The Awakening Storm

03 | retaliation

**TW: MENTION OF SELF-HARM AT END OF CHAPTER**

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5/31

L E A F

It was three days since the gathering, and since then everything was tiring. For me, at least. I wasn't sure if I was the only one, but I was constantly tired.

Tired of practicing, tried of patrolling, tired of being alone, tired of waking up doing the same thing over and over again. Tired of trying to bond with Silentpaw.

I stared at the crow I had taken bite of. My appetite was long gone and I had nothing to do at the moment. Dawnsky was out in a patrol and told me we'd go on a patrol later on.

The camp was mostly empty except with Stoneheart near the stone ledge, wrestling with his kits. He looked happy as he "struggled" to bat Splashkit and Driftkit off. I turned my head away from the scene and focused back on my prey.

I'm so tired, I thought. I just wish these nightmares would stop. Why won't they stop? Why? I never asked for this.

My heart twisted painfully. Why can't I be happy like them? I thought of Stoneheart and Leapflight, and their kits. They all looked so elated that it brought memories of when Silentpaw and I were still in the nursery. When Willownose was there and Mouseclaw was happy. I wanted that back—the cheerful family we were.

My shoulders sunk. Why did you have to go, Willownose? I mentally wailed. Why did StarClan take you from me? Ever since you died, everything got worse and worse. Silentpaw distanced herself, Mouseclaw misses you so much I don't know how he fakes being happy, and me—I won't stop getting nightmares.

The nightmares come and go, leaving me a crying mess. I would wake up, panting from the dreams that torment me. Some days I was lucky and didn't get any. Other days, I was not. What's worse that my panic attacks hadn't gotten any better. I nearly collapsed during a hunting session with Dawnsky because when I killed my prey, my mind instantly flashed to Willownose's death. But instead of her laying in front of me, I was on top of her. My claws were pinned on her neck, and blood was drawled from her neck.

I killed her. Or that's what the voice inside my head has been telling me. And I was inclined to believe it. With no one else to confine in, I fell into a deeper hole and honestly, I blamed myself of it.

It was frustrating. I couldn't do simple tasks without being triggered and it made me feel weak. It made me feel incompetent because right now, SkyClan didn't need weak warriors that collapses from past conflicts and became useless.

Swallowing tightly, I pushed the crow away. I had lost my appetite. Sighing, I picked the crow up and found a place to bury it. Once I was done, I decided to bring some prey to the elders. It was nearly sun-high so the elders would be hungry, and I didn't have anything else to do. Leaning forward, I snatched up two sparrows and a blackbird, and made my to the elders den. I poked my head in and saw Foxwhisker curled into a ball while Flowerheart and Flakenose quietly talked. As I stepped in, Flowerheart let out a rattling cough that shook her body. I dropped the prey I was holding.

"Are you okay?" I questioned, looking concerned.

"Yes I'm fine—" Flowerheart cut off as she let out a painful cough. She inhaled sharply and groaned as she exhaled. Flakenose touched her shoulder comfortingly.

"Some tansy will do," the gray and white she-cat mewed sympathetically. Flowerheart wheezed and slapped Flakenose's tail away.

"You and I both know tansy isn't gonna keep me alive. I'm getting old—too old in fact. Perhaps my time is nearing," Flowerheart hissed fiercely. I stared at the old she-cat in alarm. Flakenose shook her head sadly and pressed herself against the old she-cat's flank. Flowerheart grunted and curled into a ball.