TW mentions of self harm and / or eating disorders!
Merediths POV:
My weak body has finally reached the 3rd floor. i prepare myself. i start to walk over to the supply closet. My hand reaches out for the handle but before i open the door i hear a familiar voice behind me. my body freezes.
'Meredith?' The women calls my name. I don't turn back but i feel my body jolt forward, almost hitting the door of the supply closest.
I recognise the voice, to well, that voice, thats the voice that haunted me for months. That voice haunted me from the very first word it said to me.
'Meredith?' it calls again
All that i can think of is that first conversation. 'Hi, i'm Addison Shepherd.' suddenly i feel a shiver fall down my spine as the words recite through my mind. 'And you must be the women who's been screwing my husband?' another shiver, this one noticed by the redhead.
'Addison.' I reply, my body starts to spin around to face the redhead in-front of me. That same face that had ruined so much but so little.
'Hi meredith.' my head slowly looks up to hers but we don't meet paths. 'Now i normally wouldn't start off talking about men..' her eyes meet mine. 'Even the man we had a "love triangle" with.' As her hands mimic the quotation marks i watch as she lets out a lighthearted smile with a giggle. I fake a chuckle before plastering a half smile on my face.
Cause why wouldn't we be talking about Derek.
She wastes no time and continues. 'Derek and..whats her name?' Her eye brows raise as she guesses. 'Its some sorta flower, Uh, Daisy? Violet? Lily? Uh... Oh wait, rose?' her face scrunches up with a smirk as i nod that she got her name right. 'Rose...are they still together?' She crosses her arms in front of herself with a slight hopeful smile, plastered across her face in hope that i would say no.
'Yeah.' I mutter looking up to the redhead. I watch as her face drops and a sympathetic smile now covers her face.
Please don't do this Addison . Don't make me start to ramble until i cant stop. I cant do that, especially after that session i just had.
'Please.' I start, i debate finishing my sentence. 'Please, don't, don't give me that look. Derek and i.' I sigh. 'Derek and I. Well, we didn't work because I wasn't ready, I couldn't fulfil his desire of wanting more. I couldn't commit...to wanting a life, a life where i was married to the worlds most perfect man, the man who loves, me. A life where he wanted me and our children. He wanted to give me a life where we would have children, little Dereks and...little meredith's.' I feel as my eyes start to burn. Tears starting to well up in them, hoping to leave.
'Meredith.' The tall women try's to interrupt what i was saying but for some reason i refuse and interrupt her back.
'I love Derek, I always will love Derek. But I cant love him the way he wants me to love him. Thats the problem. So, im the problem. But a part of me still wonders, Maybe? what if?' i start to feel my cheeks burn as those tears i tried so hard to hide are now escaping my eyes.
Great, this is just prefect. isn't it.
'Mer.' Addison starts but i act as if j have haven't acknowledged her.
'But Addie. Thats the thing. It's Derek, he probably would of wanted to wait forever for me. I refused to let him...because' I take my hands up to my eyes and wipe away the tears that just wouldn't stop. Even though i tried to wipe them away every-time i failed.
Im constantly failing. I really am a Failure.
'i-i couldn't. The amount of pain that i would off put him through.' My hands move from my eyes back to my side as my head falls to the ground. 'So I told him to start looking, I-I told him he will find someone who will love him, somewhat like i do...but that someone will be ready.' A chuckle escapes my mouth but my chuckle sounded more like i was chocking on my own thoughts. 'He did, he looked to find someone else, to make me happy.' A small smile appears on my face before it disappeared again. Almost as quick as it appeared. 'Then it payed off, when he found Rose.' I lift my head back up, Face full of tears, Eyes red and puffy. My blurry eyesight could make out one thing and that was that i was looking into the green eyes of Dereks ex wife.
God i hate myself. Why did i breakdown, Why cant i stop? Why cant i stop talking.
'I wasn't ready but Rose was. So. He fell in love with someone who was.' I try to give Addison a smile as the tears are falling faster than before. Somehow I manage a smile but as i do I watch her sympathetic one disappear.
Why did i do that? Why did i say all that. Why did i say it all to her. Addison. His ex wife. Who does that? God. Im so stupid. My eyes are still full of tears. A waterfall falling down my face, Stop crying meredith! Pull yourself together. Take your eyes off the women and wipe the stupid feelings away. I cant take my eyes off her. As i cant let go of the women who stood before me I slowly realise that she doesn't have her eyes on me...yet behind me?
...
'A-Addison.' The voice cracks. His voice sounds rough, but safe.
'Derek.' The redhead calls. Her eyes shoot a glance at me and then look behind me.
Oh crap. Crap. Crap. CRAP. Please just let me ho, don't make me stay in this situation. Please.
'M-Mer.' His eyes filled up with tears. 'Meredith.' his face glued in a shocked position.
'D-Derek.' i plaster a smile on my lips but it doesn't match My eyes. Instead my eyes match with the curiosity that lead through my head as i take a look to the side of Derek where the small brunette girl stood. Her arm goes flimsy and falls out of position. The position where she was holding Derek's arms.
As my eyes meet her, all i can see is pain, echoing out of her eyes.
YOU ARE READING
Shatter me
FanfictionMeredith grey a surgical resident has always struggled badly with her mental health but what happens if her mantel health becomes to much and brings attention towards herself. (CURRENTLY REWRITING!)
