Candy Stars || Ruscan ]

Part 11

It had been just three days, and the calls between Canada and Russia had become regular. Both of the countries had begun going back to work every day, and on weekends they'd spend nearly the entire time calling, and texting each other.

Canada knew he was in love. He had felt love before in his life and at this point he was fully aware he had a crush on the other. He had also accepted his sexuality at this point unlike Russia. Canada was pansexual.

He had never actually been in a relationship before though.. or done anything remotely romantic with anyone. Or really ever even cuddled with a person... or even held hands in a romantic way now that he thought about it.

He didn't assume anything would come of his crush on Russia as they didn't show any signs of sharing Canadas feelings. Canada just assumed eventually he'd get over his crush like he always did and accept the other as just a friend and nothing else.

Russia also knew he was in love, but he continued to fight against these feelings and play them off as just happiness. He didn't want to believe he had fallen in love with Canada. He didn't want to fall in love with another man. No, he wanted to, he just couldn't.

He had always found other men attractive, and when he was in 5th year he had told his father about how he admired a boy in his class romantically and wanted to write them a valentines card. He had asked his father for help making the card, as Russia didn't know anything lovable that he could write.

He deeply regretted telling his father.. his father didn't approve of his crush, and had taken him out of school to be homeschooled until 7th year so that he wouldn't become "corrupted."

He still remembered how he felt when he made that other boy laugh or smile, and how happy he felt when they were happy.. but the feelings he felt for Canada were 100 times stronger, and so much more terrifying now that he knew how people would feel about him having those kinds of feelings.

And most of his siblings wouldn't support his love either, besides maybe Latvia.. he knew Latvia was bisexual.

Maybe he could just get with Canada and keep it a secret from everyone..

Russia growled, shaking his head viciously. "You're just a confused straight man. Canada is your friend, don't be a fucking perv. Besides, he wouldn't like you as anything more than a friend either. You're just two guy friends and that's it." He said to himself out loud, pushing all of those thoughts into the deepest pit of his mind and praying they'd never climb back out.

But inevitably they did, and instead of trying to push them back himself this time he decided to force them away with alcohol.

He chugged a whole bottle of vodka in seconds, tearing up as the alcohol nectar within the bottle burned his throat but he didn't care. All he cared about was making these horrible thoughts finally stop torturing him.

He couldn't fucking fall in love with a boy.

He couldn't, he couldn't live a life where he had to hide his partner from the world.

He'd just force himself to marry a woman and act happy, that's what his father had said real men were supposed to do, marry a woman and be happy with her.

All he could think as he grabbed another bottle and gulped it down with tears now steaming down his face was: "What the fuck is wrong with me? Dad raised a fucking girl.."

His grip on the bottle tightened and he'd throw it at his wall in anger, his emotions switching up quickly back to sadness as he realized he had just wasted half of his last bottle of vodka.

He had wasted the only thing that would ever make him feel any better about himself.

He was such a disappointment to himself and others.

Suddenly his phone rang, a call from Canada. He looked at the time and realized it was 8 PM.

He quickly grabbed his phone, fumbling with it in his hands for a moment before finally answering the others call and trying his hardest not to make it apparent he had just been crying moments later.

"Hi Nada-" Russia said, getting up and bending down to pick up the broken shards of glass that were now resting in a puddle of vodka near the wall he had thrown the bottle at.

"Hey Russ-" He heard the other sniffling from his phone. "Were you crying-?" He asked, worried for the other. "Huh- no! Just- got a cold. It's getting closer to Christmas after all, which means it's getting colder heh.."

Canada was suspicious. But decided not to press any further and just accept what the other had said as the truth.

"So- what's up?" Russia said to change the subject. "I'm- just watching tv. I just ate dinner and took a shower so now I'm just relaxing, talking to you. And you?" He asked. "Oh I'm uh-"

Russia knew he obviously couldn't tell the truth.

"Doing some cleaning." He said. "This late? You should be in your bed relaxing, not cleaning. You really need to take care of yourself Russia, at least for me." Canada said, making a "tsk tsk tsk" noise to playfully show his disappointment in the other.

Russias cheeks were deep purple. He didn't know what to say. He was so damn flustered just by those simple words. Canada wanted Russia to take care of himself for them? So they cared about him?

Someone cared about him.. and even better it was someone he really liked.

"Pf- h-heh- yea- hey Nada-?"

"Yea Russ?"

Russia gathered up all his courage to get the next words out. "I was thinking we could go out to eat?" Russia continued, his speaking getting faster as he spoke more and more. "I haven't seen you in person since the park and I didn't make a good impression so I-"

Canada interrupted the other. "Sure Russ. And you did make a good impression otherwise I would've never bothered calling you. You were just anxious... and that's ok."

Russia smiled. Canada made him feel so comforted and happy..

"Thank you! Uh- maybe Sunday? Saturday-? Fr-"

Canada interrupted him again. "Saturday sounds amazing.. but- I should be heading off to bed now. Gotta get up early for work Y'know?"

Russia nodded to show he understood even though the other obviously couldn't see it. "Sure, sleep well Nada, I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yea, talk to you tomorrow." and with those last words the Canadian hung up.

Russia looked at the date.. it was Thursday. He had so much to do to prepare for dinner with Canada and so little time..

He'd have to start right away.