It's hard to answer the question," what's wrong?" When nothing's right.
My favorite quote right now is from my queen, Lana. "I'm still not over my sad past and I don't think I'll ever be." She understands me. Her music is everything to me. I've learned that the best music, comes from the people who've felt the most pain.
Memories. My weakness. I don't like them because the tears come easily and, I break my promise to myself everyday. It's a constant battle I go through. A war between remembering, and forgetting.
At night I go outside and watch the night sky. It's beautiful. My mom always told me that the brightest star out there is my dad watching over me. Shinning brighter than any star above us. My guardian angel.
No one knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I've cried in my room when nobody was watching. Nobody knows how many times I lost hope mentally and physically, how many times I've been let down. Nobody knows how many times I've felt like I'm about to snap, but just don't for the sake of people. Nobody knows the thoughts that run through my head at 2am, or how horrible they truly are. Nobody knows how many times I've given up on myself but still continued like nothing ever happened. Nobody.
That's where I write my best chapters. Outside, looking at the night sky above me. Watching the stars. Listening to the helicopters as they fly above me. Listening to the sound of traffic. The screeching of tires. Using the lights from next door to illuminate my drawing pad and blank paper. Illustrating a picture to fit with my mood. Soaking in the beauty of the night sky.
Remembering the memories I've made over the course of 13 years. Happy and sad. Clearing my mind as I watch my dog sit happily on my lap. Listening the chirping of crickets. In my happy place.
