ELLIPSISM, aemond targaryen

[046] the enemy was always beside you

THE FIRST KISS that Aemma Velaryon received was when she was about 12 years old. There were no passionate kisses, no romantic atmosphere, no soul-searing desire. It was a completely simple innocent kiss, a fleeting touch of lips after which she almost immediately pulled away from that person  gave them a slightly shy smile which she also received back. They never talked about it again and never did it again.

Her second kissing experience seemed a lot different in some strange way at first, but she never got the chance to figure it out because after things ended between her and the person, she forbade herself to think about it. In a way, she thought at the time that kisses were nothing special and were just that: a brief touch of two lips where you felt absolutely nothing.

Her third kiss convinced her otherwise. It was only then that Aemma discovered that kisses can be different, that there are more ways to kiss someone and more emotions behind the action. That it can make her want more, that it can raise her heart rate and make thoughts and possibilities fly through her mind. It was only then that Aemma finally felt loved, she felt safe and until now she believed that there was no better kiss.

Aemond predictably proved her wrong as always.

Aemma didn't know why she actually kissed him. Maybe she had several options, but she didn't know which one was right. A part of her blamed the alcohol she drank,  as, after analyzing all her ideas on the way back to the Red Keep, she assumed that if someone suggested that she should conquer Dorne, she would probably think it's a good idea. Everything seemed like a good idea even though kissing Aemond was certainly not a good idea.

Maybe she was desperate. Lonely. She was nervous and scared because of what happened that night and the discovery of a part of her that she didn't even know existed. It seemed to her that the whole world was against her and no one understood her, no one listened to her. And Aemond proved to be the only one at that moment, understanding her, listening to her, and she felt safe with him.

And the last possibility, the one she liked the least, the one she resolutely denied and refused to admit it existed, was also the most likely: Aemma wanted Aemond more than she wanted anything else in her life and knowing he was willing to kill someone if she wanted to was enough for her to push all self control aside and kiss him. Simply because she wanted to do it.

All her knowledge and experience with kisses vanished from her mind. It was like reliving the very first kiss of her life, not knowing what to do and how to do it, feeling only insecurity and thinking only of how wrong it was to do this. She simply raised her chin and briefly pressed her lips against his before quickly pulling away, looking at him uncertainly and studying his reaction in an attempt to decipher his thoughts.

But Aemond just stood there like a statue, frozen from the moment he saw Aemma's face approach his. And when she pulled away from him he seemed to be as surprised as Aemma, looking almost scared as he stared at her, his regular inhalations and exhalations deeper than usual, as if trying to calm down or perhaps control himself. As if he was fighting with himself.

At that moment Aemma realized how stupid was what she had done, sure, but there was no reason for him to make it harder for her by just staring at her and saying nothing. She was about to make some stupid excuse or an embarrassing joke that would make them laugh and agree to never talk about it again, but then she realized his face was getting closer to hers and she was once again speechless.

He didn't kiss her right away. He moved close enough to her to do so, but instead lowered his head until their foreheads gently touched. She felt his breath on her face, felt that his nose touched hers slightly and brushed against her cheek. It was as if he wanted to touch her and didn't want to at the same time. It was like walking towards a cliff and deciding if you actually want to jump. But Aemma knew that the closer a person was, the more certain it was that he would eventually fall, because even if he didn't decide to do so the wind would take him down anyway.