The Plague Doctor [RATED R] ✓

(37) Bigger Plans

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I SLAMMED THE DOOR behind me and touched my aching chest. The words that Claudio said to me earlier left this wound in my heart that only made me question my feelings for Teo even more.

     Do I deserve him? Will Teo hate me if he finds out what I really am? Will he run away from me, or will he treat me like an outcast like everyone else? Does Teo like the perfect version he currently sees? Will I never be happy like what Claudio said?

     "No, that's not true. That's not true," I convince myself as I try to catch my breath, holding onto my shaking hand. When it felt like my legs were going to give up on me, I dropped the diary that I was holding and walked toward the bed so I could lie down and clear my thoughts.

     I close my eyes and try to keep myself calm. Words were swimming around my head, almost like I was surrounded by a lot of people—almost like my alters were talking in chorus. I couldn't help but close my eyes and cover my ears despite knowing that the noise wouldn't disappear if I did.

    "Do you think Mateo will accept you when he finds out who you really are?" I could remember Claudio saying.

     "Do you think he'll love this mentally unstable boy who doesn't even own his own body?" He continues, the image of Mateo appearing in front of me.

     "He is not like us, and he will never understand the darkness that has consumed us."

     Teo stares at me, but then he gives me that look—that look of disgust and disappointment. When I saw him wearing such an expression, I couldn't help but open my eyes back and reach out my hand. "Don't leave me!" I instantly shouted, but then everything was quiet, and I was brought back to reality, staring at an empty ceiling.

     I touch my chest and wipe a tear that has already streamed down my eyes. Maybe Claudio's right. I've already made it clear that I'm not going to love Teo because I know how much I don't deserve him. Maybe I should just let him go now than be hurt later on.

     "He'll never love me. He'll never love the real me," I say to myself despite how painful it sounds.

     I sat on the edge of the bed and removed my necktie before noticing the diary on the floor. I stood from the bed and grabbed it, but when I opened it up, I noticed the previous markings from the entry that was torn off. I can't read it well, but I think I'll be able to do so if I use a pencil and shade the empty page. I don't know why one of my alters would even try and remove this, but my gut tells me that I need to find out.

     After putting the diary on the side table, I removed my coat and lay down in bed. My heart still ached, but I tried to ignore the pain and just stared at the ceiling.

     I couldn't help but remember the attic that we found in Claudio's manor. I couldn't help but remember the things we discovered and the darkness that brought Claudio to become such an evil man. "He is not like us," he says. And that was the first time he acknowledged that he was even like us.

     "When the plague is all over, and you have gotten your revenge...what then?" I whisper to myself before closing my eyes and slowly drifting to sleep.

     The room was quiet, and everything was dark for a while. I toss and turn in bed, trying my best to fall asleep, but then my entire body heats up, so I immediately open my eyes back, only to be welcomed by this bright and blinding light.

     I scratched my eyes to adjust to the light, but after that, I realized that I was now sitting at the dining table that was filled with delicious-looking food.