "But it really isn't."

"Hannah, it is though. I was just being selfish. I didn't want to say goodbye to you at the house. I wanted even just a couple more minutes spent with you." She let out a large exhale. She turned to look at the line to security knowing she would have to make whatever she said quick. "I care about you." She said when she turned back to Hannah. "I care about you a lot. More than I thought I would... more than I thought I could." She rubbed her forehead before continuing. "If I had a choice, then I wouldn't be leaving."

"W-what?"

"You heard me." She placed her hands on Hannah's shoulders. "I want to keep working on this. Whatever this is between us." Carmen exhaled a sigh again. "I'm not good at this. Words. Feelings. All of it. But, before I go through that line and fly home, I need you to know that this is not me leaving you."

Hannah let out a shuddering breath. A breath she didn't know she held. And she had no idea the power held in what Carmen just said.

They both had been through a lot. Both had people leave them - obviously for different reasons and some had been entirely out of their control. But, this? Knowing that Carmen wanted to stay, to work things out with her? It hit Hannah in the gut like a punch.

"I like you too, Carmen Mills." Hannah said, a genuine smile on her face.

"Oh good. Here I was afraid otherwise." The tone she gave was nothing but flirtatious sarcasm and it seemed to calm them both down.

"I don't let Lyvie run around a park with just anyone, you know."

"Wise choice." Carmen chuckled, and then knelt in front of Lyvie. "Do I get a hug before I leave?"

"Mhmm." Lyvie hummed quietly. The commotion of all the people had her acting shy, but she hugged Carmen around the neck anyway.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay? And I'll make sure to send your mommy those pictures of my old cat George, okay?"

That got her to brighten up, her mood already changing from scared and shy around the mass of people hustling to their gates.

Carmen stood up, "I'll let you know when I land." She bent down to pick up her carry-on bags, and Hannah picked up Lyvie to sit her on her hip.

Afraid Carmen was going to turn from them at that moment and head to the security line, she acted on instinct rather than think of her actions and the possible consequences. She reached out for Carmen and turned her around to face her. She pressed their lips together and kissed her like they might never see each other again. Or, it might have been to remind Carmen that she too wanted to work on whatever was between them.

Hannah pulled away when she heard giggling next to her and a small warm hand pressed into her cheek.

She laughed when she looked at her daughter and nuzzled her face with her own. "Okay, okay. You get a kiss too dear." Lyvie squealed when Hannah leaned in to kiss her and then blew a raspberry on her skin.

"Mommy! That tickles!" Lyvie creamed through bursts of laughter.

"Alrighty, let's say goodbye to Miss Carmen, okay? We don't want to make her late for her flight."

"Okay. Bye Miss Carmen." Lyvie leaned forward with her arms outstretched.

Hannah's eyes went wide with shock. She only did that for two other people aside from herself. Reserving those types of reaches for Jason and Mike. And now, it seems Carmen has been added to that short list.

Carmen hugged Lyvie and kissed her head. Before she entered the line, she turned to look at them one last time and waved. Hannah bounced Lyvie to wave with her, and they said goodbye.