Sunlight - Book 3

Attitude and Guilt

Once my family was out of my view I turned into the control room to try and find some information or suggestions on where to go next. I was alone now, with Jake, I had to fend for myself but the only problem I had was whether or not I was ready to face this like an adult. Never in my life have I had to make decisions on my own. I never had to worry about where I would sleep or whether or not something would try and harm me. Now that I had turned my back on my family the worry began.

I was bent over a set of drawers rummaging for any papers that could give me an idea or two as to what our next move would be. As I pulled out a small address book Jake groaned. I glanced up at him from over the book.

"Ahh Renesmee, back at the house things could've ended differently." I blinked and then looked back down at the book in my hands. I didn't want to hear this right now. "I mean your mom and dad didn't deserve what you said to them."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop talking Jacob."

I heard Jake click something before he turned to face me. "No Renesmee you will listen."

Snapping the book shut I rose to my feet. "No I will not. I turned my back on my family because they were trying to keep us apart. You of all people should be happy now that you got your soulmate at your side."

Jake ran his hand along the back of his neck. "It's not even like that Renesmee, it's so much more then what you are taking notice to. I want you to be happy and right now you are not happy you are miserable."

"I'm fine." I murmured, my eyes trained on the wooden floor of the cabin.

"You are lying Renesmee. You need your parents in your life because they are your life. I- I'm just me."

"Keep talking and I will throw myself overboard and swim the rest of the way to the shore." I growled.

Then Jake was kneeling before me. He took my face into his hands and forced me to look at him. "You need to stop with this obnoxious behavior. You are doing nothing but hurting yourself in the end."

"Get away from me."

"No Renesmee I am not going to let you push me away too, I'm all you have for now."

I took in a ragged breath and then slowly released it. He was right and there was no denying it. A tear slipped from my eye and soon others followed causing a steady stream down my face.

"You must think I'm a monster." I wiped away the tears that obstructed my vision.

Jacob pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. "No I just think you are a hormonal female." He chuckled. "You remind me so much of my sisters. During their time of the month they basically drove me and my dad out of the house."

I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly. "Thank you for not letting go." I sniffled.

"It's not that easy Ness. Not for me at least." He ran his thumb along my cheek bone tracing the path that the tears took. "I'm with you for life."

I felt my heart beat speed up as I listened to his words. How long could I go on pretending to be in love with him for his sake. In the future would he expect us to get married and have children? I closed my eyes against the thought. Nope. Not my life. I definitely couldn't have that I don't want to be a wife or a mother I just want to be me.

A beeping noise sounded and Jake released me before going back to the gauges and controls for the boat. We were coming into the harbor so he needed to steer through the water traffic.

Fifteen minutes we were docking in the harbor.

"So what is the plan Ness?" Jake asked as we got into one of my families cars in the parking garage.

I watched him put the key into the ignition and adjust the mirrors before he began backing out of the parking spot.

"The Grand Hyatt," I took a peek at the small address book again. "721 Pine Street."

I watched him enter it into the dashboard gps and then we were off.

"So have you thought about how long we are going to keep this up?" Jake asked as he made a right out of the parking garage and onto the street.

"Keep what up?" I glanced out the window at the buildings passing by.

"When are we going to go back home?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I haven't even thought on any of that." I admitted. My thoughts were focused on the worry of my future with Jake.

"Alright."

The remainder of the drive to the hotel was in silence. When we pulled up outside a valet took Jakes seat while another man -bellhop- grabbed our luggage and headed inside. I slipped Jake his ID and handed the woman mine. Her eyes widened slightly before she handed it back.

"Miss Cullen and friend, welcome." She smiled before she began rapidly typing away on her computer. "I have your pent house restocked and ready. If you need anything at all just ring the front desk." She handed over a few cars and thing dinged the bell to gain another bellhops attention.

As we followed the bellhop to the elevator I looked at Jacob who looked nervous or maybe just out of place.

"This is nice." He grinned as the elevator doors closed and it began rising.

I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic but I knew Jake wasn't into the classical music that played in the elevator. I gave a simple smile back before gazing through the clear windows of the elevator that gave view to every floor below us.

Then we finally stopped only the elevator doors didn't open. A beeping noise sounded and the bell hop slid a card through a card reader and it dinged before it began rising up two more floors.

"In order to get to your suit you need to swipe your card once you get to the top or it will not allow you to go any further." The bellhop explained.

Once the doors opened I followed him down a small hall that ended with one set of large doors. I waited for him to open the door with his master key card and then he entered inside behind him. He set our luggage down and I tipped him with one of the one hundred dollar bills I had stowed away in my purse and waited for him to leave.

Then I looked around the room. It was set up just like a home. It had a foyer with a place to take off our shoes, a full kitchen, a bedroom, a sitting room, a office and  an oversized bathroom and closet. There was even a balcony that overlooked the city and gave a beautiful view of the Space Needle.

"So, this is home for now." Jake said as he walked around and began peering into random things.

I watched him for a while before I grabbed my bag and went into the bedroom to begin putting my things away. Only when everything was stowed away did I realize there was only one bed. Jake and I would have to share a bed for an extended period of time.

What if he wanted to do things. Would I be able to let myself do those things or would I chicken out? My leg began jiggling as my mind began going crazy with the thought of me telling him I couldn't because I didn't love him like I should.

"Ness?" Jake said as he came into the bedroom.

I didn't notice it until he placed his hand on my shoulder but I was shaking. His grip tightened a little bit and I knocked his hand away before jumping to my feet and putting some distance between us.

"Just stay right there." I said as I pressed my back tightly to the wall.

Jake held out his hand towards me and took a step.

"I said DONT MOVE!" I screamed.

Keeping my eyes on him I inched against the wall towards the door to the bathroom. Once I was inside I closed the door and locked it.

Sitting on the floor I put my head between my knees and began rocking back and forth. What was I thinking I couldn't love someone let alone pretend to. The only people I knew how to love were my parents but that was so different.

I found myself wanting my parents to hold me more then anything but I knew I couldn't go back. If I went back they would deem themselves right in the situation of me being a child and I'd never get another chance to prove them wrong. I could do this. I had to do this.