BITTERSWEET (M.V x C.L)

Only a mountain to climb - Charles

*A week after the morning at Max's*

Carlos had stayed in town, since he arrived that night. To be honest, I don't recall much of what happened that night. I was told - by Carlos - that he found me in literally a state of decay. He made up with himself that there was no way I would be able to have a proper chat that night, so he had helped in bed and stayed with me ever since. Today was the first time that I felt ready enough to speak with Carlos, because inevitably, I knew where this would lead. To come out to Carlos. There was no way around it, and actually I rather didn't care much anymore, whether my friends knew or not.

All these thoughts piled up in my head, as I scrolled through my phone after just having waked up. I decided that today was make or break. Whatever the outcome of me and Carlos's forthcoming chat, I didn't want to suppress myself in that way anymore. I wanted the people close to me to know. With that in mind, I lazily slammed my legs out from under the sheets and put on some grey sweat pants.

As I got out from my bedroom, I immediately noticed Carlos sleeping on the couch. He looked so peaceful when he slept, and Isa had told me many times, how his mouth was shaped in the cutest form, when he slept. 
I had offered him my bed, when he arrived, but he had apparently gently refused and grabbed a pillow and some bedsheets for the couch. Then I had said that the bed had room for two, but again he politely declined my offer. He was too pure for this world, and I was the luckiest to call him my best friend - well after my "brother" Pierre of course...

"Good morning Carlos," I said, as I was making a cup of coffee. "Do you fancy some coffee?"
"You know I don't drink that you bugger," he replied, "but I would like some tea, if you have any."
"Of course I have. Only for you."
"Oohh shut it!" He snapped back while pretending to be mad in order to repress the laugh that was about to escape his throat.

We decided for the balcony to have breakfast. And - as unnatural of a cook, as I was - we ordered breakfast from a nearby café, which made the outmost delicious brunch, you could ask for. And since the café was quite literally across the street from my apartment, we could even get it delivered, partly because of my friendship with the family, who ran the business of course. 

Carlos as well couldn't wait to devour the food, as he excused himself from not having had dinner the night before at his meeting he was due to attend. It was in some way nice to have had Carlos to 'live' here the past week. It was nice in a sense of comfort and relaxation from the drama at Max's. Even though I wasn't sad anymore - or not crying anymore at least - the thought of what drove Max to take the action that he took still disturbed my mind, both in my day dreams and natural dreams. It was like he was the constant in my all too changing life, which again was a confirmation of my love for him. That eventually drove me to grieve the situation even more.

"So, you know I'm heading back tonight Charles. Are you sure that there is nothing you wanna tell me about, before I go in a couple of hours?" Carlos asked, while putting down his food to make a statement of seriousness.
"Well, no... yes- but... okay, here goes," I managed to stutter, which only made Carlos laugh a bit. That eased the situation, and I relaxed again. God he is good at this weird psychological method, he has, I thought to myself.

"Okay Carlos. I don't know what to say or what to expect, but I've made up my mind, and I can't bear to keep this for myself anymore. So it'll be short... I'm- uhmm, I'm... I'm gay, Carlos," I said, shocked at my own ability to just blurt it out. The thing that I had dreaded to do for so long.
"You're gay?" Carlos asked as some sort of assurance on what he thought he heard.
"Yes, I'm gay, Carlos. That's why I wanted you to come last week, because I have just had a massive fall-out with my boyfriend, or what he is. I practically don't know," I said just about managing to hold back the emotions that flooded through my body.

"Oh my God, I had no idea, what happened, Charles?" Carlos asked, also shocked at my situation. He didn't focus on my sexuality though, only on the events of the passing week. That both chilled me down and lit a fire inside my body. What if he ignores it, because he doesn't approve? Or what if he has become so angry that he will find out about Max and track him down in some way? I threw the thoughts away, as I was snapped back to reality by Carlos, who unsurprisingly had caught me in my lack of attention towards him.

"Yeah, well... so I guess, we were at his place that day a week ago. I had spent the night there, after I came back from Paris, and we were having breakfast, but then one of his friends arrived," I said, obviously hiding any facts about Max and Daniel, "and he didn't want to show me to his friend. I respected that, but then he just handed me my stuff and sent me, so now I don't know what to do, and- and we hav- haven't spoken together since, and- and-"
"Easy now, Charles. It's okay, I'm here for you. There, there," Carlos said, as he moved to sit next to me and embraced me in a hug that I warmly welcomed, the sense of protection from my friend oozing through my body.
"I just don't know what to do Carlos. I don't know how to fix it, and it pains me. I don't even have a sense that he still has feelings for me."
"Well, may I give you some advice, C?" Carlos asked. "When I first started going out with Isa, we too had some troubling moments. I guess, it was partly because none of us knew where it would go. But more importantly, I think our love for each other was what made us so protective, which caused both of us to not welcome our true feelings and made us feel rather distant to the other. And one day, when I was with my sister, she could sense my distress, and she enlightened me with one simple truth. She made me reach out to Isa. She made me do, what I internally knew was right as well. And you know what? Look where we are today. And if you hold as much as the slightest fear of being openly gay, then I must reassure you that I know all of us drivers and the FIA will stand behind you, okay?"

"Wow, Carlos... I don't know what to say... thanks I guess. I didn't know you had a therapeutic touch, but there we are. We learn knew things every day," I said, as Carlos let out a chuckle and we continued to eat our breakfast, while enjoying the beautiful view of the Monaco Harbour.

After Carlos had left for his plane, I felt revived with a new batch of energy. It feels good to come out, I said to myself, as let out a laugh of joy. I suddenly remembered myself that I know had an important job to do. And so, I put on my shoes, tied my laces, put on a jacket and a cap, went out my door and skipped on my way to the block of flats a couple of minutes away from my own.

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Author's note:

Hey guys, sorry it's been a while. Had an exam last week and a lot of school to catch up on. Anyway, this was Charles' first coming out experience, and may I just applaud Carlos, the unknown therapist, ready to fix the troubles of our lives😅

With that said, I don't know how I feel about this chapter though, so please let me know in the comments, and once again. Thanks for the support, even in times, where I don't get to upload a chapter regularly, although I will try from now on;) The support's gone up, since I last updated, so that really motivated me to keep writing, so thank you everyone!<3

-Robert