The Broken Footballer | Alerrie

Chapter 30 - Perrie's a mess

The days were passing achingly fast, and the hours lasted for days. If that made any sense.

Even if it didn't that was how Perrie Edwards was experiencing her latest week of huge career success.

She was going from interview to rehearsals, to photo shootings, to performances, to meetings about the upcoming tour after the album, and the same thing all over again.

But she didn't feel exhausted. Well, she did. But she preferred it, she preferred being so busy that at the end of the day she was just passing out on her pillow before she had any time to think.

Not thinking was the best for the British singer. It meant she could stop feeling that hole in her heart. She could stop feeling the bitterness in her mouth, that rage burning inside her belly, and she could stop missing the person that betrayed her.

Only at moments she couldn't stop herself. And it happened always at the worst moments. The worst one had been a meet and greet, a little boy had come up with his big sister, he had curls on his little head, brown eyes, tanned skin and dimples while he was smiling. Perrie had gone through a couple of hours of meeting fans already, she was doing so well, smiling and taking interest in every one of the fans. She didn't see it coming, her mind betraying her like that. 'That's exactly how Alex would look like a child' that thought froze her smile, made her not able to listen anymore.

Thankfully Jade was there to cover for her. She jumped right in, introduced herself and hugged the young fans. But Perrie's mood and mind were tainted. She felt angry at herself for not being able to think about anything else.

"Are you going to be okay?" Leigh- Anne asked once they had a little break.

"I'm fine." Perrie snapped at her friend.

But people were around watching. And that's how the rumor that Perrie was leaving the band started.

And the blonde Geordie didn't need that at all. She was already faking her feelings, she didn't know how much more she could pretend.

The truth was she was pushing the girls away.

She felt like she had to. She didn't want to talk about Alex, she didn't want to express her feelings or go out dancing to get over it. She just wanted to ignore it as much as she could and work. So what if she needed a little bathroom break to cry in the stall every now and then. And what if she couldn't sleep at once even if she was dead tired. What if she was still checking out video highlights and any information she could find on her ex. What if she couldn't breathe every time there was a new voicemail from him.

Perrie was fine. And Jade and Leigh- Anne needed to give her some space.

But time was passing. August 11th arrived.

Their one month anniversary.

Thankfully all they had to do was meetings and rehearsals, no interaction with the public. Perrie was in no condition to be seen. She hadn't been able to fall sleep last night. Not when all she could think about was that this time last month she was at Alex's house and he was fighting for their relationship.

If only she had left then, if only she was smart enough to drive away with Steve and forget about him before she had a taste of how good they would be together... this would have been easier.

But they weren't good, she reminded herself.

He was a liar. From the beginning he had been lying. Everything they had been through was fake. So she was angry at herself for not realizing it and for missing him. And sleep was impossible.

When she arrived at rehearsals and she pulled off her sunglasses Claud was the first one to approach her, ask her if she was alright. She gave him the same answer she had at the girls when they saw her that morning.