For the Love of Jack

Mamma's Home

"May I come in?"

My gut told me to say no, in fact I even heard Dean in my head screaming "hell no." What could she possibly have to talk about that isn't three years late. Unfortunately, I am not as brazen as Dean and weak in comparison when it comes to confrontation. Deep down I knew there were many unanswered questions that were beginning to surface again. I swallowed dryly already regretting my decision. "I suppose that is fine." She smiled at me and then it felt like a rush of wind ran past my face as she stepped inside. She felt too comfortable here, as if nothing ever broke between us.

She escorts herself into the living room and I follow shyly behind. It doesn't take long for her to notice there have been some slight interior changes since she last lived here. The old worn couch that had survived our college years was now replaced with the brown leather one Dean brought from his place. Jack's toys were scattered around the floor and I made a note to clean them up later. Hannah made her way over to the mantel when she noticed something significant. The framed picture of Dean's mom and baby Sam sat on top. Next to it was a picture we had all taken at Christmas. I smiled fondly at the memory then remembered Hannah was still here. "Who's..." she started but stopped and looked over my shoulder. Dean had awoken, probably due to her excessive knocking. He still had sleep in his eyes and flannel pajamas and my St. Patrick's day t-shirt on. "Hey, Cas, what's going on?" This was a nightmare. I think Dean could sense how uncomfortable I was so he moved to place his hand soothingly on my back. "Dean, this is Hannah. Jack's mother." 

"Oh." Was all Dean had to say to understand the severity of the situation. Hannah finally spoke up after a beat of silence. "I am sorry to come unannounced. This is important." Her smiling demeanor vanished and was replaced with a serious one. I looked to Dean for reassurance and he stiffly nodded. 

"If you think you can, I think you should hear what she has to say. I can stay if you like, or leave. It's up to you." 

"I think...I will be fine. Just," I moved closer to him, "Stay close." He agreed and went into the kitchen most likely putting on a pot of coffee. I moved to where Hannah was now sitting and started. "What is so important that you had to come back?" It came out incredibly rude but I feel my emotions were justified. A tear escaped her eye. 

"There's no easy way to say this, so here I go," she said. "I have stage four breast cancer. My doctor said I have about eight months." In that moment I felt my heart drop and so did my mouth. I could not have imagined that is what she came to tell me. It started to make sense; her hair looked thinner and the joyful glow that once surrounded her was faded and grim. "Oh my...Hannah I'm-" She cut me off. "Please, I don't need your pity, Castiel. I have already done wrong by you and I just came to let you know. And make amends. If you'd accept them?" How could I possibly not? That would make me heartless. Regardless of our past, Hannah was dying. I am choosing not to feel sadness or anger, she has obviously moved on and so have I. I am choosing to be the mature adult that I am, for I know it will make her next and final steps easier. 

"Hannah, I am sorry. It looks like you have began to make peace. If there's anything I could offer you please let me know." I was earnest, or at least I tried to be. "Actually, if it is okay with you, I'd like to see Jack once more."

I had a feeling she'd ask. I just did not know what the best response would be. "I'm not sure. He doesn't know of you really at all. I don't know if we should confuse him." 

"Please, Castiel. I won't tell him who I am, just a friend of yours. It doesn't have to be a whole day, just a nice breakfast with all of us and some play time after."

I sighed nervously and wiped my face with my hands. She continued, "You know more than anyone how unwilling I was to accept motherhood. If I just say goodbye to him, I promise I will be content. I made a mistake leaving so abruptly years ago. Give me the chance to fix my error." 

"Okay. One breakfast and some time to play with him. Then I think you will have to leave." I said this with my bravest face possible. Hannah beamed gratefully. "Thank you" she said as another tear fell from her eye.

Dean had taken the time alone to start breakfast, cooking a plate of bacon (his favorite) and pancakes for everyone. I offered Hannah orange juice and went to retrieve Jack from bed. He was notably confused for waking up before usual but he behaved well mannered for the most part. I sat him in his highchair with a plate of food and he paid little attention to Hannah who sat next to him. On the other hand, Hannah could not stop staring at Jack with awe. Seeing them together I noticed how they shared little physical resemblance. Dean and I sat and ate our food in silence; we were both uncomfortable about the situation. I felt there was something I need to say to break the ice.

"You two were not formally introduced but this is my boyfriend, Dean." Dean looked flattered and surprised at the introduction. "Well, I am sure you know me but it is nice to meet you, Dean." Hannah smiled small at him and continued looking at Jack. My important question could not be held in for much longer. "I see you've gotten engaged." That broke the ice. "Um, married actually. It was really a spur of the moment thing since I got my diagnosis. He's a nice man and we are well." Oh, I understood. The lingering bitterness left my mind and I finally smiled at her. My pity for her arose again and I could not keep it down. "How long have you two been together?" Hannah asked. "Well, officially since October. I just moved in this month" answered Dean and he reached to hold my hand in his. 

We smiled at each other and the rest of breakfast was spent in silence. After, I cleaned the dishes and Dean took Jack into the living room with Hannah. They got settled and Dean came back to the kitchen with me. We sat anxiously unsure of what was really going on in the other room. I couldn't take it much longer so I started to eavesdrop and stood in the archway into the living room. I saw how tentatively Jack played with Hannah. He wasn't great with strangers, especially adults. Hannah was careful with him, still, and talked very sweetly. She did have a heart for Jack, even if she denied herself from it.

Dean came behind me from out of nowhere and pulled me back to the kitchen. "I know you're worried but they're okay. It's not like she's going to kidnap him. and if she tries anything, I'm pretty defensive of my kin." I knew he was kind of joking because of his humorous smirk. Even still, I smiled big at him and kissed him lovingly. "Dean Winchester, than man who's loyal, even to a fault." We sat and waited for Jack and Hannah to finish their play time.

An hour passes and Jack came running into the kitchen with a drawing. "Pappa, look what I draw! Family!" Jack handed over his drawing to Dean who showed it to me. It was Jack, Dean, and I outside of a house and a shape I could only identify as Miracle playing outside. I tear fell from my eye, I guess the overwhelming emotions have to released somehow. "It's wonderful, Jack" I said and pulled him onto my lap as our family looked at his drawing. Hannah came into the kitchen. "I just told him to draw what makes him happy" she smiled. A long beat passed when she talked next. "I should get going. I was nice to meet you, Jack."

"You too!" He said cheerfully. "I'll walk you out" I offered and we went to the front door. 

"Castiel, I need to formally apologize. I walked out on both you and Jack, and that was wrong of me." I opened the door and we both went out into the cold. "I forgive you, Hannah. You left but blessed me with the best gift, my son." We smiled and I gave her one last hug. Even though I'll never forget the impact you leaving us had, I can forgive you."

"Thank you for everything" she said and turned to leave. I watched her get into her car and drive off. I stood there for a moment and allowed myself to process when I felt a tug on my leg. I turned to see Jack and Dean there welcoming me in a hug. I felt content with my family there and overjoyed that the past chapter of my life was now closed. I have time to focus on my closest loved ones and I couldn't be more grateful.