The Crow & The Ghost: A Dystopian AU Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Accountability

You return to Ghost's apartment to find your groceries have been delivered.
    "Making yourself at home, Crow girl?" Soap smirks, inching by you as you're picking up the bags by the front door. He steps inside and you quickly follow after him, surprised to see Keegan waiting just beyond the entrance, his blue eyes unreadable as he reaches behind you to shut the door.
    "Thank you," You breathe. "You didn't have to do that."
    Keegan says nothing as Circe jumps from his arms, the cat already investigating her new surroundings.
    The four of you spend a few minutes in silence, putting your groceries away and stacking your bags in the corner of Riley's room. Each of you needs a few moments of quiet to think over everything that's happened.
    You had guessed that Kieran might try to kill Meara O'Sullivan. You knew that if Kieran had managed to stay in his right mind, he would want to occupy himself with something that felt like a continuation of his human life, so he didn't have to think about the new reality of his situation.
    On the other hand, you had also guessed that he might want to end his time as an Undead rather quickly. You had wondered whether he would opt to kill Meara or himself, wondered which choice he would make once he awoke to find himself Undead. The fact that he wanted to do both was astounding to you—and it only broke your heart even more.
    Loyal to the end. Loyal to you, to the Defense, to the safety of the city, before even himself. That was Kieran. That was what you had lost.
    As you find the cereal cabinet and put in your own box, you realize you're not the only person that's experiencing his loss. Riley and him had gotten along, had been able to make each other laugh. And Kieran and Soap... something had been blooming there.
    You turn away from the cabinet and find Riley and Soap standing close to each other, their arms brushing together as both of them keep busy at the kitchen counter. You see Soap's eyes continuing to dart towards Riley, as if he's constantly checking that Riley's okay, that he's still here, that he's safe.
    "Are you guys tired?" You ask, and though you aren't directing the question at anyone in particular, both Riley and Soap look up.
    "Yes," Soap replies. "Keegan got to rest, but I couldn't."
    "Neither did we." Riley adds, and Soap shoots him a look, causing Riley to clear his throat awkwardly. You fight a smile.
    "Why don't you guys take a nap?" You suggest to them, and Riley's eyes snap to yours. He still has his mask on, and his eyes look so full of despair, so exhausted. It reminds you of when you first met him, and this makes you nervous.
    "A nap?" Riley repeats, his voice gruff. His body is now still, his hooded eyes focused on you while Soap steals a glance to look up at him. You can practically feel the hopefulness radiating off the Captain.
    You love Riley, and you know he feels the same towards you, but you don't feel a territorial-ness over him that you would have expected to feel for someone you care about so much. Maybe it's because your first sexual encounter with him was with Soap, on top of the experience with Keegan, so you've always been comfortable with sharing. Maybe you just know deep down that Soap will always be a part of the two of you—maybe not as invested, but always involved. Regardless, you can tell Riley loves him deeply, that there's a bond between them that you can never touch. And it doesn't... it doesn't bother you at all.
    You like Soap. You like him a lot. And you can see how desperately they need each other right now. In what context, you're not sure, but you can see it plainly. You saw it in the way they looked at each other when Riley woke up in your apartment, and it lingers.
    You let out an exasperated sigh, annoyed that Riley is making you say it. "Can you and Johnny just like... go be with each other? I think you need it."
    You see Soap's head turn towards you, a smile growing on his handsome face, but you keep your eyes trained on Riley's. Riley blinks at your words, and then his gaze narrows. He's wondering what you're playing at.
    "After losing my friend," You say quietly. "I would like to make sure you guys stay friends. That's all."
    Riley's eyes soften slightly. He looks so, so tired.
    "We have the time," You whisper. "We have the time to rest today."
    Riley breaks his gaze and looks down at Soap. "You want a fucking nap, MacTavish?"
    Soap breaks into a stupid grin, one that makes your chest warm. "Yes, sir."
    Riley rolls his eyes and turns away, heading towards his room. Soap immediately follows.
    "Wake us up in an hour if we aren't up already," Riley mumbles, yanking his mask off and throwing it towards the washing machine as he goes. The two of them enter his room, Riley slamming the door shut behind him.
    You stare at the door for a few seconds, a small smile on your face. It feels right, and you're glad you said something.
    "The fuck is that about?" Keegan's voice cuts through the room, and you flinch. You had almost forgotten that the Sergeant was even there.
    You close your eyes, letting out a shaky breath as your hand flies to your chest. "Jesus," You say, letting out a small giggle. "You scared me."
    Keegan, who's sitting on the couch, stares at you for a moment. He's sitting in a relaxed stance, his muscular thighs spread apart, one of his arms cast lazily over the top of the couch. His mask is still on, as usual, and his icy blue eyes are looking at you like you're an X-ray version of yourself, like he can see every damn thing.
    You think that he can. You think that, maybe, he's always been able to.
    "You three have an interesting relationship," Keegan says carefully.
    You let your shoulders slump and you walk over to the couch, plopping yourself down a few feet away from him. Keegan's head moves to watch you.
    "I'm sure Soap says that about the three of us, too," You say, motioning between Keegan and yourself. The images of you, Riley, and Keegan in your apartment flash through your mind, each image more dirty than the last.
    Keegan's eyes narrow slightly, and you know he has memories he's sorting through, too.
    "I'm sorry," You say suddenly. Keegan says nothing, though you think you might see an eyebrow raise. It's hard to tell with the shadow of his mask. "I'm sorry for when I accused you of being in line with the Undead. I was... I was practically losing my mind. I think leaving the Defense is... it's probably the best decision for me."
    Keegan still says nothing, and you wonder if perhaps he'll never speak to you again, just keep his gaze pinned on you. Then, suddenly, he folds his arms over his chest, his biceps straining against his tight, dark gray long sleeve shirt. He still has all of his tactical gear on, making him look incredibly imposing just sitting on Riley's couch. He's a big man, and you fight to keep your focus on his masked face.
    Now is not the time to oogle at the military man, you fucking doorknob.
    "I am not someone like Riley or MacTavish," Keegan says slowly. "I won't fight for your affection. I won't even work for it."
    Your brow furrows, confused. "I know that."
    "I think you got very lost in the situation you were in," Keegan says. "And I think you let the line between work and play blur into nothing at all."
    Now it's your turn to cross your arms. "Yes. But you—"
    "Never lost sight of that." Keegan interrupts. You snap your mouth shut. "You can't tell me I ever let that boundary waver when push came to shove." He uncrosses his arms and sits up, propping his elbows on his massive legs. His eyes are like crystals, glinting in the early afternoon sun. "I was the only one who kept my head screwed on."
   "That's not fair," You breathe.
    "It's also not fair you tried to pin everything on me," Keegan snaps back, though his voice remains calm. "When I was just trying to do my job."
    You think back to when you were in Keegan's office, not even a day after he had fucked you with Riley, when you were accusing him of being in line with Defense, accusing him of working with Meara to throw you off in the investigation, accusing him of getting Riley thrown off the case. You remembered the look in his eyes and the fiery anger that lived there, a fury that you had caused with your own irrationality.
    No—Keegan hadn't done anything to make you fall apart. He had remained professional, if a bit stoic and maybe even a little unnecessarily cold. But you had been losing it—completely and totally losing it. You had said it over and over to yourself as it was happening, but had you really known? Had you truly understood? You had been becoming unworthy of your title, throwing all of your training and professionalism aside because of how Riley made you feel. You had taken ownership of that, somewhat, but you really had to now. You had to know it, you had to own it. It had cost you your job, the investigation, Kieran's life. If you had pushed even harder it could have cost Keegan his reputation, too.
    Riley was special to you, and you weren't going to let him go, but god dammit you needed to come to terms with the consequences of your actions. Within a few short weeks of Riley being in your life, everything had turned upside down, and you were seeing sides of yourself you had never seen before.
    But... you liked to think that, in all of this, Riley was uncovering the real you—the version of you that was begging for the chance to live and breathe, the version of you that had been there all along, stifled by military training and fear.
    You had given the Defense everything, and yet you weren't all that upset that you were out of it now. You just wondered what would be next. You wondered what else was waiting for you, what you could do with your life that would let you love Riley how you wanted, how he deserved, without you feel unstable while you did it.
    The Defense had made you unstable. The things Moorehouse had asked of you had made you unstable. You had to own that, and you had to find a way to move on, find a way to exist in peace.
    "You're right," You say, sighing. "And I'm sorry, Keegan. I am."
    You meet Keegan's eyes, his gaze inscrutable. "And I'm sorry I put my hands on you." He replies, his voice low.
    It's then that you remember his fist in your hair, your head knocking against the door to his office as you threw accusations at him.
    God, what a fucked up month I've had.
    "Thank you for apologizing." Is all you say.
    There's a bit of quiet. You and Keegan look away from each other, both of you letting the silence eat up some of the time.
Then, suddenly: "I'm going to leave the Defense." Keegan says, and your jaw drops. Your eyes snap to his and you find he's already looking at you again.
    "You can't do that!" You say, sitting up. You scooch along the couch to be closer to him, putting your hand on his arm. His eyes stay on you. "You can't just leave, Keegan."
    Keegan tilts his head to one side, a movement that reminds you of a predator, like a wolf sizing up its prey. "You did."
    "That's... different." You say, biting your lip. "It was the right thing to do."
    "And how do you know it's not right for me?" Keegan replies. His irises seem to be dancing in the light, like there's a cacophony of flames in the depths of his skull.
    You can feel yourself falling into those fathomless blue pits again, and this time there's no one around you to help pull you out.
    "I don't," You admit. Your hand slides off his arm. "But I feel like you don't need to do that."
    Keegan's head straightens, and his eyes seem to almost glaze over for a second, like he's turned into himself while he's considering something. Then his gaze sharpens on you again.
A choice made.
    You feel the air between you pull taut, like the tension that exists between you and Keegan is a living thing. In a way, it always has been. The tension between you has been thick since that day Riley brought him into your office. He sits up and turns slightly towards you, leaning forward. You find yourself leaning forward too, your faces soon less than a foot away.
    "You don't need to know what I need," Keegan whispers. His gaze flicks to your mouth. "Unless I tell you directly."
    Your heart kickstarts in your chest as he meets your eyes again.
   "Don't leave the Defense on my account," You say. You mean it as a joke, but it doesn't really seem to come out that way.
    Keegan leans closer, his knee now brushing yours. He places a hand on your neck, and you fight the urge to shiver. "I don't live to please you, Crow," He breathes, his eyes like molten ice. "Not like they do."
    You know he means Riley, and even Soap.
    You don't deny it. You just stare at him, resist the urge to squirm under his touch, resist the pull you feel in the pit of your stomach.
    "I have plenty of men who please me," You whisper, your lips quirking into a smile. Keegan always makes you feel off-kilter, maybe even a little powerless. Deep down, you like that about him. "I guess I don't need another one."
    "No," Keegan whispers, and now his masked mouth is brushing against your cheek, his hand sliding down your arm. "You don't."
    "What about you being such a good helper?" You ask, calling back to some of your first conversations with him and Riley. He's a good helper, this one. Willing to do anything for you, if you ask him right.
    Keegan's free hand passes by your face to lift up his mask, and that's when you feel his lips brushing against your neck. That's when you feel the hand sliding down your arm now resting on your waist, and the hand that moved the mask now brushing against your breast.
    "That's why I have to leave the Defense, Crow," Keegan says against your neck, making you shiver. "I'm so tired of being in everyone's service."
    You can't help it, you place your hand on his massive thigh, just below the crease of his crotch, and squeeze. You love his fucking thighs. And it's nice to feel solidness of a man, to let yourself be distracted by it. A coping method you've been using a lot as of late.
"Then let me service you," You reply, not even believing the words coming out of your mouth. At this point, you're just saying shit to say it, and you can't find it in you to care. "Since I have two good men who already take care of me. Let me take care of you."
Keegan's tongue runs along your neck, and you let out a small, involuntary moan. Your head falls back as Keegan's hand squeezes your breast.
This could work, couldn't it? I could be the dumb bitch who has a harem of three dudes, all of us unemployed and horny. That's normal, right? Riley will always be number one, but I could totally swing this, couldn't I? Even if it's a little slutty, so fucking what? I can totally—
    "You're such a good girl." Keegan growls, and then he moves his head so his lips are on yours, his tongue sliding into your mouth as you groan into his, your hands immediately coming around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
    Yeah. Okay. You know what? Yeah, I'm fucking sold. Whatever this career change is, I'm fucking leaning into it. He's so—
    "When I pictured this," A Scottish voice slices through the wet sound of your kiss with Keegan. Both of you freeze, breaking apart and swiveling your heads to see Soap leaning against the doorframe to Riley's room. Riley is looming behind him, a massive figure with a small smirk on his face. Both of them have changed into comfortable clothes, T-shirts and sweatpants.
    You can totally see the erection on both of them, and you have a feeling those didn't come from watching you and Keegan.
    What the fuck is my life?
    "I definitely didn't picture it happening in broad daylight." Soap continues.
    You pause, your eyes darting between Riley and Soap. When you don't find an answer in either of them, you ask: "What the fuck are you talking about?" Keegan's hands slip off of you. "Pictured what happening?"
    "Oh," Soap pushes off the doorframe, pointing his index finger between you and Keegan as he takes a few slow steps forward. "I've wanted to fuck the three of you for awhile now. Riley promised."
    Your jaw drops, your face contorting into horror. "Riley what?"
    "Fucking Christ," Riley swears under his breath, following Soap back out into the living room.
    "This is news to me," Keegan says so low that only you can hear. You shift your eyes back to him, and since his mask is pushed up you can see his pretty lips, which are hitched in a smile.
    "I am not fucking three men at the same time," You say, lifting yourself off the couch and holding a hand up towards Soap. "Not with everything going on. We need to, like, get a fucking grip. Get a game plan going."
    Soap pauses, his smile faltering. "I would never make you do anything you don't want to do, Crow. But we've all already—"
    "God, Soap, I know that!" You say, incredulous. "But like, every time something bad has happened lately, I end up fucking somebody or multiple somebodies. It's not a good thing."
    "Didn't you just have your tongue down Keegan's throat?"
    "Yes, and that wouldn't have been a good thing, considering what just happened with Kieran!" You exclaim. "So thanks for breaking that spell!"
    "I'm not thankful for it." Keegan grumbles.
    You turn and point to him. "You have a career change to think about!"
    "Career change?" Riley pipes up.
    "All of us are fucking quitting the Defense, I guess!" You throw your hands up, then turn back to Soap. "Except for you?"
    Soap winces, runs a hand along his dark mohawk. "Well, actually—"
    "Jesus fucking christ!" You yell. "We're all disasters!"
    "Wow, that's so crazy," Soap says, his voice taking on an ironic tone that you don't like. You give him a warning death glare, which he pointedly ignores as he says: "Maybe we should all just fuck about it—"
    "Oh, my god!" You suddenly move away from the couch and stomp into Riley's room, passing all the men without making eye contact. You kneel before your bags and fish around through Circe's things until you find what you're looking for. You call Circe's name, surprised to find that she was only a few feet away, nestled beneath Riley's bed. You scoop her up, fastening the item you found around in the bag her tiny body, and then you stomp back out into the living room.
    "Circe and I," You say as you lower the cat to the floor. "Are going for a walk."
    All three men stare at you, speechless.
    "You... walk your cat?" Keegan asks.
    "Occasionally." You retort, your fingers tightening on her light pink leash. "I like for her to get outdoor enrichment time."
    More stunned silence.
    What is my fucking life? Seriously, what is it?
    "While I'm gone," You start as you're walking towards the door. You realize then as you're going that you never even took your shoes off. "I want all of you to think about your life choices. I'll be thinking about mine. If we're really doing all this shit, if we're all seriously leaving the Defense, which I know that I am, then we have to stick  together. Because it's going to be a fucking adjustment, and we're going to need each other."
    The three of them watch you, none of them speaking a word, their eyes trailing your every move as Circe hurries along behind you. You get to the door and put your hand on the knob, pause and turn back to meet the eyes of each man. Three men you barely knew a month ago, who you now might be making a life plan with.
    If I'm going to have a god damn harem of god damn men, then I'm going to make sure they actually want to be here, god dammit. And none of us are going to waste our fucking lives in the process. If my life is going to completely change after losing Kieran, then I'm going to fucking make it count. And I'm going to make sure they all do, too.
    "Think about if you actually want that." You say, and you feel like a mother scolding her three idiot sons. "Think about if you can really make a life outside of being a soldier, outside of hunting Undead all day. Just... just get your dicks out of your fucking mouths and fucking think about more than your next orgasm."
    Circe let out a loud meow, as if in support.
    You look down at her, nodding. "Exactly. Now let's go look at the local fucking flora, this is a new part of town you haven't been to."
    You open the door and go through it, Circe in tow, and shut it hard behind you. You pause on the landing before heading down the stairs. You don't hear a chorus of raucous laughter, so you take that as a sign that maybe they're going to take you seriously. You let out an irritated noise and start descending the stairs, knowing that you have a lot of thinking to do, too.

*End of Chapter Twenty-Seven*