dead girls don't love [dgdl]

chapter 22 \y

ASHNA KNEW NOT WHAT TO SAY, while Ivan was going crazy. He had no idea how in the past one and a half years, he went from never talking to girls this way to having someone who made him feel like this — like rainbows in blue skies, rains, sultry evenings, smiles, content and happiness, pain and fear of losing someone who felt like his own. 

Ashna stands in front of him, nervous yet staring at him while he keeps avoiding her gaze. 

Her hairs flutter against her neck by the cold breeze that has goosebumps arise on her skin. The afternoon sun melts into the sky painting it in its shades of yellow, blue, white and orange. The colour the evening commences with is majorly pinkish, red merged in purple.

For mere seconds their eyes meet and they split before he looks away, both of their hearts thud inside them, beating at a fast pace.

Sweet, hurtful yet desirous, demanding and daunting. It felt like a mysterious ache inside their hearts which held them feeling sultry, devoted and aching for each other. 

Ivan walks the stairs of the little hill which had, in the process of their meeting, turned into a secret spot of their own. Maybe it's the clean air here which blows, or maybe, it's because the place is away from the chaos of the city, and its undesired noise, even its silences are tranquil. 

Tense and afraid, Ivan feels his nerves give way. Three days and nights passed, and she did not contact him— no calls, texts, not even any posts or stories or anything. Lost, unseen for three days. 

He almost thought it was over, if there was anything, whatever that had made him feel so happy and fulfilled, was lost in a blink of a moment and he was not even informed. 

It was so sudden, so bizarre, so painful that he could barely understand the pain in his heart. He knew he was aching, but things turned so suddenly that he could not prepare to bear it. As if it would have helped, but. 

All these days, his heart ached for Ashna, his eyes demanded to see her and his body burnt for her presence. 

Now when she was so close to her, walking up the stairs in small steps and not whispering a word, Ivan thought of nothing, not of the pains and aching void he felt the past few days, but only to turn around and pull her up in his arms. 

To hold her close to him, so close that he could hear her breaths in his ear and she could hear his heartbeat against her chest. To kiss her and don't stop—

Ivan shut his eyes, stopping his trail of thoughts as he swallows a thick gulp down his throat and fists his hand on either side. 

He missed her. Oh God! Now when he has seen her again, after three long days of pure agony and uncertainties, he is realizing how much he missed her. Each day, every night, she was who he thought of. 

Now when he has seen her face, so pretty and familiar, so lovely and appealing, he wants to kiss her endlessly. 

One thing these hurtful nights, sad days and empty feelings had brought him was the unguilty realization that he loved her. 

More than he could have ever imagined. More than he loved anyone or could ever do. 

But he feared it was the end today, of the pious and most beautiful dream he was seeing. 

Hell, he thought all had ended. He was barely able to do the normal things. Everywhere and always, only her thoughts grasped him. It felt painful but a pain so unique and full of amour. Evenings felt a burden and a gossamer of emptiness strained his heart. 

He was trying to accept. To believe that nothing ever happened while wishing and wanting all of it again and more than it, until Ashna texted him to meet.