Shatter me

therapy or?

TW: talk to self harm and / or eating disorders!

Merediths POV:
'Meredith.' Dr Wyatt looks out into the waiting room and sees me. I try to shoot a smile at the lady as i pick myself up but i fail. 'Its really nice to see you again Meredith. How are you?' her eager voice asks as my body slightly brushes past hers into the small room.

'Uh...' i start but trail off. 'It smells of bleach in here.' i blurt out before as i am placing my form on the very worn out maroon couch in-front of me. 'No offence.' I quickly try to redeem myself as i can sense Dr Wyatt's eyes glaring at me.

'Bleach?' She lets out in a laugh. Her eyes meet mine as she sits herself down opposite me. 'It shouldn't smell of bleach, it should smell off...' she reachers her hand over to the air freshener to her right and reads the label 'spiced apple...apparently' she chuckles to herself before placing the air freshener back into its place.

'It definitely smells of bleach...not whatever spiced apple is.' I smile at the older lady.

'Mhm. Fair enough.' Dr Wyatt says before repositioning herself on the chair. 'So, Meredith, how have you been this week?' She lets out as she prepares the notebook and pen in her hands.

'The same.' I admit taking my eyes off her and onto her fish tank that was to my left.

'The same meaning, as you like to express "crappy" right?' She asks and tilts her head to try reach my eyes that are very much glued to her fish.

'Sure.' I mumble. Im not in the mood to talk today. 'How long is today's session?' I question now meeting the women's eyes.

'Well considering it just started. We still have half an hour.' She replys as she starts to write in her notebook.

I just want to cut myself. It sounds as bad as it is. Thats the truth though. Once im out of here i will most probably go to a supply closet and get a scalpel or a blade and place it to my stomach, maybe even my upper arm.

'Meredith, what's happened this week?' She now leans forward, het facial expressions drops and her eyes widern, almost as if she really wants to know.

'Uh, not a-lot. Dereks still with rose, my so called father is getting discharged today...' i trail of as i start to pick at my nails which doesn't go unnoticed to Dr Wyatt.

'Whats his name?' She now questions moving back into her chair.

'Thatcher.' My eyes meet hers. 'Hes also lexies dad.'

'Lexie, shes your half-sister?' Her face drops slightly as i nod looking away. 'So Thatcher is yours and Lexies dad?' She question as if i didn't just tell her that.

'Yes but no.' I sigh. 'Thatcher is Lexies dad. Thatcher was never there for me, He left when i was...He stayed for Lexie, he never left her during her childhood.' I feel my eyes starting to sting so i squeeze them shut. 'What type of dad leaves their child when they're...?' I look up at the woman sitting opposite me, my eyes now starting to tear up. 'I know. I know it wasn't his fault Ellis...' i try to look away, i try to stop talking but something about the look on Dr Wyatt's face intrigues me, making me carry on. 'Its not his fault she had an affair with richard but, he could off tried to fight for me. His child. Im also his child. I was his child. But i couldn't of been right? I couldn't have meant that much to him, if he packed up and started a whole new family. He was this perfect dad for Lexie.' Tears now burning my face. 'Why couldn't he be for me.' I let out in a wisper.

'Here.' She passes me the box of tissues. Her faces shows the exact pity she feel for me which is enough for me to want to stop.

'Thanks.' I say attempting to dry the tears but fail miserably. I can feel her eyes glued on my pathetic body that sits before her.

After this, all i want to do is cut. Thats a lie, i, all i want to do is hide. Hide away, forever. Where no one will see me and my body. Me and my horrendous body.

'That was a-lot to process Meredith.' She says after a while, pulling me out of my thoughts. 'Thatcher, did he ever try?' She questions but i cant answer. My body is frozen.

Please please please just let me leave.

'Meredith.' She says pulling me out of the abyss my mind placed myself in. 'You can leave if you want.' She shoot's a smile at me  but as she does she stands up and helps me up.

'Huh?' I mumble as she reaches out for my hand. I look over to the clock and it shows 5:17. I start to lift my body up with the help of the slightly wrinkled hand.

'Meredith.' The blue eyed lady calls for me. 'Don't forget to eat today.' She says as her grip loosens. Her hand pats my shoulder. 'So, Ill see you...Wednesday?' A slight smile appearing on her face.

'Uh...yeah. Maybe.' I say as i start to drag my body out of the room. 'Thanks.' I say as i disappear out of the room.