Saving Her || Ian Gallagher

Losing Her

-Ian's POV-

"You're such a fucking liar Lip." I say. Lip laughs and shakes his head. I really want to know what happened to him in England because I hate when he's like this. When I saw him before he left he was so happy to be teaching and he was sober and great and now he's like Frank 2.0. One of the worst parts about this family is the fucking inconsistency.

"You just don't want to believe that out of all the people in the world, your girlfriend or possibly, but probably not anymore, girlfriend lost her virginity to your older brother." He says, smiling at me. It can't be true. Why would that happen? How would that have happened? She lives in a completely different area? And she's nothing like Lip? It's not true, he's lying to mess with me. He always does this.

"Well this just got very interesting. Good thing I showed up. Always a show here." Frank says taking a swig of his bottle with a huge smile on his face. I look down at Lexi and she's pale as a ghost. She won't even look me in the eye. She lets go of my hand.

"Ian lets just go" She says quietly and looking up at me. My mind is racing. My heart is racing. I want to punch something. Lip's face looks like the best target right now.

"Lexi, why don't you just tell him the truth? No point in lying now." Lip says, almost as if he's enjoying this. That's because he is.

"Everyone knock it off. Frank leave and Lip either leave too or go upstairs. It's real hard to have just a nice night together right? I'm sorry Ian but it's probably time to go." Fiona says, clearly upset with how the night has gone. I think about continuing the conversation in the kitchen but instead I don't say anything. I just head for the front door. I open it and walk down the steps. I hear Lexi close the door and follow behind me. I unlock the car and get in and she does the same. We just sit in silence.

"Ian.." She starts but I cut her off.

"Is it true?" I ask, turning and looking at her. She looks at me for a few seconds and then her blue eyes start to fill with tears. No, Lexi, please no.

"Damn it!" I yell slamming my hands on the wheel and she jumps a little, crying harder. Why would she do that? How long ago?

"Ian..let me..explain.." She says, trying to talk between cries. I take a few deep breaths and I let her catch hers before she can talk. I really don't want to believe that it could be true.

"Before you say anything this was a long time ago like 6 years ago Ian. I used to go to your guys' high school. I only went there my freshman year. And it's kind of a big school so I probably never even saw you as a Sophomore. We just moved to Chicago for my mom and my dad didn't have a good job yet so we lived in this area so obviously that was the only option for school. It was the end of freshman year and I got invited to a party. There was a lot of people there. I didn't know like anyone besides my friend Katie who I went there with. It was my first time drinking too. Anyways, Katie was seeing this guy Mike and he was friends with Lip. Us four were hanging out for a while there and then Katie and Mike left to who knows where. It was just me and Lip then. And me being 15 and feeling kind of lonely at this new school, I felt almost cool talking to Lip because he was a junior and was like 16 or 17. But we were talking and we couldn't really hear each other so we went up to one of the rooms. I know, it was stupid. But we were just talking and I thought he was cute and he was flirting with me so I thought he was actually into me. So we started kissing and one thing led to another. I got his number and he never talked to me again. He avoided me completely. I switched schools and forgot about him once my dad got a better job. I never tell anyone because people like Katie thought he took advantage of me. But I wanted to do it at the time. I wanted to get it over with. It really didn't mean anything Ian. It could've happened with anyone, and I'm sorry it had to be with him." She says, looking at me.

I can't even process the story properly because all I can think about is that she had sex with Lip. I finally met someone around here that I genuinely cared about and started to have feelings for and of course my family fucks it up. Everything's fucked up around here. I don't know why I'm even surprised. And it sounds like a normal story that could have happened to anyone but why did it have to be them?

"I know it was a long time ago and I know there was no way for you to know that we would know each other like this now but you have to understand that this is majorly messing with my head right now. You don't understand what it's like to not have anything of your own in this family. It was rare that you got anything to yourself that you didn't have to share. And of course it's like it's always been, the little brother getting the older brothers toy/clothes when he's outgrown it." I say, staring straight out the windshield, not even looking at Lexi.

"I am not a toy Ian. I'm not here getting passed from guy to guy to be played with until their bored. But that's just how some guys see girls isn't it, huh? I just didn't think you were like that." She says, holding back tears that you can hear in her voice. I immediately feel bad, not meaning for it to come out that way but she's already out of the car.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." I murmur, getting out of the car too. It's not safe for her to be walking around here at night. Even though I'm upset I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

"Lexi, please get back in the car. It's not safe walking around at night and your house is far. Let me just drive you home." I plead with her as she continues to walk in front of me. She turns around and stares at me for a second and then walks straight past me back to the car. I was the one who had the right to be a little upset and now she's here making me feel bad.

We both get back in the car and the ten minutes it takes to get to her house feels like an hour. The awkward silence in the air is so thick you could cut it. The radio is off, nothing but the sounds of the car and our breathing. Part of me wants to say something and another part of me wants to be as far away from this situation as possible.

We pull up to her house and both sit there for a minute. She breaks the silence before I can but all she says is "goodbye Ian" and then gets out of the car. She walks up to her house, goes inside, and that's it. That's when I lost her.

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