vent :)

He's dead.

Sure I've heard rumors but..
I never thought they were true.

Why don't I feel anything?

Perhaps it's because I disliked him. He was weird and smelled bad, after all.

After elementary, that seems to be a pathetic excuse.

His father killed him.

He was 12.

It was indirect, his father telling him to hang off the car as he drove.

I heard he did it on purpose.

What makes me feel really bad is that fact that I couldn't give an honest fuck.

Does that make me a psychopath?

Does fantasizing murders make me weird?

Does the thought of planning an escape from all rooms I'm in at all times make me paranoid?

God who knows.

God.. the feeling of removing 3 layers of clothes that were made to surrpress...

Looking at the red lines that craved themselves apon my chest.

He's dead and I'm over here crying about having things people spend thousands of dollars to have.

I should just end it now before I have the chance to waste anyone else's time and money.

To go in debt.

To spend countless dollars on a body I'll never have perfectly.

It's all pointless, futile.

Perhaps I should give up.

Stop letting people in.

I'll hurt them.

I always do.

That's why he's gone.

My best friend.

The boy I danced with on that faithful night.

I should've ended it there.

A peaceful ending to a chaotic series of events.

The perfect ending to a season full of stress and denile.

Yet he haunts my dreams.

I haven't spoken a word to him in months, yet he appears in my dreams as if we're still friends.

We run about and have fun, go on stupid adventures that make no sense.

I only see streaks of his dark blue hoodie in the hallways as he's surrounded by his friends.

As he laughs, he smiles.

He looks happy.

And as long as he's happy, I am.

I watch him from the bus over as he boards his.

I watch him walk past me in the cafeteria with a friend.

I watch as he walks to his next class, surrounded by people he cares for, that care for him.

I hope he gets a girlfriend like he said he would.

I hope she makes him happy, cheering him up on his darkest days.

And I hope, when I'm gone forever, he'll have so many loved ones that he'll forget that I was ever here.