The Crow & The Ghost: A Dystopian AU Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

Chapter Nineteen: Give Up the Ghost

  The door slams shut as Riley holds you, his dark eyes bouncing back and forth between yours. The silence in the room is palpable, like a living creature is writhing in the air between your faces.
  Circe is quiet, though you can feel her tail graze your leg as she pushes her body against Riley's.
  "Riley..." Your voice is near breathless. He watches you as you stare at him—the entirety of him.
  He's beautiful. You hadn't known what to expect, but he's better than you could have dreamed. His hair is a dark blonde that's closely cropped to his head. His lips, though you had felt them and glimpsed them what seemed like hundreds of times now, were not very full, but not too narrow, either, just a masculine shape that looked perfect with the wetness of his tears. His nose—this was the part of him you had never truly gotten to see before—looked like it may have been broken in the past, a strong nose that had been rendered slightly crooked. The whole of him brought so much more context to those lovely, haunted, sunken eyes... it's almost too much to bear.
  "Remember when I asked you if I could fly with you, little Crow?" Riley whispers.
  "Yes," You reply, thinking back to that first meeting with him and Soap in the Atrium, back to when he was just Lieutenant Riley—just Ghost. Back to when you didn't know him at all. Had that really been just two weeks ago?
  Now you're running your thumb along his jawline, touching parts of him that are a mystery to almost everybody else.
  Riley leans towards you, his fingers pressing on your back and your neck. He comes so close that his lips nearly brush yours as he says: "Don't clip my wings. Not yet. Let me make this right."
  You close your eyes, your brow furrowed as you bite your lip. "Riley, I can't..."
  "Can't what, little Crow?" He asks, his voice a caress that you feel deep in your stomach.
  "I can't keep doing this to myself or to you," You sigh, not opening your eyes. You feel his forehead press against yours, his fingers splaying on your back, as if he's trying to hold as much of you as he can. His breath is becoming near ragged, as if your words are stealing the air from his lungs.
  "Crow," His voice has grown hoarse. "Don't do this to me."
  Your eyes snap open and you push your head back so your forehead leaves his. His eyes were closed, but he quickly opens them, leaning away so he can look at you. His perfect face is still being held by your hands.
  You drop them and step away.
  "Don't do what to you?" You ask. "You know I don't want things to be like this."
  "So don't give up." Riley says, reaching out a hand. You step away. He drops his hand back to his side, his fingers stretching before they become a loose fist.
  "I just told you," You say. "That you're making me feel like I'm going crazy. I just told you that I can't afford to go crazy. This has to end before I lose everything."
  Riley's face twists like you've just hit him. "Lose everything? You think I would make you lose everything?"
  "Yes!" You exclaim, throwing your hands out. "Yes, I think we're destroying each other! Even Moorehouse said it! Keegan said that we don't think clearly when we're together, that we're risking too much—"
  Riley's eyes narrow. "Keegan and Moorehouse? Those are the opinions we're trusting?"
  You give him an exasperated look. "Oh, and did Soap tell you that we're perfect for each other? I'm sure you talked to him."
  "More or less, actually." Riley crosses his arms, leaning onto one leg. It takes great effort for you to not focus on the way his hips move. "Soap adores you, Crow."
  "Well, this isn't about adoration," You hiss. "This is about the safety of the city."
  "And you really think the safety of the city hinges on whether or not we're fucking?" Riley's accent is thick as he speaks. "You think that Meara O'Sullivan suddenly loses power if you stop sucking my dick?"
  You shake your head at him. "This is what I'm talking about. You try to get the upper hand on me by trying to make me feel like I'm unreasonable, or that I'm being dramatic. And maybe sometimes I am, but definitely not every time, Riley. I'm being entirely reasonable about taking my job seriously, about not wanting to be clouded by emotions, and you always try to make me feel stupid when you don't get your way. You never try to understand when you're wrong."
  Riley blinks, and his expression slips from annoyance to hurt. He swallows and breaks his gaze from yours, his eyes flicking to the floor as his tongue worries the inside of his cheek. Something you said caught him in a position he doesn't like to be in. Like perhaps your words hit too close to home, were a bit too on the nose.
  If you're going to do this, truly do this, you may as well twist the knife. Make it count. Even if the knife is double edged.
  "You just told me to tell you all the ways that you're a bad person," You say, crossing your arms to mirror him. "I'm just doing what you asked."
  He looks at you again, his hooded eyes unreadable. "I know."
  You smirk. "Did you think I wouldn't be capable?"
  He looks away again, one of his hands reaching into his back pocket as the other drops to his side. He's holding the mask in his hand—you aren't sure when he put it away to begin with.
  "I think you're capable of more than you even realize." He says quietly. He brings his hand up and the other meets it, grabbing one side of the mask as he finds the opening deftly with his fingers, bringing it closer to his face—
  You're there before you can think about it, your hands on his wrists. You stare at each other, the mask propped in the air between you.
  "Don't." You whisper.
  His brows knit together, his dark eyes filled with a despair that nearly makes you cry again. "You're confusing me." He says.
  "You're confusing me," You reply.
  "I'm asking you to let me stay in your life," He replies. "I'm begging you, Crow. I can't—" He looks away again. You release one of his wrists and put your hand on his cheek, forcing him to look back at you.
  "You can't what?" You ask, your voice pleading. "Answer me honestly, Riley. Tell me exactly what you can't do."
  And you almost want him to say it. You almost want him to tell you he needs you just as much as you need him. You almost want him to say that he can't bear another day without you, consequences be damned, and that he would take on Keegan and Moorehouse and the entire population of Vampire Alley just to stay by your side. You almost want him to admit that even though you're awful for each other, that nothing good could come from this, he'd rather feel the pain of you than feel nothing at all.
  You almost want him to say it just as badly as you want to say it yourself. The thought of him leaving this apartment and things going back to the way they were before makes you sick. You know it's bad, you know it might be wrong, you know it might cost you more than it gains you, but when would someone else make you feel like this? When would you care about someone else this much? When would they care about you this much right back?
  You almost want him to say it.
  But it's an almost.
  It's an almost because, deep down, the idea of failure—the idea that you might self-destruct for someone else—gives you such a deep sense of dread that you aren't sure you would be able to stomach it. You aren't sure you'd be able to look in the mirror knowing you disappointed more people than just your parents.
  Your parents are a never ending bruise on your heart, one that you never touch because you don't want to be reminded of how much it hurts, how sharp that pain still is all these years later, even with all your accomplishments now between you and the way your parents gave up hope. If anyone else thought of you in the way your mother and father did, if anyone else you have come to look up to and respect saw you as someone no longer worthy of their affection, you feared that bruise would become an internal bleed. A wound that you wouldn't know about until it was too late, and you were coughing up blood.
  But you can't disappoint someone like Riley. You can't hurt him. It's not possible. He's too strong and too proud and he's been hurt by much worse—you can tell he has. You can tell you aren't the worst thing that's happened to him. He's the safe one to disappoint. He's the safe one to leave behind.
  But when Riley looks at you with those perfect eyes, you wonder if you've been wrong about him—and maybe even about yourself—all along.
  You want him to say it.
You want to know.
  "I can't lose you." Riley says, as if he's purposefully answering your secret prayer. "I told you that before, and I fucking meant it. I'm a fool for you, little Crow. I'm an unkind person and I'm generally unpleasant to be around, I know that. Soap can tell you all the ways I was wrong to him and didn't admit it until later. I'm telling you right now that I've been wrong to you, and I'll do it again. I'll do it again and again, Crow. And I'm sorry every fucking time, I promise you. But I'll fail a million more times just to try and get it right once for you."
  "Just once?" You ask, your voice cracking.
  Riley leans his head into your hand. "Once a day for the rest of my fucking life, little Crow."
  You stare at him, and you feel your resolve wavering. "Would I break your heart if I ended it now? Or would you wake up tomorrow not feeling any different?"
  Riley turns his head slightly and presses his lips to your palm, keeping his eyes on you. He relaxes his lips and you stare at each other. Then he closes his eyes and brings his hand to cup the back of yours, pressing your palm to his lips as he kisses it again, the warmth of his mouth a sensation you feel in your core. He ends the kiss and turns his face to you once more.
  "If you tell me to leave," He says, his eyes blazing. "I'll go. And I'll never bother you again."
  "But would you care?" You ask, your voice smaller than you've ever heard it.
  "Crow," Riley says, the ghost of an incredulous smile on his face, like he can't believe that you're even asking him this question. "I'll carry the pain of you wherever I fucking go."
  Your throat burns. "But will you—"
  Before you can finish, Riley's lips are on yours, his warm mouth pressed to your lips as he wraps a hand around the back of your head. The mask drops to the floor. You melt into him without thinking about it, weaving your arms around him as you open your mouth, letting him deepen the kiss as much as he wants. He kisses you roughly, desperately, as if trying to show you how much he would care.
  How much he's wanted to tell you all those things you wanted to hear.
  Fuck the almost's.
  He breaks the kiss but doesn't move far away, staying so close that you can't make out any details of his face. "If you want me gone, I'm gone," He says, his breath ragged again. "But you're never going to be fucking leaving me."
  "I don't want you gone," You admit. "But I want to do what's right."
  "You belong with me," He replies. "You and I are the most right thing in the fucking world."
  "Riley—"
  He presses his mouth to yours, kissing you hard before he pulls away again. His kissing is making you dizzy with desire, but you want to hear him speak, so you don't lean in for more. You just wait for him to talk.
"I'll do whatever you want me to do," He says roughly. "I'll stay away from you at work if that's what you need. Do the investigation with Keegan if that's what you want. I don't give a fuck. But your body belongs on mine. Your touch is only for me to feel. Your pain is only for me to see. Your heart beats in time to mine. Do you understand, little Crow? Do you understand that it's always going to be this way?"
  "Yes, Ghost," You whisper. "I've always understood." And you do. You really, really do. "Now, I want you to kiss me until your heart breaks."
  "Yes, Lieutenant." He says, and then he does.
  He kisses you so roughly that your teeth clatter together, and he runs a tongue over your teeth quickly, as if in apology, before he dips into your mouth and tastes as much of you as he can. You moan into his kiss and it makes him grip you tighter, his hands traveling down your body until he reaches your thighs and he lifts you up, your legs wrapping around his waist instinctively. He keeps one hand on the underside of one of your thighs and wraps the other around your waist, pressing you so tightly to him that it nearly steals your breath.
  You kiss him recklessly, like a lovesick teenager, not caring how wet and messy your faces get as you open your mouth wide for him, tilting your head to one side so you can get as deep as possible. Your thighs tighten around his waist and your arms squeeze around his neck, and your hands grope his shoulders and upper back, as if you're clawing to get closer, closer, closer.
  You have no idea how long you kiss each other like this, but you keep going, you don't want it to ever stop, you don't even care when you stop feeling your lips because at least you can still feel his tongue. And something about it is so perfect, just being held by him as you make out in the middle of your apartment, the feeling of each other so intense and perfect that you don't even need to strip off your clothes and fuck—at least not yet.
  He's different. This is different. Everything is different this time.
It's not just about sex anymore, you realize.
  Your kisses start to become less frantic, more purposeful, and Riley brings his hand to your ass and squeezes it as you kiss each other more lazily, slowly, both of you starting to truly savor each other. You groan into his mouth and he squeezes your ass harder, biting your lip slightly before kissing you deeply again again.
  "Can I fuck you, Crow?" He asks between kisses.
  "Yes, Riley, you can." You reply, but you don't stop kissing him and you don't move to come off of him. You don't want to.
  He takes his hand off your ass and begins to undo his pants right there, using one hand while he holds you tight as the waist, not missing the rhythm of your kissing for even a second. When he's ready he taps your thighs and quickly says for you to drop down, and you unhook your legs and bring them to the floor. He holds you close still, and you feel his cock pressing against your stomach as you wriggle your pants off, breaking your kiss only for you to both peel off your shirts. Your lips meet his again as you unclasp your bra and let it drop to the floor.
  When you step out of your pants he lifts you up once more to wrap your legs around him, but he adjusts you slightly so you're a bit lower down, and you feel the head of his cock brush against your pussy and you both sigh.
  "Can I fuck you like this?" He asks, his voice breathless. "You're already so fucking wet."
  "Against the wall," You murmur, kissing the sides of his mouth as he moves you, and your eyes are closed the entire time, not even balking when you feel your back press against something solid.
  "Just like this?" Riley asks, kissing you again before you can answer.
  "Just like this." You confirm.
  "Open your eyes, pretty girl," He says, and you do, though your gaze is lazy with desire. So are his. "I want you to see me when I show you how much I love you."
  Your mouth pops open in surprise, and he lets out some sort of primal sound as he lunges forward and dips his tongue into it, kissing you so hard your head knocks back against the wall softly. He bites your lip as he pulls away, holding it between his teeth for a seconds before he lets it go. He adjusts himself and you can feel the head of his cock just against your entrance.
  You stare at each other. You look at every feature on his face before you say: "Show me how much you love me, Ghost."
"Yes, Lieutenant," He groans, and slides himself inside of you.
You both moan when he enters you, your pussy so wet you can immediately feel how it moistens the bottom of his stomach and the inner sides of his hips.
"God, I love this fucking pussy," He grinds out, biting his lip as he looks right at you. "I love everything about you."
"I love everything about you," You say back, and you mean it. "I don't even give a fuck how it looks."
Riley raises an eyebrow. "How it looks?" He pulls out for a moment and thrusts back in, hard, and you let out a sharp sound of pleasure. "It looks so fucking good, baby." He thrusts in again, and you're already embarrassingly close to screaming. "Everyone wants to look this fucking good."
"Will you come inside me?" You ask, practically begging. You're so god damn horny you can't even think straight, and you can't find it in you to care.
"Already thinking about that, huh?" Riley croons, leaning forward to lick your lips as he starts building a rhythm with his hips, one that is torturously slow and perfect. "Are you so desperate for my cum, baby? What happened to me being the one who begs?"
"I'm feeling submissive and desperate for you right now," You say, kissing the side of his mouth. "Is that so wrong?"
  "Fuck," Is Riley's only reply, and you're guessing it isn't so wrong after all.
  You start to make out again as Riley fucks you, your bodies tangled together as if every part of each other touching is not nearly close enough. And maybe it isn't. Riley keeps moving slow, and you let him, wanting to savor the feeling of him inside you for as long as you're able to.
  This isn't the last night with him—not by a long shot. You had thought when he knocked on your door that it would be, that you would end everything and move on, get back to your normal self, wake up in the morning and meet Keegan with the version of you he was looking for... but Riley was right. It was always going to be this way.
  You weren't the same Crow you were before. But you didn't think it was wrong as Moorehouse and Keegan were making it out to be. It wasn't wrong to love and be loved in return. It wasn't wrong to care for someone.
  Why couldn't you be with Riley and still be the same Lieutenant you had always been? Why were they mutually exclusive? What if these two things existing at the same time actually made you better in the end?
How would you know if you didn't try?
  Riley takes you off the wall but keeps you against him, his cock still inside you as he moves. "Can I take you to your room?" He asks quietly.
  You give him a smile. "Of course you can." You say, and he smiles back.
  He carries you into your room, pausing when he sees Circe on the bed in the dim lighting. You feel very naked and extremely slutty in that moment, clinging to Riley's massive frame while his cock lodged is inside your pussy, your poor cat viewing it all up close.
  She stares at you, unimpressed.
  "Come on, darling," Riley murmurs, leaning over slightly to pat the cat on the head before waving her away. "I can give you a hug later."
  Circe makes a mewing sound before jumping off the bed and disappearing into the living room.
  Riley sits on the edge of the bed, you in his lap. He wraps both of his large arms around your waist, a lazy smile on his face.
  "My smokey eye has gotten all over your face," He says.
  You scowl. "Do I look crazy?"
  "Yes," Riley says, leaning in. "But it makes you look like you were made for me." He starts to kiss you again, and his cock throbs inside you, causing you to sigh with pleasure as you start moving on him.
  "I am made for you," You whisper on his lips, grinding on him, keeping his cock so deep in your pussy, like it would hurt you if he pulled out even a little bit. Maybe it would.
  Riley's hands start traveling lightly along your back, making you shiver as one hand wraps itself in your hair and the other grips your ass. He pulls your hair hard enough that your head is angled upwards, your throat exposed to him as he begins to lick it. Then he pulls your head back even farther, making you arch as he brings his mouth down to your breast, licking and sucking your nipple.
  You start to moan, and you can feel his smile. "I know, baby," He says, the vibration of his voice on your nipple making you shiver again. "I know I must feel so good for you. Don't you always want me like this?"
  "Yes," You sigh, grinding on his cock at a faster pace. "Just like this."
  Riley sucks your breast hard and then lets it go, giving it a slow and rough lick before he brings his face back up, releasing the tight grip on your hair so you can look at him again.
  "Yeah," He whimpers, his lips shiny and wet. He licks them when he sees you looking. "Oh, fuck," He starts leaning backwards, laying down on your bed with you on top of him.
  You lean over him and start kissing him deeply again, riding his cock with the same slow, torturous pace he used on your earlier. You groan into each other's mouths, Riley's hand knotting your hair as he holds your head right against his, his other hand squeezing and slapping your ass, making your pussy tighten on him each time.
  "You don't need me," Riley whispers between kisses. "You are so perfect just on your own, little Crow."
  "I don't need you," You agree, your voice no more than a breath. It hitches when his cock hits you perfectly. "But I'll always want you, Riley."
  "You'll always have me," He replies, his voice hoarse.
  You open your eyes and raise your head to look at him, your hips rocking on his cock. You feel an orgasm building, and the small whimpers leaving your mouth without you trying only confirms it.
  "You're a fucking mess for my cock, aren't you?" Riley asks, smacking your ass hard.
  Your pussy tightens on him again and you both groan. "Just an absolute disaster," You agree, picking up your pace again just slightly.
  "I know you are," Riley says roughly. "Such a good girl for me, aren't you?"
  "Only because you deserve it," You say, kissing him hard before you sit up, letting him see the entirety of you as you ride his dick.
  He releases your hair and holds one of your breasts, his thumb lightly tracing your nipple. "You look so good on my cock," He whispers, his hooded eyes transfixed on your body as you writhe on him. "I'd do anything for you."
  "Oh yeah? Anything?" You ask. He nods, biting his lip. "Do you want to be my little wife, Riley?" You feel a smirk growing on your face. You love playing with him like this—watching this gigantic warrior of a man degrade himself for you.
Riley bites his lip harder and closes his eyes, angling his head backwards so he's stretching his neck, as if the question sent a wave of pleasure through him.
  "Oh, you do, don't you?" You coo, bringing your hand over his throat. You squeeze the sides slightly and he groans. "You want to be on your hands and knees for me every night?"
  Riley opens his eyes, his sunken gaze filled with an intense desire. "Of course I fucking do," He says. "Put a fucking collar on me if that's what you want."
  "What about that muzzle you mentioned?"
  "I can do that," Riley says thickly. You can feel his cock throbbing incessantly inside you, and you can tell you're both moments away from coming. "But then it'll be harder for me to lick that perfect pussy, you know."
  You pause, your hips stilling. "That's so right." You say, taking your hand off his throat and tapping your chin. "And you almost got away with it."
  Riley blinks. "What?"
  "Perfect little wives," You say slowly, "Always give their husbands good head." You lean forwards and grab his chin. "Where's what I'm owed?"
  "Get off me and I'll show you," Riley replies, not skipping a beat.
  You come off him and immediately lay on your back, bending your legs and angling them open. Riley rolls over and is there in an instant, his head right at your pussy, looking up at you as he brings his hands to wrap around your thighs.
  "If you come in my mouth," Riley says. "You'll never be getting rid of me. Ever."
  You give him a wicked grin. "That's all I want."
  He smiles back before dipping his head towards you, his tongue finding your clit with expert precision. He moans on it and you're instantly squirming, moaning so loudly you wonder if he's going to make you come within a few seconds. He watches you the entire time, and all you can see are his dark eyes, his kohl-smudged cheeks and nose and forehead, his dirty blonde hair. His eyes have a pathetic, longing, desperate expression in them, as if he's begging you to come through one look alone.
  It's enough to make your legs shake, it's enough to have your hands on his head, pushing him down so he can't leave your clit for even a second, not even to come up for air. He takes it in stride, kissing and licking and sucking your clit until you can't take it anymore.
  "I'm going to come," You say, your breaths ragged and shallow, almost like you're hyperventilating. "I'm going to come really hard, Riley."
  His eyes become heavy lidded at this, and he opens his mouth wider, bringing all of his wet warmth onto your pussy as he moans on you, the vibration so intense that it makes your release shoot through you like a star. Riley watches you the entire time, and you watch him back, your eye contact an unbreakable tether keeping you grounded to earth as Riley gives you one of the most sensual orgasms of your life.
  "Oh my god," You groan, your hips twitching as you come down from the orgasm. "Holy fucking god."
  "I know I am, baby," Riley says, his breath tickling your pussy before he gives it another tongue filled kiss. "Mmmm," He groans on you, and your hips buck with the overstimulation, making him laugh as he pulls away and upwards, his arm muscles flexing as he climbs on top of you, keeping himself propped above you.
  God, his body is so fucking big. And hot.
  "I want to end it like this," Riley says, and you freeze.
  "What?"
  "I want it to end just how it did, with you coming," Riley clarifies, seeing the sudden fear in your eyes. "I don't need anything more than that."
  You're still confused. "What do you mean? Don't you want to finish?"
  "Naturally," Riley concedes. "But all I wanted to do was show you how much I want you, little Crow. And I wanted to give myself over to you."
  "Over to me?" You repeat, incredulous. "But you haven't come—"
  "It's not all about me all the time," He says softly, lowering himself so that your bodies are pressed together. He keeps himself propped on his elbows so his head is above yours. "A good little wife knows when to make his sacrifices."
  You let out a short laugh. "You can't be serious."
  "I'm horribly serious." He replies, smiling slightly. "I want that fucking collar."
  "I've never met a man in my life who won't get his happy ending," You say, your voice wary. "What's the trick here?"
  "No trick." Riley presses a soft kiss to your lips. There's no sex in it, no urgent desire. Just affection, and it makes your heart ache. "Don't worry about me."
  "But Riley—"
  "Be quiet, Crow," Riley says firmly, though not unkindly. "I only wanted to take care of you. That's all I want. You don't need me, but let me feel needed."
  "You are needed," You say, looking deep into his eyes. You put your hand on his cheek, and he leans into the touch again. "Do you understand me? You're needed, Riley. You don't have to do all of this."
  He gives you a sad smile, one that you don't entirely understand. "All I do to the people I love is take," He says, his voice very soft and almost too low to hear. "I don't want to anymore."
  "Okay," You whisper, letting him have this. You don't understand it. You wonder distantly what kind of conversation Riley had with Soap today, and if he was reflecting on his relationships more than he usually did because of it. This was a side of him you hadn't seen before. "But you're going to come again someday, right?"
  Riley laughs, and it's a beautiful sound, and his smile is even more gorgeous as he does it. He laughs and then finally lowers himself completely onto you, burying his head in the place where your neck meets your shoulder, just like he did after that night with Keegan. Was that only last night? You couldn't keep track of the days anymore.
  "Focus on what you need to do tomorrow, Crow," Riley says into your neck. "And then come find me and fuck me senseless. Milk me until I'm dry."
  You scowl. "That's a disturbing image."
  Riley laughs again, and you want to do whatever you can to make him like this as often as possible.
  After a few moments of quiet, Riley moves his head so he's no longer speaking against your neck. "I want you to show everyone that you're fucking amazing with or without me. That you can do anything you want with anyone you want and still be the best fucking Lieutenant on the Defense."
  "You think I'm the best Lieutenant on the Defense?"
  Riley laughs again, and it gives you a flutter in your stomach. You press a kiss to the top of his head.
  "Of course I do," Riley says. "You make me look like a fucking joke."
  "That's not true," You say. "And definitely not what you said earlier."
  You feel Riley's body stiffen slightly. "I was a fucking asshole." He says. "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you in that way."
  "No, you shouldn't have." You agree. "But thank you."
  "You may think you've gone crazy these last two weeks, Crow, but you're just as fucking good as you've always been." Riley says. "You're just a bit different than you were before."
  "Thanks to you." You groan, though there's humor in it.
  "Thanks to me," Riley agrees. "You're different, Crow, and that's not a bad thing. All you have to do is show them who you truly are. What you're really capable of."
  Come back to me, Crow. Keegan had said. Show me who you truly are.
And you would. You fucking would.
  You hear your phone vibrating loudly on the dresser beside your bed. You reach over, grabbing it without having to move Riley.