Don't Be Afraid To Ask

*17* Saint

For months I tried to ignore it.  I looked away when I saw their faces somewhere (usually laughing, happy), I told myself it was better that way, but that day Mixxiw provoked me.  It was just the two of us at our favorite restaurant, where only the two of us would go, I didn't take anyone else here, and Mixxiw usually hid here from Earth when they had a fight about something, which happened oddly often these days.  It was a place where no one expected to meet two famous BL actors, located in the quiet of one of the side streets of the city.  The atmosphere here has always been very pleasant, even today, when the sky was covered with dark clouds, from which a fine rain was falling down the windows.

People walked around us indifferently, paying no attention to us.  This is what we needed: our safe haven, unknown to our fans, co-workers or Mix's girlfriend.

— Look at this, this could be a good opportunity for us — e said, shoving the phone under my nose.  I saw a flyer with information about the new casting.

— Why do you think so?

— Because the whole project is organized by AlphaTauri and RedBull, they are two teams in Formula 1! — His voice gradually rose, almost shouting the last word.  I raised one eyebrow.

— Wait... Formula 1, you say? — I tried to hide from him the fact that this information really interested me. I couldn't really see how F1 would be connected with our BL industry?

— Yes!  This is a great opportunity to promote your group of actors!  Moreover, I think we should apply too! All of us! Let's give it a try!

—We?  I don't know... — I hesitated.  Despite the passage of time, I still can't get my old friends out of my mind, they will definitely want to prove themselves, will be applying for roles, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to meet them again.

— Come on, please.  Go there with me!  – He insisted.

At work, I didn't get carried away by my emotions, I could tell someone in cold blood that they were not good for something, I could wipe out someone's dreams and years of work if they didn't show what I expected of him or her, but when I talked to Mixxiw  I treated him like my friend, it wasn't easy to just say no to him, especially since I still owed him a favor for hiding what he already knew about me from everyone.

Two months ago I couldn't take it anymore and sneaked up to Zee's house, dressed in black clothes, with a mask on my face, approached from behind.  I knew the road perfectly well, having been there many times before, I knew which part of the property was not covered by any cameras.  From a distance, I saw the lights inside.  I crouched by the fence and watched.

I quickly noticed that Zee wasn't alone there, someone was with him, wandering around the kitchen as if he was cooking something.  I didn't see Zee until some time later when he stirred, rising from his chair at the kitchen table.  The same table where we used to eat breakfast and lunch together, where we sat, learning our lines and sometimes practicing them.  Looking at them, I couldn't get rid of the annoying little voice in my head whispering, "Does he know that we did that too?".

And then something else happened.

Zee approached the boy from behind, put his arm around his waist, and kissed his neck.

A fury I had never known hit me.  Without looking around, I grabbed a nearby stone and was about to throw it at the kitchen window when I felt someone grab my arm and prevent me from carrying out my intention.  I turned my head and saw a familiar face in the pale moonlight.  Mixxiw.  Where did he come from?  What did he want?  Why did he stop me?  I had a lot of questions for him, and he had even more for me.  My heart was beating unbearably fast and loud, so loud I thought it was going to alert Zee, but to my relief, it didn't.  On the other side of the black iron fence behind the wall, two lovers couldn't see the world outside each other and had no idea that at the sight of them my soul shattered into hundreds of tiny, impossible to put together pieces.