A Fight to Remember

Painful Doubts Pt. 2

A/N: Picking up right where we left off....

I end up on a bench at a nearby park. Buddy lying at my feet, gently panting. Weariness enveloped me and I closed my eyes. I couldn't picture this absent man Sarah described. That wasn't me. But then I couldn't really picture myself now. I don't know myself. It was all so confusing. A part of me missed the Island I was stuck on. Yes, I was lonely... but I didn't have to think about myself in relation to other people. It was clear and simple. Survive.

And then I remembered Angie's words: I was an empty container. I didn't have baggage. I could be who I wanted, who I felt like. And on that advice, I resolved something in myself.

I didn't fully trust Sarah, but she'd been kind. She took care of me, she kept me company, and she was lonely too.

I could try. I wouldn't be me if I didn't try. With that in mind, I tugged on the leash and walked back to the house. I find Sarah bunched in a warm sweater on the front step, a cup of tea in her hands. She looks tired. Buddy rams his head between her knees and she laughs. "I didn't think you'd be back."

"I always come back," I say automatically. "We might fight, but I'll always come back."

She nods, but says nothing. I take it as my cue to continue. "I don't trust you. I don't trust you and I don't know who I am- so everything is twice as hard because I have nothing to compare myself to. The things you tell me about myself don't feel right, and frankly all I can trust right now are my instincts."

Sarah clutched Buddy like he's some kind of lifeline.

"That said, you haven't hurt me. You took care of me. You've given me your home, you shared your secrets. You helped me get on my feet. For now, I think maybe we could be friends?"

I reach over and rub Buddy's head.

Sarah nodded slowly, a silent okay to my request.

January 2029

I walked home from work with a bounce in my step. Working with Bob had been an eye opener and I learned a lot about the craft. I'd finally gotten a couple hours to work on my boat, though all I'd done was scrape old paint off. Still, the easy work allowed my mind to wander, and an idea came to mind.

I wanted to build a house.

Bob referred me to a contractor and we drafted the plans. I had the papers with me and I spread them out on the kitchen table.

"What's this? Sarah asked.

I smirked. "I'm building a house."

"You're building a house?" She almost dropped the mug of tea she was holding.

"Yeah. I've been talking to everybody about it. What do you think? I was thinking we could go for a classic-"

"Chris why do you want to build a house?" Sarah asked, gazing at the plans.

I could understand why she was nervous. It was a big step. We were still in the 'friend' phase, but I thought this... maybe it would help me- find that thing that so plagued me in my dreams. "I want something permanent. Something that lasts."

Sarah shook her head. "Nothing lasts. Things get destroyed. People die."

"I want to build something. We can build this. Let's make plans." I want to move forward.

I was just gonna tell you that this over here is our kitchen... and this is our livingroom... And that's the room where our kids could play...

Sarah smoothed out the paper, gazing at the rough blueprints. "What if something happens? It would be a waste."