Saving Her || Ian Gallagher

Confessions

-Ian's POV-

Before I can even really think, Lexi's body collides with mine and I wrap one arm around her shoulders and the other around the middle of her back. I hold her gently, yet firmly, and immediately her warmth transfers to my body. Neither of us says anything nor moves as the embrace continues. Her hair brushes gently against my chin as the wind blows. I stare over her head at the city, my eyes burning slightly from the cold wind.

I'm not exactly sure why I wanted to hold her in that moment but it seemed like the right thing to do. It's hard for me to express in words what I've been going through these past few months and how much I've wanted to reach out to her. But I wasn't in the right head space and the more time that passed where I didn't reach out, the more I felt like it was useless to do so. I feel like the shittiest person on the face of the earth.

After a minute or so Lexi lifts her face from my chest and leans back slightly to look up at me. I scan her eyes and face for any trace of what she might be thinking. Her glossy blue eyes look up at me with slight confusion. She opens her mouth to speak when suddenly the balcony door opens and Kenzie stumbles out giggling. As soon as she sees us her laughter dies and her face becomes more serious. Lexi immediately pulls apart from me and the coldness returns to my body where she was.

"Oh! I'm sorry for interrupting." She says smiling. Her drunken eyes dance between us and she smirks at Lexi.

"You're not, what's up Kenz? Are you ready to go?" Lexi asks, taking a step closer to her friend. I turn back towards the railing to try to give them a little privacy.

"No! I actually came out here to tell you that I'm going to stay." Kenzie says, rushing out her words in a hushed excitement.

"What? Like stay the night? Kenz, you're drunk and you barely know Brady, I'm not leaving you here." Lexi responds sternly.

"Lex, I really want to. This feels so right. I'm having such a good time. Ian can vouch for Brady, right?" She chirps and I turn back to face them. Kenzie is looking at me excitedly, her bright eyes shining. One look at Lexi and I can see how worried she is.

"Um, yeah. Brady is a great guy, Lexi. Really. He'll make sure she gets home safely tomorrow." I respond honestly, trying to diminish Lexi's anxiety. Lexi stares at her for a little longer while chewing on her lip.

"Okay, well keep your location on and please keep me updated. If I don't hear from you by noon tomorrow I'm calling the police." Lexi says nervously and Kenzie immediately hops over and squeezes her. She then whispers something in Lexi's ear that makes her roll her eyes.

"I'm gonna order an Uber then and get going soon." Lexi says, pulling out her phone. Kenzie shivers and then goes back inside and closes the door.

"Um, I could just give you a ride home if you'd like?" I offer to her. The last thing I want to do is overwhelm her but I'm not particularly keen to the idea of her getting an Uber by herself after she's been drinking.

"No, that's okay." She says as she stares down at her phone which is illuminating her face. The screen suddenly goes black and she blows out a harsh breath. She puts her phone away and picks up her drink to finish it off.

"I'm parked across the street in the parking garage. It's really no big deal." I offer to her again, hoping she'll take it. She wraps my jacket tighter around herself and stares off in the distance. Her nose and cheeks are pink from the cold and her hair moves slightly with the wind.

"Okay, fine." She says quietly. I move and open the door to the apartment and she walks back inside first. I follow after her and we stop in front of the couch where Brady and Kenzie are sitting and laughing together.

"We're gonna head out, I'm taking Lexi home." I say to them while digging my keys out of my pocket. Brady stands up and goes in for a hug that ends in him slapping my back.

"Thanks for coming out, bud." He says with a drunken smile. I see Kenzie mouthing something to Lexi out of the corner of my eye but I can't tell what she's saying.

"Happy birthday again. And it was nice meeting you Kenzie." I say to them and then head towards the front door. Lexi says bye to them and follows me out. The trip down the elevator and across the street to my car is completely silent except for our shoes hitting the pavement. Once we reach my car and get in I immediately turn on the heat and turn the music down. I begin to drive out of the parking garage and Lexi just stares out of the window with her body facing away from me.

"I just don't understand, Ian." She finally says, breaking the silence.

"Understand what exactly?" I ask, even though I know what she's referring to.

"I mean, I haven't talked or seen you in like 3 months. Then we end up here together tonight and you apologize but don't explain anything and then you hug me." She says and her voice quivers slightly. The guilt makes my stomach turn. My knuckles tighten on the steering wheel.

"What if we wouldn't have been in the same place at the same time tonight, huh? When's the next time I would've talked to you? 6 months? A year? Never? I mean, come on." She huffs and moves her head to look out the windshield. I open my mouth to speak but she continues.

"I honestly just don't get it but if you do, please feel free to explain. You saved my life, we became friends, stuff happened and things got a little complicated, then I stopped by your place and found you blackout drunk and I tried to help you, then you woke up and apologized and wanted to be friends again, but then you ghosted me for three fucking months." She half-yells. Each word she says stings. I didn't know she cared this much and it fucking hurts.

"I liked you a lot Ian. And I am so sorry things got screwed up. But that's life. And maybe you didn't feel the same way I did and our short time together didn't mean as much to you. I would say I haven't thought about you these past few months but I have even if I tried not to. Something about you and us just felt so right, even just as friends, but it's like the world was against us and now it's playing some sick joke on me by bringing you here tonight." She says and I look over to see tears streaming down her face. I want to reach out to touch her but I know I shouldn't.

I open my mouth to finally speak as she asked me to but she puts her hand up instantly and shakes her head. She wipes her eyes and takes a huge shaky breath. A few minutes later I pull up to her house. She gathers her belongings and takes one last sad look at me. She nods slightly and then gets out of the car without another word.