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chapter 10

Meredith

the day is starting to end and the kids are starting to get really hyper which then leads to them getting really tired before they go to bed.

I'm the kitchen when I go into the living to see Derek with a Barbie doll in his hand with Ellis next to him with a Barbie in her hand as they played.

"How many Barbies have you played with in the past?" I ask.

"a few with Amelia when she was little but once she started going to daycare I didn't need to anymore. but I never would have pictured me playing dolls with my daughter," he sighs.

"why not? I thought you wanted so many kids," I say as I sit next to him on the couch.

"I did, therefore I thought I was going to have four girls and I wouldn't need to play dolls with them," he says.

"Zola doesn't do dolls, ever since she learned what math was she's been more interested in that instead of toys, every week I have to print out new worksheets for her, coloring pages for Bailey and Ellis, Math problems for Zola," I say.

"I've always wondered what kind of family she came from, Zola's always been... unique in a way," he says.

"she has, and she always will be. it kind of scares me on what she's going to do in the world," I say.

"Zola would never do bad in the world, she's Harvard worthy," he smiles.

"yes, yes she is, she could get into any school, we wouldn't even have to pay for it, she would get scholarship," I say.

"Her brains save us money, nice," he chuckles.

"I wonder where she gets it from. I mean, I would say us but biologically she didn't get it from us, she can become smart from growing up around surgeons but with as smart as she is that had to be genetic, it's not something you learn, you're just born with it, sometimes it shows up later and sometimes early on," I say.

"Did you ever look into her biological family? did she ever ask about where she came from?" he asks.

"No, she's never brought it up. I always thought she was going to and she might now that she's getting older. but I kind of don't want her to," I say fiddling with my hands.

"and why's that?" he asks looking down at my hands then back at my face.

"what if she meets them and doesn't want me to be her mother anymore? what if she choses them over me?" I ask with tears in my eyes.

"Meredith... she's not going to chose her biological family over her real family. Zola knows who her real mother is and it's you. her parents didn't want her, she has no reason to want them in her life instead of you," he says.

"you don't know that?" I say feeling a tear fall down my cheek.

"Meredith, Zola would never do that. she has a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, two aunts, what more could she ask for?" he says.

"a family who is actually related to her?"

"Meredith, stop it! Zola's not that kind of person, you know this," he groans.

"But doesn't that happen sometimes. they want a life with both? I don't want her calling another woman mom, or whatever, I don't know. I don't want her to have two families. I want her to have only one, and that us, not whoever those other people are!" I say as I wipe my tears.

"that's not going to happen, we don't even know where her parents are, or if they're even still alive, they were much older then we were when we adopted her," he says.

"that's not going to happen, she would never do that. don't even think like that," he says.

"but what if-"

"No! Zola wouldn't, you know this, don't even think like that. we're done with this conversation," he says about to stand up.

"No, Derek, please stay. I'm done talking about Zola leaving, you're right. I don't know why I was thinking about that anyways. but it's just something I think about sometimes, sorry for bringing it up," I say.

"it's fine. I get it, it's a thought a lot of parents with adopted kids have," he says sitting back down.

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