It has been four years since I've logged in to Wattpad, four long and winding years. I'm an adult now, I suppose that would be the biggest change. I feel like this story needs some closure, some sort of something or another to tie the old entries together.
In my attraction to Red I found some small amount of peace, no matter how short lived it was. I was able to dive into feelings that were only vaguely different, yet different enough to shock my mind into focusing less on Ana. I had a mental breakdown, my first true psychotic break, and ruined any friendships I might have had back then by confessing the love I believed I felt. In the end, I found out that the woman I called mom, actually my grandmother, had been lying to me about my parents for the entirety of my childhood. If it weren't for that I would've still been in love with Ana, of that I am certain.
After meeting my biological mom, I found myself, healed myself from the bucket loads of trauma those days of my life brought, and improved slowly yet steadily. At sixteen, two years ago and two years from my last entry, I moved in with my parents in a town an hour away from where I was. I had nobody but my parents and myself, and in the newness of that experience I found myself, pulled myself together, and made myself a woman I would have been proud of as a child.
I got a job, where I met a woman only ten years older than I am. My Pearl, the Her of right now, the woman I am madly in love with. The only true difference being, this time she loves me back. Every time she kisses me I can't help but be grateful to Ana and Red and all the others for breaking me so completely, because without being so completely broken when I was starting this chapter of my life I would never have been able to piece myself together in such a perfect way that allowed me to meet Her.
One day I hope to log into this account again, to reminisce about now four years down the road, with my Pearl cuddled into my side and the dog at the end of our bed. For now, this is faire thee well, but it is not goodbye. I will see you all again some day, but for now I'm just riding down the line.
Best,
MCL
YOU ARE READING
Whomever
RomanceI've been hopelessly in love with Suzanne. I've started crushing on Red. What's going to happen? No clue. This is all true. My life, my love. No lies here. This is my journal.
