Tales From Heller

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

CW: Sexual harassment

When Ted had left Heller, he rapidly discovered that money was something needed for most people to survive—he still had his parent's house and their generosity (their dismay at him leaving high school early was countered by their realization that in a way he had graduated early, which deserved its own praise), but most of all, he had his ego to feed. He wasn't going to say he graduated high school and then did nothing with his life, so he did what every enterprising person ought to do and got a job at a boba shop, the symbolic resonance very apparent to him. The owner, Mr. Zhu, had insisted on managing everything himself for many years, and begrudgingly accepted Ted's offer to do anything and everything as long as it put food on the table. In just a few short months, Ted was promoted to general manager of Novel-Tea, and every day he'd come in bright and early to start preparing ingredients, and wouldn't leave until they closed at 8. Twelve hour shifts, every day, didn't leave room for much leisure—but it brought Ted money and Mr. Zhu's respect, and Ted became Mr. Zhu's second-in-command, managing people double his age.

And so Ted kept working through the summer, serving all his customers boba with a bartender's flair, doubling Mr. Zhu's business through his willingness to source higher-quality ingredients and experiment with gourmet drinks. Mr. Zhu had laughed at him, saying that nobody would buy a $7 cup of boba even if it were served with a smile and tailored to the guest—Ted didn't like the term "customer"—but Ted told him to have faith, the guests would pay, and indeed the guests paid, and Ted found himself with even more tips. This equilibrium was not disrupted when on one of Ted's lunch breaks, he found himself stumbling into Frank, who told him this wild story about him being president and Heller bending itself backward to support the weight of his ego—Ted did not care what it was Frank said, as long as it did not concern him.

The sudden drop in afterschool guests at the beginning of the school year did not go unnoticed by Ted and Mr. Zhu; Mr. Zhu was resigned, saying that it was inevitable the tide would turn, but Ted knew better: Frank's prophecy had come true, and if that were the case, the refugees were inevitable. One day, Louis came in with a scowl, which always meant a story was at hand:

"Louis, my friend! It's been too long! The usual?"

"Make it extra strong today. School was shit," Louis groaned.

"Of course school is shit, that's why I left."

"You're very fortunate, Ted, that you had a choice in the matter. I wouldn't have been scouted for squash if I weren't staying in school, and if I didn't have that, what would I have?"

"You'd be happy. What even is squash anyway? People hit balls against walls and they find it fun. Crazy stuff."

"That's not the worst of it: I have to clean the toilets now."

"I clean the toilets here—it's humbling work. It gives you a better understanding of your food, seeing it as it's made and then after it's digested. What's the big deal?"

"I don't get paid for it."

"Louis, the volunteer! I never thought you'd find generosity in that grizzled old heart of yours."

"I was volunteered for the position. It wasn't my choice."

"Even less work for you: you didn't have to make a decision!"

Ted gave Louis his drink, and Louis took a long sip.

"It's even worse: I'm an Epsilon now, so this is what I have to do. Garbage collection, sweeping, toilets. It's dreadful."

"I don't see the big deal—you have a job title! And it's a fancy Greek one too, and not something boring like 'janitor' or 'serf.' You should celebrate—finish your drink."