ELLIPSISM, aemond targaryen

[030] the dead mourning the living

THE COLD WIND had seemingly haunted Aemma for as long as she could remember. Most people referred to it as a brief weather-based phenomenon. Some have talked about it as something that is created in our mind that forces the whole body to feel the same coldness. However, if it were true, it should disappear as soon as the sun peeks through the clouds and our mood changes.

So why did Aemma remember nothing but the coldness?

The cold was always there. It was difficult to get rid of it as she herself did not even understand where it was. Sometimes it touched her mind, made her think about things more painful than stabbing a knife in the heart and helped her eyes release the tears she was so stubbornly hiding.

Sometimes Aemma felt that the coldness she felt was a separate entity, hiding under her bed or in the closet when she was little. That it follows her every step and sometimes she can actually feel a cold hand touching her skin, cold fingers running along her shoulder and sending chills all over her body.

She wanted to scream for help or run away, but she couldn't do anything but stand and let the cold completely engulf her body and mind. And as soon as she managed to fight against it, she found that she had no choice. Because no matter how hard she tried to shake the hand off her shoulder or run away from the mysterious entity, she couldn't.

You cannot run away from something that is a part of you.

And so she just had to learn to live with it. Walking hand in hand through life and simply hoping that they will somehow make it. That its presence will not hold her back.

There were few moments when Aemma was happy. Despite the fact that she liked to believe that she was happy, she was not. And no jewels, no cakes, and no trips with Meraxes could change that, because as soon as Aemma was alone, the cold seemed to come over her again.

However, there were people who could make her happy. Even after years, Jace and Luke did not forget the things that their sister liked, and their efforts to cheer her up doubled after they noticed her sadness. Helaena had the talent to disgust some people, but at the same time, her smile and thoughts were enough for Aemma to make her life seem a little easier. Joffrey always came to Aemma with flowers or drawings when she was having a bad day and Daemon became her confidant after marrying Rhaenyra to whom Aemma told almost everything.

And despite all the laughter and joy of the day, when Aemma went to bed that evening, turning to face the window from which she looked at the stars in the night sky, she wondered if Harwin and Laenor were among them . . .

And then again she felt that her eyes were stinging and her tears were blurring the image of the sky, the stars suddenly did not look like small dots but like silver lines stretching towards each other, as if they wanted to grab hold of each other's hand.

And despite the fact that she swallowed the lump in her throat and turned her head to the pillow so that the tears would fall and disappear into it instead of remaining on her face it seemed to her that the moment she gave in to the sadness she felt all the time would not end until Aemma accepted what she felt.

But Aemma didn't have time to think about what she felt. It was unimportant in her eyes. Debilitating. Pathetic. Useless. Sadness does not help people get anywhere, it throws them to the ground and causes pain that does not allow them to stand up.

But Aemma Velaryon always stands up.

T

he cold she felt now was connected to what she felt, but at the same time, Aemma felt that it was also a natural reaction of her body to the environment. She walked along the beach, her steps slow to match Rhaenys's pace, her arms crossed over her chest to pull the cloak she was wearing tighter and prevent the cold from seeping into her bones.