vent :)

happy fucking birthday bitch

I'm so fucking tried.

I'm tired of trying shit, of living.

I don't want anything, always have to rely on others to choose what I do.

I heard of the book 'No Longer Human' and said 'damn, he just like me fr'

Just what's the point?

To all this?

To go to collage?

Go into crippling debt then what?

Somehow get a decent job?

Okay then what?

Get paid?

Why should I give a shit?

To live?

Why tf do I need to live? I work to live, live to work. There's nothing else.

Oh yeah but like what if you meet someone?

Then what, huh? What, is the economy suddenly become uncontrollably amazing and I'll live on a beach?
I'm so done with this fucking statement.

There's no one coming for me.

Not even my own fucking family.

They can't trust me and they're so embarrassed of me.

When I was 10, I had training wheels for my bike. I had never ridden before or had a bike.

I asked excitedly if I could ride around the park while we were there.

They grimaced and said maybe later.

I knew they were embarrassed.

They were embarrassed I couldn't ride aswell as little 6 yo Sara from the Grey family.

My dad stated calling me he/him and his child but the moment his friend/family walks in it's she/her daughter.

He's embarrassed to have the first tranny/confused lesbian in the family under his raise.

It doesn't matter what I do, what grade I get, I'm always the stupid oldest disappointment everyone let down.

I'm not normal

I walk in circles and crack my knuckles and make weird ass sounds and cover my big heavy breasts instead of wearing bras like a nOrmaL giRl and cut myself and give myself pimples and rashes from unsafely binding and running in my binder and speedruning my rib damage.

So what? I'll just kill myself anyways.
Might as well get in drugs too. And alcohol. It's all my family's good for: music and drug absuse. Already got one down, why not go in for the final kill? Why stop me?

I wish I had no fucking friends so when  I eventually kill myself no on would fucking notice.

I don't want to tell anyone how I feel because no one else deserves to be burdened by my stupidity.

Another reason I've given up arguing on anything, even things I'm passionate about.

It's hard to care.

Hard to stare and the ceiling at night and choose on of the following: masturbate or cut .

It's all I can do.

Sit and cry like a little baby as I cut deeper and hard and watch my arms go white and pale and blood spills over every open piece of skin and paints the ground a dark red.

I want so bad to watch it wash over the leaves and cover my arms completely.

If ur my family, pls no send me to a asylum.

Just kill me

Also yeah uh movie of the week is UT MOM LOLLLLL