Whomever

twenty one

Done. Over. Until the summer is over at least. The weekend was strange. Saturday was amazing. I stayed behind after our public rehearsals to watch the other four groups. A hour and a half each. Of course, Ana was there. She created the whole program, all of the groups. She was also the one that got the funding. So she was there. Everyone else in our group left after our rehearsal. After I came in she got me a cup of coffee and I made sure nobody stole her French toast. There was a food truck and we were there for a while. Our group had the first time slot so we were there for 7 and a half hours. Halfway through she bought me some pita bread, hummus, chicken, and falafel. It was amazing. We had a brilliant conversation. We talked about art and found out that we both love Paul Klee. She's going to Mexico this summer. Her and her husband are going to another country. Leaving this Friday for Chicago then Mexico. I love her. I love her so much. The woman I love is going to Mexico with her husband. Let's add that to the list of things that I wish I'll never have to say again. In other news, I'm going to New Haven to tour Yale with another of the professors I was working with. She is going to be teaching there next semester and she is going to invite me over some time during the year. Ana heard and said that she is going to take me to the big college in Chicago some time. She used to teach there. She says that she feels like they are two divorced parents fighting for their child's affection. I don't know how to interpret that... Oh well. I'll over think it later. But the one that's taking me to New Haven is going to let me stay for about a week and she is going to take me to New York! I'm incredibly happy! The owner of the cafe we did the performance in wants to host another program but he couldn't find one. His solution was to invite me and one of our stage managers to create a group! I'm going to get the chance to direct again and that is soooooooooooo amazing! Finally, I am also invited to a poetry night at the cafe. I'll be writing something and performing it there. So that is also amazing. I have SOOOOOO much going right right now but I can't help but be sad. I have nobody to share this feeling with. My success is mine only, nobody else shares in it. My happiness is mine, I can't share it with anyone. My pain is mine, the death of a teacher proves that. He and I were close. I went through so much a while back. He saved my life. Stopped me from killing myself. I owed him the world a million times over. Today is a bittersweet day. Death, her leaving for months, new projects, success, no love, nobody to share myself with. It hurts but I have to do it. I have to find someone else. This summer i'm getting laid. I don't care about who I get laid by as long as they are female. I just need something. I've gone through enough. It's time to be blissfully happy. If I love her next time I see her then I will kiss her. If not then I won't. I just need to get out of this slump. Operation "Get Laid This Summer" is a go.