Phantom's Understudy

Part Eleven - Just Living

** ELIZABETH **

I had stayed with Erik that night, though he insisted I slept separately from him. I mainly stayed because I had become too tired to go back to my room and it only took a little bit of convincing for him to let me stay.

My ears had heard some organ playing in the distance. I sat up and walked over to the organ slowly. Erik acknowledged my presence and continued playing the organ.

I walked behind him and touched the center of his shoulder blades. He glanced my way, seeming scared of what was going to happen next. I didn't know why, but I bent over and kissed him, hoping his fears would diminish.

When I pulled away, he had a tear in his eyes.

I frowned.

"Erik, what's wrong?"

He shook his head. "I don't deserve you."

I sat on his bench next to him, but with my body facing away from the organ. My hand went up to his unmasked cheek and I said, "I decide who does and doesn't deserve me. And you, Erik," I pulled his face close to me and leaned forward to kiss him again. "You deserve me. You deserve more than I can give you."

He shook his head as if showing some regret. But his eyes opened to look at me again. "Please don't ever leave me, Beth. I desperately need you."

My heart broke at his statement. I reached my arms around him, laying my head on his chest and said, "I could never..."

He didn't respond, and just started shaking from crying. This just made me hold him tighter.

"I'm a monster." He wept.

"Erik...why the sudden change in you? I thought we were making progress. You're a man. Not a monster." I pulled away to look at his reddened face.

"I've killed people, Beth. Not just one person. People." He said. "My face is a face not even a mother could love. I deserve nothing that you could give me."

I frowned. Of course I had heard the stories. I knew this. All of it.

"But you're not a bad guy, Erik. You...you need compassion. You haven't had any form of love and...and I could only imagine what that would drive me to do." I said, trying to comfort him.

"I killed Joseph Buquet." He blurted out.

This took me off guard. I had just seen Joseph yesterday before the showing. I managed to avoid him, but he was alive last I saw. "Erik, you didn't -" thinking he was referring to the incident in the hall.

"Yesterday. On stage. I hanged him in front of everyone."

I didn't know what to say. Of anyone who had it coming, Joseph was one of them. But that didn't mean he deserved to die. And I wasn't sure how to respond at this point.

"He was tracking me down. I was just trying to get my point across about the damn Vicomte having my box. And he chased me down, and finally found me. He recognized me. Said things about that night and how I should have stayed out of it. That you weren't mine to protect. He started saying things about you and about how he will eventually get you. How I wasn't worth you...how he wants you. I couldn't take it with all that had already been going on with our relationship. I snapped and choked him...then hung him." He showed some anger behind the tears but took a deep breath. "it was not my intention. I did not want to kill him. But I couldn't deny my feelings for you. I never could."

To be honest, with Erik's reputation, and the fact that Erik knocked him out when trying to rape me the first time, I genuinely felt this was Joseph's fault. Who honestly taunts someone who has killed people? Although taunt might not be the right word. I'm sure there was much truth behind his words.