Past In The Present • Stucky

VI

TW: Alcohol and drug abuse, harmful thoughts

     Steve sat there drinking more of the alcohol. Bucky's screams still fresh in his mind. The memory replaying in his head. If he had just tried a little harder; Bucky would most likely be alive still. He drank again. Tears slipped out of his eyes. He brought the bottle back up to his lips. It was empty.

   "God damn it!" He screamed standing up. He threw the thirteenth bottle at the wall as hard as he could. It shattered. The shards fell everywhere. He sat back down; slamming his fist into the table. He grabbed another bottle and ripped the cap off. He threw the cap behind him and drank. Bucky's screams exploded in his ears. He cried harder. Why? Why did he take him on the mission? Why did he have to risk everything for him? Why couldn't Bucky think about himself for one fucking second? Look where that got him. Dead.

   He cranked the radio up louder. "All citizens are to stay indoors." The message had been on replay for the past hour.

    Footsteps were coming from behind him. He turned around. Peggy stared down at him. He turned back around and wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve.

"Dr. Erskine said that this serum wouldn't just affect my muscles,  it would also affect my cells." Steve paused for a moment not wanting his voice to crack. "It would create a protective system of regeneration and healing which means I can't get drunk. Did you know?" He stated, taking another long sip of the beer. Peggy sighed.

   "Your metabolism burns four times faster then the average person," Peggy grabbed a overturned stool and brought it over to the other side of the table, "he thought it could be one of the side effects." Steve stared silently down at the table. Tears threatening to fall.

   "It wasn't your fault." Peggy said softly.

   "You read the report?" Steve questioned her.

   "Yes."

    "Then you know that's not true." He said sniffling.

   "You did everything you could-" Steve cut her off.

    "I got in over my head. Bucky waded in and pulled me out, just like he always did. And the one time he needed me to return the favor, I couldn't." Steve said choking on the last words.

    "I doubt its that simple."

    "All I had to do was hold him," he sucked in a deep breath, "I'm not going to stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured." Steve said drinking again. His fist tightened.

    "You won't be alone." Peggy said resting her hand on Steve's. Steve looked up at her. A smile drawn on her face. Did she think it was good Bucky was dead? Did she like that he wasn't here? Anger boiled in him. He only smiled back.

—

   Steve bolted upright. Sweat covered him. He swiveled over to his left and grabbed his pills. The orange container glowed in the moonlight. He twisted the cap off of the container. He shook the container causing a few to fall.  He slipped them into his mouth. The bottle tapped lightly as he placed it back on his nightstand. He placed his hand over the silver dog tags hanging from his neck. The cool metal meeting his warm skin. He lifted the dog tags up so he could read the familiar name: James Buchanan Barnes.

—
"Steve!" Bucky yelled skipping over to the blonde. Steve could tell he was in an extremely good mood.

    "Look at what I've got!" He exclaimed jumping up and down. Steve glanced at what he was holding in his hand. Two polished silver dog tags dangled out of his hand.