before i could even remember

II

"I really thought that something was going to change in high school, you know?" Taehyung pouts his lips.

He and Jimin are lying on the grass in the backyard of Taehyung's house. It's the first day of their first high school summer break and the weather is way too hot to be outside but Yoongi hyung is going to come home any minute now and they don't feel like listening to his complaining. Plus, in the shadow it's not that bad, they have lots of fresh water and somehow Taehyung's feet stay freezing cold as usual, which provides a nice cool down for him and Jimin's calves.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought we'll find friends." he says quietly and Jimin moves to squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry everyone thinks you're weird because of me."

"They don't think that, Tae. And even if so, I don't mind. I don't need anyone other than you."

The worst is that Taehyung knows Jimin is being honest.

"At least all the bullies went somewhere else." Jimin adds and Taehyung winces.

Not only because of him his favourite person in the whole world didn't have the group of friends he deserves, but was also actively bullied on a regular basis. And he knows Jimin didn't say that to make him feel guilty but he still does. Because he's aware that if Jimin was not friends with him, his life would be so much easier.

"Except Jungwoo."

"But that was a one time thing." Jimin points out. "He stopped after that and he didn't even get physical. I think he's finally grown up."

Taehyung hums. True. One of the second grade students who used to also go to the same middle school as them, recognized Taehyung when he was going to the gym for his P.E lesson and it immediately clicked in his head how people used to call him. Freak, weirdo, alien. Faggot. There were always more but Taehyung really doesn't want to go there.

They stay outside for hours and when evening comes, the glass terrace door slides open and they can hear increasing noise of a couple of voices and laughter. They look in the direction of the house and the group of seniors keep pouring out of the house, some of the guys already starting the grill. Between their legs Yeontan sprints to them and immediately attacks their faces with enthusiastic licks.

"I hate Yoongi, I swear." Taehyung groans and closes his eyes. "My parents should ban any gatherings with more than two guests in this house."

"Two? Why two? We don't need..." Jimin stops when he realises. "I see. You're leaving open window so we can hang out together with hyungs, smart, smart."

"That's not... Nevermind."

They both know that's the reason. They don't continue because they suddenly hear a very loud, very pitchy giggle.

"Oppa! Come here!"

Both of them immediately turn on their bellies to watch the scene in front of them, Yeontan joining them, lying between them in the same position. At first no one reacts, guys drinking beer and waiting for the coal to warm up.

"Jeonggukie oppaaaa!"

Taehyung's stomach drops a bit but he keeps his eyes steady.

"Guk, your girlfriend is calling you." one of the guys laughs and hits Jeongguk hyung's back hard.

Okay, those are just jokes. It's fine.

"Yes, Yourin?"

When hyung actually moves from the grill to the table where all the girls sit and wraps his arm around a small brunette's shoulders, Taehyung's heart stops for a second. He lies down back on his back and quickly blinks his eyes. He can sense Jimin shimming closer to him, Yeontan whining quietly, confused with the sudden change of atmosphere.

"Tae..."

"Please, don't talk."

His friend doesn't say anything more, only provides quiet comfort by touching their arms together. They lie down like this a bit for some time, Taehyung desperately trying to tune out the sounds around him with Yeontan on his chest and Jimin glancing at him from time to time from above his phone, concerned and aching for his best friend. They would go from there right away, actually there's nothing else Taehyung wishes more right now, but that would mean passing by them and with all these stubborn tears in his eyes, there's no way he's going to do it.

"Kids!" Yoongi hyung calls and Taehyung curses under his breath. "Come eat, Guk found some new vege shit for you and it's already done."

"Jiminie..." Taehyung whispers and looks at him pleadingly.

"I got you, Tae."

And immediately Jimin gets up and goes there, keeping small talk to a minimum, so he can come back to his hurting friend as soon as possible. Taehyung can hear his voice, how easily he blends in and talks with anyone who starts a conversation with him, everyone liking him from the spot. And Taehyung knows how wrong it is to feel this way but it doesn't hurt any less. He's never been able to talk with Yoongi hyung's friends, with them basically ignoring him since day one.

So he closes his eyes and lets the tears finally flow.

"Taetae!" Oh god, please, no. Not now. Please, go away. "Come here for a second."

He only waves his hand in a sign of being too lazy to move. Yeontan barks as if in agreement. He hopes it goes through.

Well, it seems like it does but it doesn't get any better because he can hear footsteps coming closer and closer and he's sure it's not Jimin because his voice still comes from the same distance. He's about to freak out when his friend, the real gift from angels, calls out, slight panic distinguishable in his voice.

"Jeonggukie hyung!" the steps stop. Taehyung holds his breath, practically hearing the cogs turning fast in Jimin's head. "Could you help us with veggies? Everything falls apart when we try to grab them." he laughs nervously.

Lame, so lame Park Jimin, but it works and Jeongguk goes over to them, more tears flowing from Taehyung's eyes from relief, Yeontan immediately trying to lick them away.

When Jimin joins him a few minutes later with two full plates and something thrown over his forearm, Taehyung isn't in a better state. He knows it's stupid but he can't help it. He's always cried easily, his mom always says that he feels too much, too strong, no matter what emotion is involved and his body simply cannot contain it.

"Oh, Taehyungie..." Jimin quickly sets plates on the ground and wraps his arms around Taehyung. "Please, don't cry."

"I'll stop. Soon. I promise." he whispers in a choked voice, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. "What did you bring?"

"Um, Jeo... hyungs bought us some vege sausages and bacon and like three kinds of burgers, I took only one of each so we can share because there was so much." he giggles and starts stroking Taehyung's hair, the thing on his forearm sliding down to the blanket.

Taehyung looks to the side and sees his favourite socks, each intentionally different, one with Salvador Dali's face and another with some iconic items from his artworks. Jimin tangles their legs, touching his warm feet with Taehyung's cold ones.

"Hyung wanted to bring them here but I called him over. I didn't know you've been crying but I guessed you didn't want to see him." he whispers and that actually makes Taehyung sob out loud.

He quickly presses hand to his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut. He can only hope the laughter at the table drowned out the embarrassing sound.

They stay like this, tangled in an embrace, with Jimin stroking Taehyung's hair soothingly and Yeontan wiggling nervously in reaction to his owner's distress, for a couple minutes until Yoongi hyung yells at them to eat before food gets cold. They sit up and Taehyung stays with his back facing the house. Before he starts eating, first he puts on the socks and he's not sure if the care makes him feel better or worse. Actually he is. It makes everything worse. So much worse.

Taehyung dares to look at the group only when he's almost finished with his food. They are all laughing and talking loudly, someone started playing music some time ago so a few people are currently dancing, already slightly tipsy. He avoids looking at one couple but he flinches, when he meets his brother's inquiring gaze. He quickly turns around again, hoping his brother can't see his puffy face and sad eyes from the distance.