Tales From Heller

Unto The Pure All Things Are Pure

1. First, computer fonts. Times New Roman or Helvetica are preferred. Documents should always be double-spaced, especially professional and academic documents.

"John, what font is this? It looks a bit, uh, squiggly."

"This is Comic Sans, Frank. I heard somewhere that curved lines made writing sound friendlier."

Frank groaned, switched to John's part of the slide deck, pressed Ctrl+A, and immediately changed the font.

"What did you do that for? I thought it looked nice."

"We're in a professional setting, John."

"What's unprofessional about Comic Sans?"

"Comic is in the name, for one, and I'll leave it at that.

8. Footwear, especially at school, should be chosen based on comfort and convenience, not appearance. However, this is a topic where people often have their own preferences, but remember to conform to the aforementioned rule of being relatively conservative and nice. There is nothing wrong with sneakers, but slippers imply you were too lazy to change into actual shoes.

"Bold choice to wear slippers today, Regina, when we're going out in the dirt to collect earthworms. And it was sprinkling earlier, too. Have fun!" Frank airily said to Regina while they were both waiting outside Ms. Stevens's office. Regina had made a crack earlier about his polo shirt, and he was out for revenge.

"You're kidding me. The one day I woke up late and had to rush, we're out digging up worms."

"You know what they say, Regina: early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Women, too, I'm told."

"When do you wake up anyway, Frank? You're always here before me."

"Ooh, early bedtimes: that's another one I should remember."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Enjoy the weather—maybe you'll even do a bit of singing in the rain."

"You too?"

16. Nutrition is a topic which most teenagers desperately avoid; after all, in the era of Starbucks, Tpumps, and McDonald's, how can one maintain a healthy diet? First, avoid sweetened drinks, with the possible exception of fruit juice, and even then do not drink them in excess; if you are going to have sugary drinks, you may as well ingest a healthy amount of vitamins as well. Eat whole fruit such as apples and bananas instead of their processed forms; this ensures you consume a satisfactory amount of fiber, and whole fruits have more nutrients than processed fruits anyway. Bubble tea is the scourge of the civilized world, and should be avoided at all costs. If it is unsweetened, then it may be considered as a wonderful way to enjoy tea on hot days. Refrain from consuming Frappuccinos and similar beverages, and avoid fast food unless desperate for sustenance.

Despite its many benefits toward getting to classes on time and shaving precious minutes off his morning commute, a fast walking pace was a double-edged sword, as Frank discovered when rounding a corner, he bumped into Juliet, who was carrying a cup of boba and dropped it in the collision. Before Frank could even register the small arc of white it left on his shirt, he was bending down to pick up the thankfully sealed cup, once again bumping his head into Juliet's, who was doing the same thing.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! For the spill, and bumping into you just now. Hey, have you ever seen Legally Blonde?" Juliet asked, seemingly all in one breath.

"I have, and dare I ask why?"

"So you remember that one scene where Elle was doing the bend and snap?"