Apodidraskinda

Unfixable

I looked at Willow. She looked at me. We stared at each other for several moments, as my panic grew larger and larger.

"Ivory? What was...all of that?" She sounded weary and fearful. As she should be. I had just made a huge mistake. In front of Willow, in front of the most amazing, beautiful thing on this planet.

"I'm sorry-I just-i-it hurt you s-so..." I trailed off. What was there to say? I don't curse, but boy did I fu...mess up. And it was such a big mistake, such a big screw-up, even if it was to save her. I couldn't undo the body on the ground in a million years.

"I...th-thank-thank you?" she stammered, blinking tears out of her eyes. I felt so unexplainably bad that it hurt, it physically hurt. Water filled my eyes, too, as I stared at Willow. How could I have done such a barbaric thing?

"I'm so sorry, Willow. I didn't mean to do any of that..." But I did. There was the full intention to kill the thing, to hurt it like it hurt Willow. I remembered when Willow scraped her knee and said her eyes were sweating, that she wasn't crying. That was me now, not wanting to admit to the streams coming out of my eyes.

I think it was to appear brave. She wanted to be brave. But I couldn't do that, not like she could. I couldn't be her, I couldn't be a hero, a fearless leader, confident, anything.

"Ivory..." Willow walked over to me, cupping my face in her hands. "It's...it's okay." I buried my head in the crook of her neck, sobbing. Willow hugged me, muffled hics escaping her as she nestled her head in my hair. How comforting this was, it always was. We were meant for this embrace...but not this ashy, abandoned, apocalyptic gray world.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, clinging to her shirt.

"I know why you did it." And then I gasped softly, pulling Willow back to the shed to look for a cloth, anything to clean her eye, to bandage it, to fix the hole that thing left in her beautiful face.

"Shoot! Your eyes-eye-we have to fix it-" I scrambled to find a rag. And I did...but it was covered in ash and soot. "No!"

"Ivory, calm down." She looked at me calmly. How? How could she be so relaxed? Her eye is gone! She almost died! I stared at her for a long moment, zoning out a little. Although, the blood dripping down her face enough to bring me back to reality.

"We-we can find a-a river, or-or water, or anything!" I cried, anguished. I was stupidly clinging to this desperate hope, that maybe we could fix this. But we couldn't fix any of this, ever, at all. Willow said something, however, I didn't pay one bit of attention. All I was focused on was finding anything to fix something unfixable. I felt like a fool, like an idiot grasping for answers and anything to help.

Nothing. No water, no cleaning supplies, not even a handkerchief.

The shed seemed so closed as I crawled around for something that wouldn't appear.

Willow's pleas to stop seemed so distant as I searched.

Home had never been so far away as I sobbed into my cold, dirt-covered hands.