Needy Girl

3 |

This can't be this can't really not be!
Me? A lesbian? No no no!
I really like boys like the one in second grade! I... I hated him. I just sayed I liked him because I wanted to be a part of the girl. Well it looks like I am a lesbian....
Well but now I am awake and don't know what to do.... So I stand up and go down to the kitchen.
3:48
I grab a cup of coffee and put it in the microwave.
I am really upset that my coffee Mashine is broken but I can't change that. After I got the coffee I open my laptop and look for Russian exercises for beginners.
When I am already awake, then I can also study a bit Russian, maybe I can impress Miss Romanoff.
At 6:30 I finish working. I am already exhausted but I think it really helped me. I go in my bedroom again and pick my pretties dress I could find. Then I pick black shoes that matches to the purple dress. After that I go to the bathroom and make me ready. A bit of perfume and a lipstick and Voilà.
I hope she recognise it because yesterday I looked like an homeless.
Ready for School I sit in my car and drive to school. I also had time to grab coffee from Starbucks. With that I turn into the school car park.
It's 8:20 and I am already at school? Wow that's my new best time! I walk into school, feeling like I am living my best teenage life. I never felt so happy again since ages. I walk into Englisch and sit in the last row. We don't need to overreact! But I am going to try to makes notes and actually be attentive.

When Hazel joins the class room she looks at me like I am an alien.

„Y/n? You are already here?"

„Yes I am! Supriseeeeee"

„Did... did it happend again?"

„No and please never say something about that again!"
I say with a harsch tone.

„I am just early"

„But somethings are never changing"
She says sitting next to me.

After 2 long hours of English I come out of the classroom beeing more than proud of myself. I really have wrote things down!

„So how was Russian yesterday" she says and I start to think about the next Russian lesson.
Will she see that I am normally not that ugly?

„Yea Uhm it was really bad. Miss Romanoff is like a dragon. She made even me quite. I really can't describe it but she is... special."
When I see how hazel looks at me I know I Schould also tell some more bad things about her.
„Yes but in a nutshell she is annoying and I can't stand her periods!"
I say, Hazel just looking at me in shook.

„What is? Have you seen a ghost"
I say looking in the direction she looks. When I see what is standing there or better WHO is standing there I feel like I am in the wrong movie.

„Miss Romanoff?!"

„Miss Y/l/n. What a pleasure to see you here"
I gulp
„I am already exited for the lesson after the break" she says walking of.
I just starre at her walking away. Shit.

Even by waking away she is hot.
SHUT UP INNER VOICE!
„Shit! Looks like your in trouble now"

„Well it looks like on the only day we only have 4 hours school I will end up in 2 hours extra detention" I answer, knowing that my Good impression I wanted to make will not work...

After the break I go in the classroom sitting in the last row again. When I am just quite she maybe will forget me... oh how wrong I am. Miss over smart (me) totally forgot that the entrance of the classroom is in the back. So the door opens and miss Romanoff walks in class looking at me. Gosh I just want Sinking into the ground.
I slide deeper into my chair.

„Good morning class, we start with the vocabulary of the last year. Now anyone Schould stand up"
Everyone sights and is standing up, also me.

„So I say a word in Russian and if you have it correct you can sit down again. The last one standing will end up in detention with me today" she say while looking suspiciously in my direction.
After minutes full of feeling helpless I am the only one standing with another girl. Okey I got this! I learned 3 hours Russian this morning I can do this!
„Okey final round"
The voice of Miss Romanoff says.
„Автострада, автомагистраль"
I know that!!!!!
„Car"
I say feeling relief all over my body.
„Wrong"
What? This can't be! Автострада, автомагистраль means-
„Car road"
The other girl says
„That's correct!"
For nothing! I stand up at 4 am for learning Russian for nothing. Everything was useless... I am useless.
Never had a lesson so effected me than now. I can feel a hole in my heart and I feel how my eyes get wet.

„So miss y/l/n."
The voice of Miss Romanoff is hard but also with joy.
„I know that you have today no more lessons so come after lesson to me for detention"
She turns around and goes back to her desk.
I feel nothing. Nothing but disappointment.
I feel how I get tears in my eyes.
„Miss y/l/n is everything okey?"
Miss Romanoff says, glancing at me.
The whole class looks now at me and I could hold it anymore. I storm out of the classroom and run to the toilet. I have luck that no teacher is here, controlling the hall pass I don't have.
I close the cabin and sit on the toilet. I didn't stormed out of the classroom because I failed, that's normal. The fact that I embarrassed myself infront of the woman I am in love with is hard but the reason was something else. I had an panic attack. I suffer under panic attacks since I am 14. After I became careless and mean I never had one again, until now. I start to tremble and my whole body starts to cramp. „Shit, Shit, Shit" i cry in silent. I look down and see that my arm is full with blood. When I stormed in the toilet I scraped my arm.

xX hey guys! I know that I put suprising mental issues in the story and that a lot of you will not like it and stop reading the story but I think it would be a bit better to get the connection between Miss Romanoff and y/n.
I hope you aren't made at me.
See you Xx