This Song Is Called You.

19. We are one

Porchay sighed, his big brother was gone, Nine was looking at him with concern and only Han, the kitten was having fun chasing flies... Porchay's brain was in fire, he didn't know what to do anymore.

Kimhan ended up arriving five minutes late and Chay ignored him.

"I am home." Kim said simply, with a slight nod of his head towards Nine, signifying at the bodyguard that he could leave.

Porchay shrugged, he felt guilty despite not leaving the apartment. Kimhan immediately guessed that something was wrong and he was not stupid: he had installed cameras in his driveway, he had seen Porsche arrive and was just waiting to know if Porchay was going to confess to him.
Chay was nervous, leaving the apartment was tricky, even if he loved his brother, it was like tearing his heart in two part... He was facing a dilemma, to choose his love or his family. It was always the same problem over the years, it made him sick, but the situation since Porchay had been sick had gotten worse.

Maybe if Chay managed to get some permission to go out, Porchay could appease Porsche and stop him from killing the Theerapanyakul, and that could only happen if they all had a good talk...

Kimhan was in his office, trying to memorize some new lyrics for a concert. He saw Porchay sneaking into the room, and Kim immediately gave him his full attention, waiting for the younger boy to speak.

"P'Kim..."

"Yeah?" Porchay pursed his lips in anxiety, he didn't know what to say... so he walked over, pushed Kim's chair back slightly and sat on Kim's lap.

"Porchay say what you want."

Chay sighed and he slid his head into Kim's shoulder.

"My brother came, here, while you were gone."

Kim nodded, slowly closing his eyes and opening them again, staring at his lover, looking serious. Chay frowned, Kimhan didn't look surprise : so he knew it and was waiting for Porchay ? Well...

"I know you're worried, but I'm alive..." Porchay put a delicate hand on Kim's chest, feeling the latter's heart beating faster. "I know I worried you and I blame myself, but I can get sick even within our house P'Kim, and you can die too. So this is stup..."

"You want to go out, right ? Do not lie." Kimhan's hoarse voice made Porchay sigh.

Of course Kim knew. He wasn't stupid. He always knew what Porchay wanted.

"I won't go out if you don't want to. Or if you consider us no more together afterwards...I refuse to break up with you. I've waited so long for you, I spend my whole life waiting for you and you reject me so easily it hurts, P'Kim. It's the truth, I know you're cold and distant, but with me you were always warm, gentle and kind, I want this P'Kim. But I'm also able to accept the cold and heartless P'Kim...Only because I love you. I won't lie to you, I love being with you but...he is my family too."

Kim sighed and buried his head against Porchay, he didn't know what to think or how to react to protect Porchay. Love could make people blind and stupid, even if you are the smartest person on earth.

"I am sorry." Kim whispered, and his breathing quickened because of his anxiety, "You don't know how much you mean to me and I know I never say it enough...but Chay you have to realize how much outside of music this world is cruel and cold. Many have tried to tear you away from me, when you are the only person on this earth who can prevent my person from sinking into madness. You say that I protect you but by being by my side, it's you, you are the one who protects the others... I will have killed everyone who dared to touch me before...You don't know how much.. Without you, I am nothing."

Porchay's heart broke despite Kimhan's beautiful words. He tilted his head slightly and touched Kim's cheek with tenderness, a sad smile.

"You know your words sounds very lonely P'Kim? You're not alone...You're not alone anymore, you have your brothers, P'Kinn and P'Tankhun...you have our friends and your fans...yet when you talk it always seems like without me you're so alone...but P'Kim even if I die tomorrow you're not alone and you never will be, I refuse that you end up alone... I would like you to find someone to love you, is something ever happen to me. ''

Kimhan shook his head, it was out of the question, Porchay was the love of his life, only him. However, Porchay frowned and he grabbed Kim's face in his slender hands, glaring at him,

"Of course, you can't cheat on me. Don't look anywhere else while I'm still here! But I would like our family to be a part of our life... P'Kim... I know it's dangerous. I know it well more than everyone, I almost died... Well twice now. But we have to be strong and we have to fight, otherwise it means we lost."

"It's not a video game." Kim replied rolling his eyes, "Chay if we die, we won't come back to the next game like nothing happened, we can't take a pen and write a different story the next chapter... It's an only and unique chance, and I don't want to sacrifice our life together for the mafia. What if I loose you ? I just found someone else to remplace you ? Don't make me laugh... You are the only one for me."

Kim planted a kiss on Porchay's forehead and Porchay blushed as he nervously played with the cord of his boyfriend's black sweater.

"I'll be very careful...but I'd like to go out without worrying about losing you. Please... If you love me, really love me, do not reject me when I'll be back."

Kim's face closed, it grew colder but Chay's sulky expression managed to make him give up and he kissed his sulky and stubborn boy before smiling against his lips,

"I'm willing to let you go on one condition."