This Song Is Called You.

31. The saddest birthday-death

[ Some of you are confused about what to feel towards Kim or Vegas... Well, this is normal, I am trying to show people that this isn't about being just evil or good ... Sometimes life is a bitch hahaha anyway, trigger warning : suicide mention.]

Porchay was immersed in his thoughts while swallowing his food, he preferred to ignore Tankhun's look filled with concern...Porsche kept pushing away Kinn's hand which disappeared under the table, and Top cleared his throat several times for Kinn to stop...

"Khun No!" cried Arm, coming back into the room, his hands filled with gifts... '' This the moment!''

" Alright ! Let's do it ! Happy Birthday Nong Porchay!" Tankhun happily exclaimed as he handed him a bag.

Oh...

Yes.

The young boy had forgotten his own birthday. Not like he cared anyway...He didn't want to have a birthday party, not now...Because it was painful to remember.

In the past, he had a thing with Macau about his birthday... and now he missed the presence of Macau more than ever, usually the latter always wanted to wish him first, sometimes even before Kimhan, just to annoy his cousin. They always fought like children until Porchay was tired of laughing.

Porsche got up proudly, he hid his little brother's eyes and Pol entered, carefully holding a huge blue cake.

Everyone started wishing him a happy birthday and sang ( out of tune to be honest..), Porchay gave them smiles, thanked everyone. Pretending to be happy and a good boy.

"I made it myself! I am sure that it will taste super good !" Porsche announced proudly as he lit the candles, and Porchay hugged his big brother, swallowing his sadness... He could make it one last time, right ?

He must have been a good actor, since no one noticed his distress, not even Top, who was trying to stop Tankhun from singing.
He missed Macau, he missed his life before... When he was in a relationship with... Kimhan. He was happy back then, even their cat had disappeared with Kim, the latter had kept him by his side.
Porchay was ashamed to confess it, but his heart was still yearning for Kim...Yes. Nong Chay was still deeply and madly in love with a man who hated him.

As everyone seemed happy, Porchay slipped quietly into a room, it was one of the smallest, and it had a piano, he sat down but didn't play, staring into space.

When Kim and Porchay visited Kinn and Porsche back when they were happy, it was always this room that the youngest preferred, thanks to the piano...And also a direct view of the city.

"What were you thinking, Macau..." Porchay whispered, getting up slowly, he opened the window and leaned in, sniffing the cool night air.

Macau had jumped out of his window, at first no one had wanted to tell Porchay, but Porchay had noticed the blood on the floor of the yellow Villa, so it wasn't hard to guess.

Porchay looked at the city lights, they were so colorful and yet so cold and distant...He felt like he had become useless, insignificant, a gaping hole of emptiness.

He stretched out his hand towards the moon.

It was his favorite star, his source of comfort, its brilliant pallor reminded him of Kim's skin, but also of the fact that the moon was so far from him...

Unconsciously, Porchay leaned a little closer as if he wanted to touch the moon. He nearly stumbled and backed away...Before realizing he hadn't even been scared...So Porchay leaned down again and looked down into space. He felt a slight coolness on his cheek, as if the wind wanted to push the young boy out of this window...As if a spirit touched his cheek...But Porchay smiled sadly, he looked down, without fear and whispered:

"Weren't you scared when you saw that ?"

Porchay was talking to his friend, as if he were there or maybe he was just talking to himself...So Porchay closed his eyes, and he opened the window completely. Letting the cold air invade the room, he was like out of his body, seeing himself already wandering in the big sky.

The door opened, and Porchay opened his eyes again, turning his head towards his obviously drunk older brother.

"My baby !" Porsche rushed towards Chay and the young man caught him, he hugged him, buried his head in his brother's shoulders. ''My Chay... We are getti..get...older now! Tell me..hicc...tell hia what do you want for your birthday...??"

"Hia. I'm not a baby anymore, I don't need you to protect me anymore you know... You can live your life, it's yours, it's your happiness now, stop resisting P' Kinn okay? You know as well as I do that he pretends to be hard on you...Go after him, this is what I want for my birthday ok ? Please be a couple again, be happy, hia."

Porsche chuckled like a brat, hugging his brother a little tighter and he straightened up and staggered out, his blurry vision failing to notice the tears on Porchay's face.

"Well....We sle-e-p...We sleep here tonight, ok? I'll bring you back tomorrow...Morning..." Porsche hiccupped and Porchay rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

"Hia..." Porchay called out, in a small voice. "I don't need you to drive me home tomorrow..I have to go somewhere.."

"Where ?" Porsche asked, obviously confusing Porchay and the wall. "Are you going very far?"

"I do not know yet..."

"You'll be back soon huh?"

"Umm..."

Porsche nodded with an innocent laugh and he shouted to his little brother words sounding like a " GOOD NIGHT! " before leaving Chay all alone again, in this small room, with the window very open...

Porchay smiled sadly, he lowered his head and said:

''Goodbye Hia, see you soon..Macau."

A gust of wind pushed Porchay again but this time the young man ignored it, he pushed the white curtain, and climbed on the edge of the window.

Porchay had been stupid, he had never had a chance in his life, poor, beaten, manipulated by everyone... Only Kim had offered him happiness and Porchay had been stupid enough to reject that... Now he had nothing left.

He closed his eyes, putting a hand on his knee, he didn't even have a scar, yet it was the last time Kim had touched him... When he had broken his bone, he had actually broken their bond. But all this was only because of Porchay, he was the only one responsible for it.

Tonight, Porchay finally understood Macau.

Porchay didn't look back, he hasn't noticed that his big brother had not completely closed the door. The young man cleared his head ignoring a familiar feeling deep in his chest and he frowned.

It was...