BITTERSWEET (M.V x C.L)

Do you feel the same? - Charles

I was stood outside Max's door, my breath running uncontrollably wild. My mind was racing through all the possible scenarios. I waited a bit, and after a while I finally knocked on the door instantly regretting my action. I could still make it around the corner down the end of the corridor, I thought to myself.
Just before, I had gotten out of bed, quickly put my clothes back on while swiftly spraying on some deodorant. I had made the decision to come around to Max, because, as we stood there outside the elevator I couldn't possibly be the only one feeling something. And as I had laid there, in my bed, a revelation had come rushing down through my head and my body.

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Flashback:
"Charles! Charles!... Earth to Charles!" I heard my father now almost scream to me. 
"Yes papa, what is it?" I asked him. "What on earth are you doing? What are you so occupied with?" He asked, wanting to know why I was dissociated from my dinner party - it was my 17th birthday party. To be honest, I didn't know myself, but what I did know was, that a couple of tables in front of me sat a boy with beautiful golden curls and a precious smile with the most amazing teeth... btw don't ask mw why that was a thing I noticed... and the most special blue eyes that were ocean-like in colour.

When we got home that night, and as I laid in my bed, I could picture the guy in front of me. I spent the next half-hour exploring the vivid vision I had of him. That was until my phone started ringing and vibrating on my bedside table, with the effect that I snapped out of my trance. I glanced at the phone and it read:

Josephine<3<3 calling

I quickly grabbed it and answered. "Hey sweetheart," I spoke into the phone.
"Hey handsome, I know it is really poor of me, but I have been so preoccupied today that I completely forgot wishing you happy birthday. I love you, you know that, and I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you," she replied leaving me with a small smile on my face.
"It's okay, I've had a great day," I said.
"So, remember to be at the airport tomorrow when I land okay?" she said rather demanding. I couldn't help but laugh and said to her that of course I would, how could I miss my girlfriend's return to Monaco after 2 months in the US.
"Anyway, I have to go to sleep now Josephine, I have to get up early in the morning for a workout, but stay safe, and I'll see you tomorrow. Love youu," I said before a reply quickly followed, and I hung up.

That night I quickly fell asleep dreaming sweet dreams... but not of Josephine, but of the boy at the restaurant.
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I remember me and Josephine breaking up a couple of weeks after, because I no longer had the spark in my eye and the lust for the relationship. I didn't think much more about it though and since then, I had had little interaction with relationships. That was, until now. Before I had moved myself to Max's room, I had suddenly realised, why I had thought about that boy at the restaurant like that. I was gay. I had always had a feeling that something about me was not similar to the other guys in my friendships. When they talked about some girl I just nodded along and threw a comment here and there, but I didn't have the same energy when the subject came up. The sparks of electricity and the increasing heartbeat when around Max, I could now explain. Having suppressed these thoughts for far too long, I was unable to wait another second to talk to Max. That was until now, where I had quickly regretted my decision of knocking on the door.

I waited a while before the door suddenly opened, and I saw Max standing there in just his dress pants. He had taken off his shirt, and I couldn't help myself to take a look at the handsome man in front of me. His bare torso with the perfectly shaped abs and strong shoulders. I could feel myself getting a nod too excited, so I quickly looked up and my eyes met Max's.
"Charles!? What are you doing here?" Max asked.
I found myself completely incapable of producing any sound that would form in my mouth. I noticed that Max wasn't looking in the best of shapes, so I started the conversation there. "Are you okay, Max?" I asked back.
"Yeah... why wouldn't I be?" Max replied, although I could see he was lying.
"You're pale and sweaty. You look like you've seen a ghost," I said to him.
"Yeah... well... I don- I do-... can you come in?" He asked looking at me with an army of nervousness flooding over his body. I stepped inside Max's hotel room, and he quickly closed the door. I found a seat on the couch, and soon after Max sat down next to me in an armchair.

The lights were dimly lit, and some calm jazz was playing the background. We sat there a couple of seconds - although it felt like a lifetime - before we decided to open the conversation all at once. "Max I...", "Charles..."
"No, you first Charles," Max said rather awkwardly. I gathered up all my strength and said to myself, it is now or never Charles!
"Okay Max... so I came here because... because I- I... okay, so remember today at the paddock?" I asked hoping that Max would catch the hint.
"I don't know, what do you mean?" The Dutchman asked, sending so much blood up to my head that I was sure it was now as red as my race car. I was so nervous, and there was no way getting out of this, so I agreed with myself to just put it out there and thought this opportunity was neck or nothing - I had to go with it.

"Max... lately I've discovered something of myself. Something I guess I have always known but just oppressed. The last few race weeks I've come to realise that I am different in some parts of life. I have always had girlfriends of course... but I have realised that I was spending more time checking out boys rather than making time for my girlfriends. Today, when we were at the paddock congratulating you, I obviously felt envious of you, but first and foremost I felt my heart rate increase, whenever you came close to me. I felt my cheeks blushing, my mind running wild, and my knees go weak. So, what I want to say is that... that... that I think... I might like you," I said completely aware of the fool I had made of myself. In the meantime Max had moved from the armchair to the couch next to me, so that our thighs were now touching. And as if he could read my mind, he looked at me and said: "Charles, I would be a fool not to recognise the feelings I, myself, have had lately. Sleepless nights, wondering about who I am, and what I am. When I got here after our encounter in the elevator, I ran to the toilet and got really sick. I threw up, because I realised in that moment in the elevator that I had been wrong about myself for as long as I remember, and I hate myself for it. Because, I too, have felt the electricity run through my body whenever I have been around you this weekend. At my party earlier tonight, I had grabbed a cab home with a girl, but I couldn't go through with her because... I started to picture you, Charles," Max replied. I was able to hear the tension that ran through Max as he said those words.

And with that, we turned to face each other and looked each other in the eyes. The space between us became increasingly narrower, until our foreheads rested against each others. We sat there in silence, focussing un getting our breaths under control. At some point I could feel a hand on top of mine, and I took it intertwining our fingers. As Max motioned for a kiss, I snapped back to reality and quickly removed my head, still holding tight on his hands though. I looked at him and said: "Max... I can't grasp the fact that this is happening, but can we please take things slow? I don't want to do anything rushed, and besides, we're both still drunk, I want to savour this moment."
"Yeah... of course... me too," Max said smiling back at my and engulfing me in a hug instead. I happily accepted and had completely forgotten that Max was wearing no shirt, and as I felt the Dutchman's bare skin against my body I could feel an itch in my body, but soon after I gave in and hugged him back tightly. We sat like this for a while, and a minute or so after, Max pulled out again and tried to smile at me, but I could see he was just as nervous as I was. 

"Max, I hope you know how much this pleases me, that you feel the same way, but I think I should get going, and we can talk it properly through tomorrow or something, whenever we're not drunk," I said to him trying really hard not to let the alcohol get the better of me, as I was still a bit wasted.
"Of course Charles... text me tomorrow, okay?" The Dutchman asked, desperate for an answer. I nodded to him as my face lit up and a massive smile erupted on my face.

As I got back to my hotel room, I knew that now my world had changed. I knew that it was going to be difficult. But most importantly, I knew a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and for that reason I quickly fell asleep as the sun started to rise in the horizon.

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Author's note:

Okay guys, this is the fourth chapter done. I struggled a bit to write it, but I hope it's okay enough for you. Anyway, today, the book have reached 200 reads which was something I had never imagined, so thank you a lot, and I hope you will find it interesting to see how Charles and Max will balance their new lives, because I certainly do.

And as always, please consider voting and commenting, so that I know you have enjoyed it and that way helps me to continue finding motivation for writing it.
Also, please drop suggestions in the comments for things you would like to see, and I will see if I can fit it in my plan for this story.

Much love,
Robert:)