we had the stars [tommyinnitxreader] (book 3/3)

prologue

y/n pov:

"y/n, you can keep telling yourself that you don't miss him anymore, and you'll probably think you mean it too when it's 2 in the afternoon and you're grabbing your coffee from the local coffee shop that's 5 minutes from your house," clay sighed before taking a breath, "but before you know it, its 2AM and you're in bed staring at the ceiling and there's that oh so tiny ache in your heart that yearns for him," i looked away from the ground towards my phone, "and you can't close your eyes because you're torn between not being able to decide if his absence is more terrifying than the possibility that there will always be a part of you that misses him.." he finishes off.

"Clay, i know, believe me i do, i just wish things didn't go down the way that they did, i mean yeah we were still only kids but like, i hated the way things were left..." he sighs, "y/n, if you wish things were different why don't you talk to him? You have a way of contacting him, you know?" I sigh, "clay it's not that easy, how i wish it was.. I told him that i loved him because i thought there was a chance and then all of a sudden he's got a girlfriend, i mean you wouldn't be okay after that. And not to mention we got into that huge fight..."

My memories start playing over in my mind.

~"Tommy, I cannot stand to be around you. You know why. But I do actually have to go back soon, and I'm so bad at goodbyes. You know that better than anyone.." he sighed again, "tell me where you are. We need to talk about this." I groaned again, "Tommy no. I can't face you right now."~

It was three years ago, why is it still affecting me?!

~"Tommy what the hell are you doing here?!" i said closing the door, "no, y/n what are you doing here?" i looked away from him, "and why won't you look at me dammit!?" i took a breath, "because every time i look at you, every god damn time, all i see is a boy i love who doesnt love me back, tommy you have no idea what i'm going through right now!" he was taken aback for a second, "oh please, y/n i love you, i have loved you every single fucking day since the day we met, but everytime i wanted to tell you something was always in the way" i looked at him, "y/n, i loved you until i thought you were about to die, and even then i still loved you, but then Elle came along," i sighed, "yeah, and you stopped loving me," he looked at me dead in my eyes, "of course i fucking didnt, y/n, i still love you every single day, but clearly you can't see that!" suddenly i got very angry, "how the FUCK am i supposed to see that you still love me when clearly youre with someone?! Tommy you fucked up. Not the other way around. I left because clearly you and Elle are going strong, i will never get in the way of that, if you didn't know that then how the fuck can you stand there and tell me you are still in love with me?!"~

I thought over every detail of the days before and the day I left. I loved that boy. That's why I did what I did. I didn't want to cause any pain between him and Elle, and I certainly didn't want to hurt myself anymore.

~"well?" he looked at me, "y/n, I'm sorry," I sighed, "this isn't something you can fix with a simple im sorry tommy, i wish it was, but its not," he looked from the floor and to me. I showed no emotion. "y/n, please, i- i just want to make things right!" i blinked, "you can't, tommy, you just can't, this isn't something simple, it's complicated and you just- ugh," i walked over to them, "y/n, whatever he did im sure its fixable!!" Elle spoke, "I'm sorry, it's just not. He lied to me, kept things from me, expected me to be fine with it, and then he came into my apartment saying that he knew me and i wasn't acting right, that is unforgivable," she looked sad, "i know it won't make anything better, and i don't know the situation, but i'm sorry," i smiled at her, "Elle, you're not the one i'm mad at. It's Tommy, he knows why,"I pulled her into a hug, "thank you all for seeing me off. Goodbye everyone, keep in touch,"~